The College’s sexual mission, should you choose to accept it

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September 16, 2008

4:28 PM

I’m all for experimenting sexually. If you dream up something, go for it. You like the idea of eating tuna fish out of your girlfriend’s already fishy area? Why not? (I actually have a friend that did that, no joke. It was a birthday present.) Of course, there are limits to this (safety concerns, legal issues, etc.), but once those are cleared up, the sexual world is your oyster.

But what if what you’re trying out isn’t your idea? Maybe your significant other thought it up, maybe you read it in Cosmopolitian or maybe a drunken friend dared you. Does the fact that it is someone else’s brainchild fundamentally change the nature of the experiment?

For me, personally, it does. If I think something up, like having a threesome, then I’m game. But if someone suggests to my boyfriend and me that we should have a threesome, I suddenly find the idea disgusting. The same goes for someone who is sexually inexperienced. In my opinion, it should be their idea to begin their journey of magical wonderment and nudity.

Something upsets me about another person dictating to me what my sex life should be like. One of my favorite things about sex is that it’s such a personal decision. With so many other things in my life determined for me, I love finally being in control.

It is uncertain where I draw the line. I like sex advice. If you have a trick for how I could make my man happier in bed, I’d love to hear it. But the second I start to feel like you’re pressuring me into doing it, I close up. Who knows, maybe it’s my pride kicking in.

For some people, however, sexual dares are fair game. They get a natural rush from taking that chance. To these brave people: I applaud you. You are more adventurous than I, your loyal sex columnist, will ever be.

But be careful. Waking up and being embarrassed about your actions from the night before is never pleasant.
Most of the women in my group of high school friends were just this kind of person. They ingeniously created something called “Summer Challenge,” a sexual checklist that was distributed to all of the girls in our circle. Different point values were assigned to different tasks. We had from Memorial Day until Labor Day to complete it, and we came together at the end of the summer to tally up the points.

In this spirit of those true American heroes, I would like to propose the College of William and Mary Challenge. Choosing not to participate is obviously an option: I, myself, lost miserably in the Summer Challenge. As I said, I think sexual dares are icky. Remember, all of these acts should be consensual and safe. I am not advocating illegal activities or coerced sex. And for God’s sake, wear a condom! If you’re like my high school buddies, this might be just the impetus you need to try something new. For the rest of you, you can just stand by and giggle.

Places:
-Your dorm room (1 pt)
-An academic building (3 pts)
-Outside (3 pts)
-An off-campus house (2 pts)
-In the shower (2 pts)
People:
-A fraternity or sorority member (1 pt)
-Someone who lives in your building (2 pts)
-Someone in a different academic year (2 pts)
-A townie (3 pts)
Positions:
-Missionary (1 pt)
-Reverse cowgirl (2 pts)
-From behind (2 pts)
-Spooning (3 pts)
-Legs wrapped around your head (4 pts)
Miscellaneous:
-Say the wrong name (4 pts)
-Make animal noises (5 pts)
-Keep your clothes on (2 pts)
-Role-play a sexy classroom scene (3 pts)
-In a foreign language (4 pts)

Check out my blog and tell me any funny stories that come up in the course of your adventures. Good luck and Godspeed, heroes.

Maya Horowitz is The Flat Hat sex columnist. Her goal for the semester is 15 points, since she came up with this list herself. Let her know if you can keep up.

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