Drink up, don’t try to get it up

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December 8, 2007

2:25 PM

p. Ah, love is in the air. Wait, that’s not the smell of love — that’s grain alcohol. Oh yeah, it’s Blowout.

p. The tradition of Blowout goes back to when Thomas Jefferson finished his last classes and could be seen running about sans breeches with a jug of mead.

p. Drinking isn’t compulsory on this “holiday,” and I know plenty of people who have an amazing time without it (mostly making fun of the drunken people). In fact, if you plan on hooking up Friday night, I’d recommend you not imbibe so heartily. You may end up with a blow up on Blowout.

p. As everyone should have learned from AlcoholEdu, drinking lowers your inhibitions and, in some cases, your expectations. If you were too shy to get on the dance floor before, now you’re thinking it’s a pretty great idea; you’re wondering why you didn’t realize that the guy you’re dancing with is a sex god. By the same token, any girl you considered a five before you started drinking is now an eight and climbing. But really, would you rather hook up with someone you can brag about to my friends or someone who got hit with the ugly stick?

p. Not that personality isn’t part of it. The person you become when you drink is always interesting and always magnified by 100. Sometimes when you’re drunk, you see yourself differently than everyone else sees you. Be aware: When you think you’re just offering a beer, you’re really spilling it all over her. Some girls turn into “the greatest dancers,” but humping everybody’s leg and falling down sounds more like what a puppy might do than like the latest dance moves.

p. When you’re drunk, remembering where you are can be difficult, much less remembering to keep your clothes on. It’s not the best feeling in the world to walk around the frats the next semester and find that, like on “Cheers,” everybody knows your name. Even strangers. Even that guy who was studying abroad last Blowout. Uh-oh.

p. Some people pride themselves on this infamousness. If you’re confident enough in your abilities and want everyone to know it, I’m not discouraging you from hooking up. Just not while you’re drunk.

p. By now it’s pretty inexcusable to claim not to know that a drunk person can’t give consent. If someone asked you that question you could spit out the answer instantly, but do you give it a second thought with a Solo cup in your hand? How many times have you said to yourself, “Yeah I’ve been drinking, but not that much.”

p. Sorry, wrong answer. If you’re beyond the legal limit to drive, consider yourself beyond the legal limit to make good decisions. Women always seem more worried about the consent possibility. That’s understandable because the threat of rape is very real to us, but it’s a two-way street. Ladies, don’t think that just because men often chase after you for sex, you can demand it of them after they’re too drunk to think about it. Maybe they would have said “yes” sober, but you can’t know that unless you wait.

p. That’s assuming that he can get it up. Alcohol causes him to lose some of the focus he’d have if he were sober, and premature ejaculation is not uncommon. But it’s not only the guys that suffer in the sack after the keg’s been tapped. Even a small amount of alcohol reduces our sexual responsiveness, making it harder to reach orgasm. Considering the battle many women already have with coming during sex, making it more difficult is a terrible idea.

p. After all is said and done, it’s really up to you and whomever you’ve chosen to entice. It’s part of that growing up and responsibility thing: you can have as much sex as you want. Just don’t make that decision drunk. No one’s looking over your shoulder to say, “They’re too drunk to have sex; leave now.” It’s the smartest advice you can take away.

p. Emily Powell is the Flat Hat sex columnist. She dances like a sex goddess even when sober.

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