George Mason Law School

Behind Closed Doors: Don’t forget the ladies, bros

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September 28, 2010

1:07 AM

The bro code — an innate evolutionary phenomenon passed down from generation to generation — is a universal law that dictates the actions of men. The code is etched into bro lore as an unwritten law, but has always been verbally communicated between those in bro-society. Such codes range from “bros before hoes” and “never hook up with your friends ex,” however, a very important issue surrounding the bro code is oral sex: Why do guys expect head but (for the most part) don’t return the favor equally?

The answer to this age-old question may never be answered but there are a few primary factors that contribute to this unwritten expectation between girls and guys.

First, as a result of the porn industry, girls feel pressured to execute aerobic maneuvers — some of which are illegal in three states — to falsely fulfill guys’ expectations. These expectations also lead to women putting their mate’s pleasure over that of themselves, which leads a few guys to forget about their sexual obligation. So although a Briana Bank’s performance may be the best thing in the world, there is more to sex, and no girl should feel pressured to find out how many licks it takes to reach the center of a Toostie Pop.

Second, another common social stigma is that guys aren’t expected to go down on a female. If a guy does perform this daunting task, he becomes such a “niceeeee guy,” according to some — and now his partner owes him.

Third, in many cases, guys are scared, lazy and/or don’t care about their partner’s pleasure, but who can blame them? The vagina is a very scary place for a young hunter to go down and explore.

At the end of the day, the underlying cause of this double standard (and why girls are surprised when guys do go down on them) is due to the bro code. The bro code indoctrination of oral sex is genetically programmed in all guys; and thus, the majority of men cannot control their feelings toward going down on a girl. Since the dawn of mankind, this bio-socio happening has laid a firm foundation in society and has co-evolved with men and women.

Ideally a dude should get his Christopher Columbus game going and travel down south, but this will generally not be the case due to the all-encompassing bro code. So girls, don’t feel self-conscious or mad at your partner if he isn’t taking the elevator down to the basement. Realize that an omnipotent force and social standard are indirectly scaring him away, and communicate with each other.

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