A more relaxed approach

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February 24, 2010

1:24 AM

_Warning: The content of The Flat Hat’s Daily Grind blog contains adult themes and explicit language. Please contact the editor-in-chief if you have questions or concerns._

So in case anyone was too distracted last weekend with the beginning of midterms (I know, already), Valentine’s Day was last Sunday. Maybe you’re thinking I’m about to tell you a romantic story about a surprise date, or more likely, maybe I’ll rant about some especially freaky V-Day themed sex. Well the truth is, my Valentine’s Day was pretty casual: I spent the entire day in Swem because Earl Gregg is obviously my dream man, hit the elliptical at the Rec and then went to Mug Night. It actually didn’t even occur to me until the next day that I hadn’t done anything special.

And you know what? That’s chill. Having a Valentine isn’t too high on my list of priorities, but sometimes I feel like I’m the only girl who feels that way. I know I’m not really alone in this; I just get so fed up with hearing the way some girls talk about boys and wanting a boyfriend: Obsessing over texts, asking for advice from other girls, picking apart every interaction and just trying to figure out what everything he says and does means. Hey, reality check for the ladies that do this: it doesn’t mean shit.

I know I’m being blunt, but it’s true. That is just not the way to go about things. I have this friend, Meg, and this girl is a genius about men. It’s like with Meg, she never seems to try, but still she has an impressive amount of guys who call her, take her out and pretty much do whatever she asks them to.

If I were seriously prowling for a boyfriend instead of just cruising for some D, I would probably hate Meg. She finds these great boyfriends with seemingly zero effort.

I asked her once, “Meg, how do you do it?”

And she was like, “Do what?”

For you people who can’t read between the lines, that response pretty much sums it up. She wasn’t doing anything, and that’s why guys flocked to her. Honestly, this girl has such a refreshing approach to dating that I had to write about it.

The basic message is this: just live your life and don’t worry about it. I have had so many blah relationships and TWAMRs that were confusing and annoying and boring because these were guys I was with just for the sake of having them there and not questioning how much I really cared. Instead of trying to force these mismatched relationships, it would have been so much more fulfilling to just do what I wanted to do until I met a guy who matched up with that. There are plenty of guys you could like if you let yourself, but if he’s not actually worth it, why bother?

And why over-analyze? Classic example: some chick gets a text from a guy she met last weekend and freaks out asking all her friends how she should respond. After considering multiple options, she finally sends back the perfectly concocted response.

What a waste of time. How about instead of letting this boy think you might maybe become a massive time suck, just don’t say anything back. Instead of putting him off with a potentially contrived or awkward text, you are saving yourself a whole lot of effort, as well as probably making yourself seem less available (aka, hello, more desirable) in the process.

I’m not advocating playing games here. All I’m really trying to say is patience is a virtue. Life is so much more chill if you just wait for a guy who’s actually worth all that effort — and in the meantime, just have fun.

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