Hello, CW. Well, I mean CW in our sense of the word — Colonial Williamsburg. But I also mean CW as in the channel many of us will be tuning in to next week, when “Gossip Girl” debuts its new season. Like OMG.
Being the dedicated “Gossip Girl” enthusiast that I am, I’ve of course seen the season 3 promos (YouTube “gossip girl season 3 promo” to be enlightened). I must agree, WTF! Watch This Fall. Our little Upper East Siders are all grown up now, headed for college, and about to wreak enviably fashionable havoc wherever they go. Oh yeah, did I mention Lizzie McGuire and Ms. Fierce herself will be guest stars? Yes, ladies (and any gentlemen who watch the show), Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks will be appearing in this season. I’m not sure how significant they are going to be, but I’m ready to develop new love/hate relationships.
Before we dive headfirst into the new season when it premieres next Monday, Sept. 14, at 9 p.m. and continue hating the guts out of Georgina Sparks, let’s review, shall we? We’ll talk about the ladies first. Last season, Serena was the usual hot mess. Highlights include her relationship with the so-avant-garde-but-not-really Aaron Rose and her brief stint in jail after her own mother framed her. Serena’s best friend and my personal favorite, Blair, continued to be gorgeous and conniving, all the while chasing after that motherchucker, Chuck Bass. Oh yeah, she slept with Chuck’s uncle, but everyone got over that in the last 15 minutes of the season finale. Jenny starts to resemble Courtney Love as she tries to pursue a life of high fashion and blah blah blah. Vanessa is only relevant because of her relationship with Nate and one-night-stand with Chuck.
Dan Humphrey danced to the tune of “Mrs. Robinson” and banged a teacher after he and Serena break up for the zillionth time. By the way, the fact that they share a half-brother might have had something to do with it. Nate shags or snogs cougar Catherine, Jenny, Vanessa and Blair, then decides to go backpacking across Europe with Vanessa. Chuck was really awesome and told Blair he loved her multiple times in the season finale, bless his sexy and slightly sociopathic heart.
Of course, there were plenty of side stories, but you can go watch season 2 again or just Wikipedia them. For now, I’ll end with some pressing questions I hope will be answered in this upcoming season. How many times will Blair and Chuck break up and have make-up sex? Will Blair destroy Georgina Sparks once and for all? And will Lady Gaga be featured on the soundtrack?