Behind Closed Doors: Vibrators take sex into hyperspace

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September 9, 2008

8:58 PM

I have a vibrator. Her name is Princess Leia (because she has a way with the Force), and she is purple. Many women would be embarrassed to share this kind of information with the world. I am somewhat uncomfortable with revealing her in print, but, nonetheless, there she is.

So why did I share? Because vibrators are controversial, and I want my readers to know that there is nothing to be afraid of.

Some people see vibrators as harbingers of sexual perversion, such as legislators in Texas who, until last February, had banned the sale and use of such toys. Other people may be threatened by them, as vibrators can be perceived as penis replacements. Some say that a straight woman has a vibrating phallus, her need for a man could disappear. Still, more people just think vibrators are strange. Some may have reasoned arguments on the purity of sexual interaction or may be weirded out by the idea of an electronic device finding its way to their nether regions.

That’s where I come in. Vibrators are fun and effective tools for reaching orgasms.

To those who think that they are perverse: Vibrators have existed in some form since the 1880s. They were invented by doctors as a way of curing “hysteria” in women; bringing women to orgasm in order to relieve emotional and psychological ailments dates back thousands of years.

The vibrator was invented to speed along the process so that the doctor could fit more patients into the day. Thus, the vibrator is not a product of the corrupted morals of the new generation. It is an updated form of a past medical technology.

If you believe that not only vibrators but all sex toys are corrupt, I can’t help you.

To those who fear replacement by vibrator: At first glance, this may seem to be a legitimate position. Vibrators have advantages that flesh-and-blood penises do not. Vibrators are always erect and they never prematurely ejaculate. They are always the right size and shape and are around whenever you need them. Most significantly, they vibrate, something that penises can’t do.

But to think that penises are in any way replaceable to those who love them is just faulty logic. Guys, have a little faith in the value of your penis. I would choose my boyfriend’s penis over Princess Leia any day of the week. There is nothing like a smooth shaft, the warm flesh and pulsing blood flowing through the tip or the overall aesthetic value of the penis. And that disregards the enjoyment of having another human being involved in your sexual experience.

To those who maintain that sexual interaction between two people is the only way to go: You are right, somewhat. There is something very special about simple sex. To know that all you need is yourself and your partner is an incredible feeling. However, bringing in a sex toy doesn’t necessarily mean that the connection between the participants is fundamentally altered. Using a vibrator during sex does not mean that you’re having kinky sex.

Vibrators simply aid in the sexual process. Most women need between three to 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. However, with a vibrator, this time can be significantly shortened. This allows the person being stimulated to reach climax quicker (it can be very frustrating to be lying there for an hour before coming) and gives their partner an easier job, so the mind is less likely to wander, and the hands are less likely to tire.

Vibrators are also used to spice things up in the bedroom. They can be used in conjunction with a penis for dual penetration or on their own for prostate, G-spot or clitoral stimulation. They can do tricks that a penis cannot, so they introduce a whole new element to sex.

To those of you who feel uncomfortable with the idea of something buzzing around your genitals: I say, try it. You may be surprised at your reaction to the sensation. There is, however, some risk involved in vigorous stimulation. Overuse of vibrators can cause you to lose nerve endings in your special places, so everything in moderation.

So get out there and start experimenting. There’s no reason to be afraid of a big, bad vibrator. And the best news? Vibrators are for everyone, whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual or anything else.

Maya Horowitz is The Flat Hat sex columnist. She wants to bring you over to the Dark Side.

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