Almost Relevant: Help Wanted

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September 7, 2010

12:35 AM

Did you know William and Mary has never beaten North Carolina in football? It’s true. The Tribe is 0-12-2 versus the Tar Heels and have been outscored 383-205 over those fourteen matchups.

(Other interesting tidbits found in the records section of the media guide: the Tribe is 2-1 all time versus the Quantico Marines and 1-0 against the Norfolk Fire Department and Fredericksburg. Out of the three of those, the win versus Fredericksburg interests me the most. Did Fredericksburg have a nickname? Did the College take on the entire town? Did we only play Fredericksburg because we couldn’t get Dumfries on the schedule?)

I know the Tribe has never beaten the Tar Heels because I have a friend at North Carolina who has not stopped talking trash since last basketball season. You’re in the NIT, I said. So are you, he would say. If you knew us, you would know that’s not an insult, I’d reply. And the conversation would devolve from there.

Now that Butch Davis has decided to singlehandedly bring down the athletic department of an entire university, I’m looking forward to the game in October. Not for the game itself as much as the chance to bring in a sign to the stadium (Don’t worry, I’m not going as a reporter for this one). I figure Carolina will still win the game, but I figure William and Mary has a chance to win the matchup of sarcastic, subtle put-downs (Official William and Mary athletics motto since 1693).

We have been kicking around some ideas for signs in the office. So far, here’s the best of what we have come up with:

“Butch Davis paid me to write this”

“At William and Mary, we write our nanny’s papers, not the other way around.”

“Character counts. But Tar Heels have people to do their counting for them.”

“I’d write something here, but you’d never read it.”

“Papers for sale.”

“Enjoy your pre-vacated win.”

So far, that’s the best we could come up with. If you have something better, and that’s probably not hard, feel free to put them in the comments.

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