Sex and cigarettes

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November 20, 2009

11:12 AM

_Warning: The content of The Flat Hat’s Daily Grind blog contains adult themes and explicit language. Please contact the editor-in-chief if you have questions or concerns._

Sex and cigarettes. Immediately after reading those words, I’m sure some of you are turned off. Maybe most of you. “Sex and cigarettes shouldn’t go together,” you say. “Cigarettes aren’t sexy.”

It’s true, cigarettes are pretty gross, and smoking is one of the worst habits to pick up. We all know this. But, maybe there’s some use we can pull from them, some sexy value we can assign that furthers our sexy purposes — even while we acknowledge their deadly unhealthy qualities.

As a prop, there’s hardly anything more provocative than a cigarette. They signal a certain level of danger, an I-don’t-give-a-shit mentality. A person smoking a cigarette announces to the world, “Yeah, I’ve chosen to inject myself with poison. Deal with it.” And it’s this kind of badass image we might be able to use to our advantage.

Consider what Hollywood shows us of smokers. Back in the Golden Age of movies, women like Katherine Hepburn and Greta Garbo lit up the screen while lighting up on screen. Watching these women smoke is like watching someone bite into a morsel of dark chocolate. Or think about guys like Cary Grant and James Stewart. Great acting abilities, sure, but they were also total hunks! For these movie greats, cigarettes were an extension of themselves, a physical representation of their sexual know-how.

So, how can we update the image of the sexy screen smoker? How can we employ it in our own day and age? I’m in no way advocating that you become a smoker, but a puff at a party could go a long way. Think about it: you, dressed to impress on a Friday or Saturday night, looking ultra-bangable and seductive with your hair done right and your body toned to perfection. Pull out a cigarette and you’ve upped your sex appeal. While you draw in that nicotine you draw on countless movie stars who’ve come before you. The hope is, of course, that as you pull on your cig you’ll pull potential sex partners toward you. Your cigarette is a tool, an accessory that highlights your sexual know-how.

Maybe this is a bit much. Maybe this is too much of a performance. Maybe we should find some other form of sexual subversion that won’t kill us. But in the smoke-and-mirrors world of college parties, maybe a little more smoke couldn’t hurt.

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