The seven species of gym attendees
Written by Ariel Cohen|
March 18, 2014
The Student Recreation Center is the one building on campus that ignores reminders of stressful midterms, papers or deadlines. A sanctuary, if you will. This last semester of college, my relationship with the Rec has gone from casual to something mildly obsessive. It’s a nice place to bond with friends, to track self-improvement to watch the morning news on the treadmill, or to watch the evening news on the treadmill. After spending this much time at the gym, you recognize some unique characters.
1. The Howler
You can probably hear his scream over the noise of your headphones. He lets you know how much he’s lifting by how loudly he grunts with every rep. Chill, dude. That sounds painful.
2. The sorority girls in spin class
Spin is hands down the most addicting class the Rec offers, and Sorority Court has drunk the Kool-Aid. The class is always 99 percent female, and most of the girls are wearing letters. On an average day, the KKGs and the Thetas can be found in the front row, the Kappa Deltas take over the middle section, and a few other sororities will be scattered throughout. You’ll leave wondering if this was a fitness class or a Panhellenic Conference.
3. Muscleman in a tank with very large arm holes
Let’s be honest, that shirt is barely a shirt. You cut the armholes so large that, yes, we can all see your chiseled abs. Congratulations! Now put a shirt on. Thanks.
4. Yoga/pilates girl
You’ll know who she is by the yoga pants and cute top. Her hair is neatly pulled back. She is ready to stretch and strengthen. Despite the complete lack of aerobic exercise, yoga/pilates girl somehow manages to have a perfectly slim body. While the rest of us struggle to balance our one-footed tree pose, she closes her eyes and meditates. After class, you see her at the Grind, drinking a spinach and mango smoothie. (Full disclosure: I once spent an entire semester going to yoga every day in order to acquire the grace and poise of a yoga/pilates girl. Needless to say, those efforts were unsuccessful.) You’re either born a yoga/pilates girl or you’re not
5. The ridiculously fit person singing during body pump
Why are these people even in the gym? How are they in such good shape that they can sing during the most difficult Rec class? While the rest of us cry through the lunge track, they are happily humming along to “Work Hard Play Hard” with over 30 kilos on their bar.
6. Elliptical/magazine/Evian chick
This girl comes to the gym in her pre-planned “cute gym clothes,” just to bop around on the elliptical for 30 minutes while reading a magazine. She proceeds to do approximately 20 crunches. Then she goes home without breaking a sweat. (No shame though, we’ve all identified with this girl at one point in our college careers.)
7. The person who doesn’t wipe down his sweaty machines
Hate is a strong word…I really, really, really don’t like you.
Ariel Cohen is a Confusion Corner columnist and just got her Jane Goodall on at the Rec.