Behind Closed Doors: Keep your sexual toolbox handy

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September 1, 2009

3:04 AM

Welcome to another year at the College of William and Mary. The start of fall semester, whether you’re a freshman or a senior, is a chance to start anew in all aspects of your life. Being as this is the sex column, I’ll posit that the most important element of your clean slate is your sex life. It’s my duty to make sure you’re prepared for this hopefully sex-filled year, so I thought I’d provide you with a sort of sexual toolbox.

Arguably, the most important tool — other than of course your own hammer — is confidence. Dare to be cocky about your cock. Partners, like the predators of the animal kingdom, can smell your fear. And, unless they are actual predators, fear isn’t going to turn them on. Men and women alike want a partner who is proud of themselves and secure in their sexual prowess. This is not to say you should become some sort of self-obsessed monster. Try to go for “I’m cool, and I know it. I’m willing to show it, but I’m not too self-satisfied to blow it.”

I know this sounds like a PSA, but let’s pretend that stands for “Penis Safety Alert.” The new year is a wonderful time to get tested for sexually transmitted infections. Make sure you are truely starting with a clean slate. Even if you feel it’s unnecessary, just think of it as reassurance. Better to go in and find that you’re free and clear than to engage in sexual activity that may result in disease transmission — majorly unsexy.

Make sure to round up wingmen. There’s a reason people travel in packs. Having a friend with you when you’re out scoping for dudes always comes in handy. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy will tell you a towel and a guide are all you need when traveling. Well, when attempting to mate, a few good mates are all you need.

Go out and buy some sexual accoutrements. Sex can find you at any time and when it comes knocking on your door in the form of a 4 a.m. booty call, you want to meet it with preparedness. The two most important items to have are condoms and lubricants. I recommend thin condoms and a lubricant made to feel as natural as possible. I’m an old-fashioned girl; I just want to make love, not suck on a cherry-flavored popsicle and then lubricate myself with something that raises the temperature of my clitoris. That’s just my two cents. Buy whatever you think will make you happy and motivate you to search out a partner.

Set the scene: Make sure your bedroom is sexable. This entails a little tidying up. But since it’s the beginning of the year, the cleaning shouldn’t be too bad. Dirty underwear strewn across the bed isn’t alluring, it’s gross. You want to make your room as inviting and comfortable as possible so that you put your partner at ease.

Leave your baggage in the past. It’s the dawn of a new day. Allow yourself to get down without thinking about former lovers. Few things are less of a turn-on than someone who isn’t in the moment. No one wants to feel like their lover’s attentions are focused elsewhere.

Sketch out your sexual boundaries. Spend a little time thinking about what your goals are for this year; how far you are willing to go and how many sexual partners you would like to have. There’s no shame in deciding to be reserved for the year. Having a clear idea of what you want will help you remain calm in sexual situations. If you’re not comfortable with your undercarriage being diddled, be sure to go over hypothetical situations and decide how you will handle them.

Allow room for mistakes. On the path through the sexual forest, there are bound to be accidents and stumbles; forgive yourself in advance. This is all part of your journey to discovering the sex life you need.
These are just a few ideas to get you started, but the actual encounters are up to you. I hope that a few of my words will contribute to some funky chicken love in your future.

__Maya Horowitz is the Flat Hat Sex columnist. Although she wasn’t a boy scout, she is a firm believer in their motto: Be prepared.__

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