Getting in the mood isn’t very difficult: a soft touch, a seductive glance, a stray thought about wild sexual abandon are all it takes. But blood pumping to your lower regions does not a sexual encounter make. Sex, like a delicate flower planted in the earth, requires space and time to grow. Even if you’re just spending quality alone time, you still need to find a safe spot to whip out your genitals and spend some time touching yourself.
College is a fabulous place for sexual exploration but it can be roughing finding your way through the distractions. With so little space and so little time, it often seems like there isn’t a place for sex.
Imagine this: you’re working your way up to the height of ecstasy, a point you’ve been attempting to reach for the last 20 minutes. You can feel the pressure building inside of you waiting for release. Your toes are curled, your lips are emitting soft sounds of pleasure when all of a sudden there’s a key in the door and your roommate is walking in.
External pressures can ruin sexual experiences. Whether it be knocks on the door, calls, texts or loud neighbors, they’re all mood killers. And they’re hard to avoid. The old rubber band on the door trick may abate some of these distractions. But how do you stop your mother from calling to check on her baby boy?
You can also have your own hang ups that stop those lovin’ feelings. Being worried about how your body looks when contorted into different positions can cause you to focus on your fat rather than the pleasure going through your body.
Worst of all are the thoughts that stop you in your tracks. They’re more unfortunate than the other distractions because your partner has no way of knowing what’s happening. You’re mid-thrust when you remember that you have a paper due at midnight. Or you’re two-fingers deep when you think to yourself, “Is she really the one or am I just wasting my time?”
We all run into a distraction at one point or another. It’s unavoidable.
So what can be done? Most of us don’t have the means to take the Kelis and Nas route of buying a house in the country for the sole purpose of nookie. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have options. Of course there are small physical precautions: text your roommate to tell him or her to stay away; turn loud music on so you can’t hear anything else; turn off your phone; etc. But these only go so far.
It is important to remember that although sex is an act — therefore requiring space and time — it is also a state of mind. Space and time elude our grasp, but we can do our best to control our feelings at a given moment. As for body issues, those need to be gotten under control before doing the deed. If you truly believe you are ugly and unattractive, how can you reconcile that with the fact that someone wants to sleep with you? Try to stay positive about yourself and you’re likely to be better in bed.
Take time to have sex. Allow yourself to forget what homework you should be doing at the moment and give yourself a break. Yes, you may have a lab report due in the morning but you must tell yourself that sex is also a priority. Sexual health should not fall to the bottom of the totem pole. It doesn’t have to be number one on your “to do list” but it can’t be left off the list entirely. Don’t let thoughts of school work seep into the bedroom. It won’t help your work and it certainly won’t help your libido.
_Maya Horowitz is The Flat Hat sex columnist. She always takes time to forget she has a paper due in the morning._