Confusion Corner: Coming home to debauchery

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October 22, 2010

1:36 AM

Homecoming. The word alone brings joy to the hearts and terror to the livers of students of the College of William and Mary. It’s a time when Tribe alumni return to find their beloved campus awash in green and gold streamers, empty Natty cans and neon-colored t-shirts lampooning whoever the football team happens to be facing that year. This year it’s the Delaware Blue Hens; alumni, prepare for lots of cock jokes. For the fresh-faced youths on campus, the freshmen who have never known the pleasure of homecoming, you can expect a few scenarios to unfold.

How can students best prepare themselves for the week-long gauntlet that is homecoming? First of all, accept that your room is going to get trashed. Make peace with it now, and things will be easier down the road. For those among you who are in fraternities (as I am), your rooms will incur the brunt of homecoming’s wrath. I awoke this morning to a mountain of empty sticky Solo cups, my carpet somehow upside-down and knotted, and a carved jack-o-lantern on my desk. I have no idea how the latter two happened; I can guess about the former. For my unaffiliated friends, the destruction that befalls your room will probably be of your own doing, whether you remember it or not. I can recall waking up freshman year in Barrett Hall to find my desk chair inside my desk drawer. I have no idea how I did it, but, I did, unless my roommate knows something he’s not admitting.

Wawa will transform into a new beast entirely. All week and all night, the most beloved of all Williamsburg eateries will become a veritable circus of mixer theme costumes, with “Anything For An A” patrons mingling with “Redneck Wine and Cheese” devotees. Woodland creatures will mix with kindergarten teachers, and the poor employees making your sandwich will somehow manage to take it all in stride and with a smile, until the naughty librarian tries to steal a doughnut, at which point all hell will break loose. It’s probably fine.
You will see strange, strange things littering the bushes and paths outside your dorms. I’ve seen everything from basketballs to beer cans, action figures to dining hall trays. In the wild celebration and debauchery that is homecoming, apparently anything is an acceptable party accessory.

Some of the biggest and best parties of the year will occur Saturday, with music that can be heard all over campus. There will be more Sunken Garden streakers than you’ve ever seen, and a potential flotilla in the Crim Dell.

Oh-and at some point, there will be a football game.

So, young ones, enjoy your first homecoming here at the College. Make some of your best college memories this weekend. Go out and have fun with your friends and help contribute to the festive celebration that only comes around once a year. When you’re 70 years old, will you be sitting around wishing you’d spent more time Saturday night studying for your economics exam, or will you be fondly remembering the great times you had in college? Neither. Because you’ll be back on campus for homecoming, wondering where all these vulgar, hot pink t-shirts came from.

__Jason Rogers is a Confusion Corner columnist. He looks forward to using homecoming as an excuse to harass students well into his alumni years.__

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