You know who we don’t hate? Maine. No sir, no hate here. Do you think that after this week we are going to hate anyone? Un-unh, no way. We’re smarter than that here at the Flat Hat. We no longer respectfully disagree with anybody. We love everyone and everything.
Are the winters cold in Maine? You bet. Only improves the old constitution, makes the young men heartier. Rosy cheeks and stockings hung by the fire and all that jazz. In fact, we can’t think of anywhere we would like to be in the winter than Maine, Orono especially.
And have we told you about Orono yet? Beautiful city, one of the best in the world I’ve always said. London, Paris and Orono, that’s my motto. Did you know Israel Washington Jr., one of the founders of the Republican Party, is from Orono? No jokes there. Fine political party the Republicans have there. Democrats too. You won’t see us discriminate. We love everybody.
And the immortal Pat’s Pizza in Maine. It used to be called Farnsworth Café but the name changed in 1953 when founder Carl D. “Pat” Farnsworth added pizza to the menu. Adding pizza to the menu 20 years after the restaurant opened? Genius, and not a minute too late. Wondering why Carl Farnsworth is nicknamed Pat when his middle initial is a D? We’re not. In fact, we’ve heard he is a hell of a guy.
Plus, that football team. Wow are they good. A 3-0 loss to Albany? Very respectable. We love good defense here at the Flat Hat. We love bad defense. We love no defense, criminal defense, national defense and running the picket fence.
We love everything equally at the Flat Hat. Think that’s dumb? That’s okay, we love you too. In fact, if you even think we are going to hate anyone after the mind-numbing, soul-killing debate over a stupid football game a week ago, well we respectfully disagree.