Hitting it at home

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December 4, 2009

2:24 AM

_Warning: The content of The Flat Hat’s Daily Grind blog contains adult themes and explicit language. Please contact the editor-in-chief if you have questions or concerns._

Easy booty — it’s one of life’s simple pleasures. All bang and no consequence. Assuming you’re being safe and everyone involved is within their own comfort zones, why not go for an easily accessible hook-up? I think there are two primary reasons why people hesitate to initiate action: the fear of rejection and the possible ensuing awkwardness. Where can you find someone who you know won’t say no? And especially on a small campus like this, where can you find a hook up that you won’t bump into five times every Tuesday and Thursday for the rest of the semester? These problems have a simple solution: easy booty lives at home.

Looming before every break from classes is the possibility of a serious ass drought. Luckily, when you go home, your ex’s do too. Sometimes this is something we dread, but it can also be something to look forward to. You’ve rubbed up against each other enough times to know what to expect. You know they were attracted to you before, so unless the freshman fifteen has really hit you really hard, they will definitely still want to see you naked. Also, there’s something nostalgic about doing someone from your past. You don’t spend enough time with them to see how much they’ve changed since you’ve been apart. Being close to them is familiar and comfortable.

The best part is that once you’ve finished filling your parents’ home with sin, you get to go back to school. You leave them and all the drama and baggage hooking up can create behind, and you can go back to your normal life at college feeling freer and slightly less sexually frustrated than before you left.

So home booty with an ex is consequence-free, right? Yeah, sometimes things work out, but other times going for an easy score can really bite you in the ass. People have different post-bone expectations, and like at school, when two people aren’t on the same page there can be problems. Maybe you see a fall break hook-up as just sex, but maybe your ex thinks it means you could get back together. Just because you don’t see them at the Caf doesn’t mean your horribly misdirected life decisions can’t haunt you. I mean, how the hell do you respond to a Facebook message where your ex tells you how good you are together, how much they can’t wait to spend all kinds of time together over winter break, and how they can’t stop thinking about you when the only part of them you’re interested in reconnecting with is in their pants?

So what if you hook up with an old friend instead? That solves the problem, right? You hook up, go back to school, and never have to have that touchy conversation about what it all meant. It sounds perfect until you realize that just because your next door neighbor goes to college two states away doesn’t mean you won’t run into them every time you walk out your front door this summer.

Sex at home seems simpler than sex at school because facing its consequences is so far in the future that it’s almost like they don’t exist at all. However, you’re just putting off the inevitable, which can be even worse because all the awkwardness and unanswered questions get a chance to build. Sure, sometimes there’s no confusion. Both of you get that it was a one-time (or maybe two- or three-time) thing, and it’s all casual. That’s just the nature of having sex — sometimes you get off scot-free, but mostly it’s complicated. I guess you just have to ask yourself how big the risk is that your easy booty will turn into a huge mess the next time you come home. If you think the odds are in your favor or if you just don’t care, then go ahead. Hit it.

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