Behind Closed Doors: Bedroom theater spices up sex life
December 1, 2009
When I was a kid I loved to role play. Cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, schoolhouse — you name it, I played it. But why should this fun have to come to an end when you grow up?
Stepping into someone else’s shoes — or out of someone else’s pants — is a great way to explore different dimensions of your sexuality. It may allow you to break out of your normal pattern in hookups and find new pleasures.
Roleplaying can be added to your sexual file cabinet under “spicing things up.” Vanilla sex is wonderful — it’s beautiful — but sometimes you have to change it up. Sometimes you don’t want to be a TWAMP with homework to do — you want to be Robin Hood and you want to ravage Maid Marion.
One thing to remember, however, is that roleplaying should be a rare treat. You don’t get to do it all the time, so enjoy it when you do.
How’s it done? Roleplaying can be as simple or complicated as you want. The first step is finding a partner. A partner must be someone you trust and most likely will be someone you’ve already slept with. You’d have to be pretty smooth to get a girl to pretend to be Tinkerbell the first time you find yourself in bed with her.
Next, you have to decide what the game is. Remember, this is a game. Just like in cops and robbers, using your imagination means more fun. Do you want to be specific individuals, or just yourselves in a special situation? Think hard about your fantasy, and make sure you choose one that can be maintained throughout the experience. It is an incredible turn-off when your partner decides to slip out of character halfway through a roleplay hookup.
There are three main types of roleplaying to choose from. Some games manipulate power relationships, in that one partner maintains a superior position. For instance, doctor and patient or police officer and criminal can be fun because they allow one partner to be in charge. Another roleplaying situation allows the partners to retain their real identities while imagining themselves in new settings. For instance, a long-standing couple could pretend that they are having sex for the first time together. This type of game is generally the most intimate. The most elaborate type of roleplaying combines new identities with new situations. You and your partner take on the roles of famous people and reenact their stories. For instance, reenact Cinderella and Prince Charming finding each other after the ball or, even better, historical figures: Who doesn’t want to have hot, sweaty George-on-Martha relations?
To add spice — or just to complicate the planning — try extending the roleplay. Wear costumes, rent a hotel room, buy props. Go nuts. This is a sexual treat. You can’t do it all the time, so put in as much effort as you can.
The most important step is setting boundaries. Pretending to be other people can allow us to act in ways we wouldn’t dare to normally. This can be a great thing, but you don’t want to take it too far. Laying down the law before laying down will make both of you more comfortable.
Lastly, remember that roleplaying sex is all about the foreplay. It’s a story, not a porno clip. Set the scene, act the part, and savor the suspense as long as you can before giving in to your animal side.
Now who says kids get to have all the fun?
__Maya Horowitz is the Flat Hat sex columnist. She sometimes wishes she’d majored in theater but doesn’t like an audience.__