It’s hard to know how many lives have been ruined by the Facebook Honesty Box, but I think it’s safe to say that this technological phenomenon has been slowly infiltrating our campus culture, turning the creepy things people say in real life into, well, creepy things that people say secretly. For those of you who actually read and study, and are therefore potentially unaware of the frightening reality that is the Honesty Box, I will explain.
p. The Honesty Box is one of those dumb applications that you can add to your profile to further advertise your interests and opinions. They help you show the world what sports teams you prefer, your political affiliation or random “Harry Potter” stuff I don’t understand, but they waste a lot of time.
p. Once you add the Honesty Box to your profile, people can write creepy things and you can accumulate anonymous messages that plague you as you wonder which of your friends said you have a dumb face. In my experience with the Honesty Box, I’ve found that the comments fit into distinct categories. I will highlight each section with a real, live bit of honesty straight from my secret inbox. Get excited.
p. 1. Really nice. [“You are awesome!”] Hey, thanks. That brightened my day, and wasn’t creepy at all. After getting a message like this, you probably think that the Honesty Box is a good idea.
p. 2. Expressions of sexual desire. [“I would totally do you.”] Hey, thanks? Okay, this is still pretty awesome, because who doesn’t like hearing how hot they are? But now you know there’s someone who wants to do you, but you have no idea who it is. Kind of creepy, right? Yeah, but not a creepy as …
p. 3. WTF? [“I totally wanna do your sister. Yeah, the one that’s 16.”] Hm … okay. Well, this could be a joke, right? But my sister is pretty hot, so it could be true, and that’s weird. The Honesty Box is starting to freak me out. By the way, she’s dating a wrestler and he’ll beat you up, Honesty Box writer.
p. 4. Tough love. [“I think your haircut is awful.”] Ouch. Well, I guess it’s good to know these things, since no one told me to my face. At this point, I realize that honesty isn’t all about people telling me how awesome I am. Sometimes honesty involves people not realizing how great my hair is. This was a difficult lesson to learn.
p. 5. Horrifying. [“I may smile and say hello whenever I see you, but really I’m just thinking about how you’re complicit in the fetal holocaust.”] I swear, I didn’t make this up.
p. Really, the Honesty Box is the work of the devil. Imagine all the time I’ve spent trying to figure out my friends who think I’m a murderer, are trying to facilitate a sexual encounter and have bad taste in haircuts. I could have gone to class more, cleaned my room or talked to real live people without the internet. But now that I’m sucked in, there’s no turning back. If you’re living a life of lies, my advice is to keep it up — honesty is creepy.
p. __Devan Barber is a senior at the College.__
