Say vamoose to your V-card
February 8, 2008
In my first column, I stated my intentions as a sex columnist: to form a bridge between virgins and nymphomaniacs. I think I’ve taken the College a few steps across, and I have loved every awkward, humorous and spectacular moment of it.
p. That being said, I hope that my last column helps many of you with your first time, because losing your virginity is veiled in shame and mystery.
p. My intention is to prepare you for — not scare you away from — sex. I want to give some answers to the questions that are too embarrassing to ask your friends, and to which they likely are too embarrassed to give detailed answers. If sex isn’t right for you now, or you’re committed to saving yourself for marriage, it doesn’t matter. Keep this column for whenever that time comes around, and you’ll be as prepared as you can possibly be.
p. If you choose to take the plunge, stamping your V-card is a huge step in life. The “who” is the most important part of the whole sexual equation. You need a partner whom you trust beyond a doubt. The first time takes a lot of communication, especially if you’re both virgins. If you’re not comfortable saying “I can’t do this,” “only go that far” or “it doesn’t bend that way,” then reconsider your choice. The perfect candidate is one who would stop in an instant if you asked, without complaint or hesitation.
p. A person with whom you are familiar makes it easier to discuss those questions to which you need an honest answer. Make sure you know that they’re STI-free, and don’t simply take a yes for an answer — ask when their last test series was.
p. To make your first time more enjoyable, make sure there is extensive foreplay. This is not just for the ladies; foreplay will help calm the nerves in gentlemen as well.
p. Don’t just leap at the chance to lose virginity; because for better or worse, that memory will be with you for the rest of your life. At least make sure there are a few parts in the beginning that you enjoy. Lubrication is the key ingredient in saving you from the first time from Hell. There can never be enough lube. Use a lubricated condom, take advantage of your body’s natural lubrication and have a bottle or packet of lube standing by just in case.
p. Stick with missionary; it takes less flexibility and provides stability and security for both of you. Ladies, lie on your back and, as he enters you. curl your knees into your body, keeping them spread as wide as possible. It’s not just his job to do all the work; he might need a helping hand. Use one hand to guide his penis as he enters you and make sure it’s at a comfortable angle, but also leave it there to make sure he only goes as deep as you can handle. Focus on breathing deeply and try to relax; it will decrease the pain a lot. Guys, this is the time to be a gentleman; go slowly, rocking in one inch at a time. This gives her time to adjust as you continue.
p. The top question on all the ladies’ minds is the same: “Does it hurt?” That depends on the girl and the situation. You might be a lucky one and not experience any awkwardness or pain the whole time, or you could have difficulty relaxing your muscles and feel like he’s trying to rip you in half. A good suggestion is to always keep your partner close to you in missionary. This not only heightens the intimacy, but you can communicate better through body language. Remember the most important things: relax, lubricate and communicate.
p. After it’s over, make sure you both use the bathroom within the next hour. You’re entering the lovely world of possible urinary tract infections, and urinating can flush out the bacteria that can cause them. Ladies should expect some after effects. You’ve just completely or partially torn a muscle, so there will be soreness for a few days. It’s also not uncommon to bleed lightly for a few days, so wear a panty liner. That night, you might also have some stomach pains and cramps, so I recommend taking an Advil or two afterwards to ease or eliminate those.
p. Don’t launch your sex life with a blemish that you’re always going to try and hide. Sex with a great partner is the most wonderful thing in the world. It’s getting to know that other person well enough that you can move seamlessly together in perfect motion. I wish nothing less than that for everyone on the campus.
Thank you to everyone who supported the column, and I give my best to the next in line.
p. __Emily Powell was the Flat Hat sex columnist. She’s never afraid of a detailed answer.__