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Chris Cooper stars in CIA thriller ‘Breach’

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The year 2001 will always be remembered for the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001 and the beginning of the War on Terror. While one threat may have begun, another threat was brought down that year. On Feb. 21, 2001, Robert Hanssen — the biggest traitor in U.S. history — was convicted of espionage and brought to justice. The damage that Hanssen brought to the U.S. government has been estimated at several billion dollars.

p. Now, if the ending is already given away, why watch the film? Like “Titanic,” “Breach” is the kind of movie where the excitement lies in watching the buildup that leads to the inevitable conclusion. The film still has its share of twist and turns, and its riveting conclusion is well worthwhile.

p. Aspiring FBI agent Eric O’Neill (Ryan Philippe, “Crash”) has been given the task of exposing his boss, Hanssen (Chris Cooper, “Syriana”), for selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Over 50 people had been assigned over the past decade to bring down Hanssen, and all were unsuccessful. To add to his insurmountable task, O’Neill must also face problems with his marriage and his loyalty to his country.

p. The acting sets the film apart from other recent political thrillers such as “The Sentinel.” Philippe and Cooper are superb. For Cooper, it’s nice to see him in a starring role after being a supporting player in so many films. It is surprising that he doesn’t get more offers like this; his portrayal of the psychotic yet sympathetic Robert Hanssen should get him a few more. This is another commendable job choice by Philippe, following roles in “Flags of our Fathers” and “Crash.” The cast is nicely rounded out by Laura Linney (“Kinsey”), who plays stoic agent Kate Burroughs, the head of the investigation, and Dennis Haysbert (“24”), as Dan Plesac, another head agent.

p. Relatively new director Billy Ray does a fine job with the film. His only previous credit is the Hayden Christenson journalist flick “Shattered Glass,” which dealt with similar themes as does “Breach.” There isn’t anything groundbreaking about Ray’s work, but, if anything, it is above average. The music in the film is about the same — nothing extravagant, but it doesn’t hinder the product.

p. The movie’s best asset is its characters, by which it lives and dies. “Breach” does something a lot of movies do not seem to do anymore — it takes its time to fully develop the film’s protagonist and the antagonist. O’Neill is the young hotshot trying to make a name for himself but is thrust into a “David and Goliath” battle with the crafty double-agent Hanssen. The case gets even more interesting as O’Neill and Hanssen develop a bond.

p. In a Hollywood where movies have an excess of unnecessary drivel, “Breach” takes advantage of the simple elements of filmmaking; solid directing, combined with superb acting and an easy-to-follow script results in an end product that proves appealing to the masses. “Breach” is the rare political thriller that lets its dialogue do the talking and lets its actors tell the story, instead of relying on unnecessary car chases and big explosions.

Drew and Hugh make ugly ‘Music’

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One of the worst feelings is to walk into a movie with the highest of expectations, only to come out feeling like you wasted two hours of your life. Don’t get me wrong — I wasn’t expecting an Oscar winning film from a Hugh Grant romantic comedy. We have seen the formula many times before, but in the past it worked a whole lot better. I’ll put it this way: if you asked me to describe “Music and Lyrics” with a single word, it would have to be “unbearable.”

p. I hardly know where to begin. There is a complete lack of chemistry between Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore; there was just nothing there. In a romantic comedy, that means the film is pretty much doomed before it starts. The love story only served to bore and depress. At no point did I care whether the two characters ended up together, even though it was clear they would.

p. Even as individuals, both characters are insanely annoying. Grant’s Alex Fletcher is an ’80s has-been rocker who never recovered after his bandmate left to become a big star. Barrymore plays Sophia Fisher, the author of a best-selling book about her numerous failures as a writer.

p. Grant is at his worst, far removed from the performances we loved in films like “Notting Hill” and “About a Boy.” He looks old and washed-out, clearly from a generation way before that of his female co-star. It seems he is on his way to becoming the very has-been that he plays in the film. Barrymore also fails miserably in her role, managing to be more annoying than ever.

p. As an audience, we are clearly meant to find Sophie’s quirky and offbeat personality endearing. Instead, we just want to smack her in the face. She appears desperate and needy, and is never able to gain the sympathy of the audience. Both characters are empty and uninspiring. Neither of them confront the demons of their pasts — they only end up with each other in order to bond over their mutual fear of failure and rejection.

p. The one highlight of the film is Grant’s absolutely hilarious stage scenes. If fans love one thing about him, it is his constant willingness to make a complete fool of himself on screen. Grant’s dance moves are reminiscent of that unforgettable scene in “Love Actually.” Fantastic film — you will be on the floor laughing at his rendition of an ’80s music video for the song “Pop! Goes My Heart.” The video makes an excellent mockery of every cheesy pop song that none of us will admit we love. However, despite Grant’s talent for shaking his ass for the camera, it is nowhere near enough to save this film.

p. “Music and Lyrics” fails to achieve the basic necessities of any good romantic comedy. Stay home and save your money; this film is definitely not worth the ticket price.

Hollywood Gossip

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**McSpinoff in the works**

p. Initially hated by Mere-Dere fans for keeping the destined-to-be-together-forever “Grey’s Anatomy” couple apart, Kate Walsh’s Addison Montgomery quickly became a show sweetheart. ‘Grey’s’ creator Shonda Rhimes is in talks with Walsh to create a spinoff that would center on Dr. Montgomery. Plans are still vague: no decision has been made on where the show will even be set. Whatever the outcome, let’s hope Addison can hold our interest without being so dark and twisty.

p. **Britney’s prerogative**

p. She did it again — for the third time within a week, newly bald Britney Spears has checked into rehab. She enrolled one more time at the Promise Malibu Treatment Center, which specializes in drug and alcohol abuse, in a 30-45 day program — a little far-fetched, considering her first two rehab stints were both less than 24 hours each. This comes right as her court date to contest K-Fed’s custody petition approaches. Who knew “Lucky” was such a prophecy?

p. **Drunk much?**

p. Crazy cool Paula Abdul continues to deny rumors that she regularly attends interviews and work drunk, going as far as to claim she’s never been drunk in her life. She was surely straight up when she filmed clips that surfaced on the internet that showed her squirming in her seat and slurring her words. According to the “American Idol” judge, she has never been drunk or done recreational drugs, a claim ‘Idol’ executive producer Nigel Lythgoe confirms.

p. **Bitter Kim bashes Eminem**

p. Always classy Eminem has reacted to comments his ex-wife made last week about the star. Kim Mathers discussed intimate details of the couple’s relationship, saying “he’s not very well-endowed” and that the sex was “bad.” Eminem responded, saying “It’s a shame that I’ve moved on and Kim hasn’t. Her ongoing press campaign is doing nothing but harm to the children, and for that I feel truly sorry.”

Last minute spring break vacation ideas

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It’s Feb. 23, and as we approach the month of March, spring break is already creeping into the minds of scores of exam-weary students.

p. One problem: you haven’t made plans yet.

p. Sure, it’s been on your to do list for a while now, but somehow it just keeps getting pushed back in favor of the reading you can never seem to finish. Or perhaps Mug Night is the culprit. Regardless, with two weeks to go until the big week, you need a plan and fast.

p. A quick online check reveals a new problem: airplane ticket prices have skyrocketed and cruises have filled their guest lists. What is an fun-starved student to do?

p. Luckily, you’re almost certainly not the only poor, unfortunate soul in this dilemma. What would the point of this article be if that as the case? And lucky for you, there are several options still open.

p. Travelocity.com may be telling you that the beaches of sunny Florida are out of your financial reach this late in the game. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find a roundtrip ticket to Florida or Cancun in the neighborhood of $400 to $600. But that doesn’t take into account hotel, food or, perhaps most importantly, beverage.

p. If you are set on the beach experience, you might want to look to the Outer Banks along the Atlantic coast of North Carolina. This is not peak season right now, so it’s likely that there are several decent houses still available for the week, not to mention at a discounted rate. Sure, the water may be cold, but with a handful of friends, you’re almost guaranteed a stress-free week.

p. If you can’t find what you’re looking for in the Outer Banks, but don’t want to give up on the beach, check up north in Delaware. Like the Outer Banks, the beaches along Delaware’s coast are very popular summer vacation spots, but in the off-season, realtors are more interested in filling as many rental houses as they can, which means good prices. Although the commute is a bit farther from Williamsburg, Delaware has the added advantage of no sales tax, making shopping a popular pastime.

p. So what if the beach isn’t your thing in early March? Perhaps a road trip would better suit your preferences. Like the movie of the same name, hilarity is almost guaranteed to ensue on any trip involving friends on the open road. Bonus points if you have a far-fetched goal, like retrieving a poorly conceived revenge sex tape accidentally sent to your girlfriend across the country.

p. More likely, though, your trip could involve several stops, at which you spend a day or so before moving on to the next. A good way to accomplish this is to string together home cities of several friends. That way, you’ve got a guide and free lodging.

p. Another option is the marathon car trip with a single destination where you stay for a few mostly sleepless nights before packing up and returning home. An excellent destination for this latter form of road tripping is Montreal. Roughly a 12-hour drive from the Williamsburg area, Montreal has many attractions, especially for the under-21, crowd given the fact that the legal drinking age is 18. If you’re among the age challenged, Montreal may be the perfect city for you; that is, if you can stand the frigid temperatures.

p. If you’re simply interested in escaping the wintry weather, south is probably the only direction to go. Baseball fans know that Major League Baseball’s spring training is underway.

p. By the time break rolls around, the pre-season exhibition games will have started. If you’re a sports fan, entertain the thought of road tripping down to catch a few games. Tickets are generally easy to come by and are far cheaper than those you’ll find during the regular season. The games offer a far more intimate setting than you’ll find in big league stadiums and the experience is entirely different than a regular Major League game.

p. For a shorter road trip, find your closest Northern Virginia friend (you’ve got to have at least a few) and suggest a trip to the nation’s capital. Washington, D.C. is a city full of touristy activities. The museums that make up the National Mall are all free, as are the monuments and art galleries. Other popular museums, such as the Holocaust Museum and the Spy Museum, are also possible stops. However, take note that the Spy Museum has an entry fee, while the Holocaust Museum only allows a set number of people inside for a given time slot.

p. In addition to its regular attractions, the District is also currently hosting the Shakespeare In Washington festival at the Kennedy Center. The festival features interpretations of the Bard’s work through the media of theater, music, dance, film and art. So, if “The Tempest” or “Romeo and Juliet” are your cup of tea, perhaps this is the vacation destination for you. For more information on the Kennedy Center’s Shakespeare programming, check out Kennedy-Center.org.

p. Washington will also play host to the Washington, D.C. International Food and Wine Festival March 9 through March 11 at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, which is close to the National Mall. Ticket prices are a bit steep at $65 for a single day ticket or $85 for both days, but the festival promises to be a high-end event, and should be considered by the aspiring gourmets among us. For more information on this event, check Wine-expos.com/dc.

p. For those looking to escape the city and civilization, this next trip might be more up your alley. Check out a few backpacks and some camping equipment from the Rec Center and go backpacking through the Shenandoah Valley. There are seemingly endless trails running through the mountains and the valley, leaving the possibilities for an outdoorsy trip completely up in the air.

p. While the weather will probably be chilly, taking such a trip will help you escape from the stresses of academia, at least for the week you’ll be trundling through the wilderness. Be advised, though, that there are some costs associated with this trip, including the equipment rental, passes to get into the park and overnight permits.

p. With spring break arriving in two weeks, the time to finalize your plans is now. Use one of these ideas, modify one to make your own plans or simply come up with one of your own. Whatever you do, don’t be the only person at the Green Leafe for Mug Night come March 11.

Panty-twisting over juvenile scrotal knowledge overlooks more pressing issues

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Let’s play word association — the game where I say one thing and you say the next thing that pops into your head, and then I judge you because whatever you said, I’m sure I would have said something much cleverer. When I say, “William,” you say, “Mary,” or “Shakespeare,” or something equally as obvious and non-offensive. A response like “Henry Harrison, ninth president of the United States,” would be a little less conventional, but I’ll allow it.

p. Now, what do you think of when I say, “children’s book”? How about if I add “Newberry-award-winning” or “third grade level”? Are you thinking of the word “scrotum” yet?

p. Yes, scrotum. In this year’s winner of the Newberry Medal, “The Higher Power of Lucky,” the taboo anatomical reference shows up multiple times. And — surprise, surprise — people are getting their panties in a twist over it.

p. I’m a little torn on the issue myself. At first, this was because I wasn’t exactly sure what a scrotum was. I knew it was a naughty word, but I’m innocent, I’m naive and I’m really bad at anatomy. So I Wikipedia’d it, simultaneously learning all about the scrotum and turning Wikipedia into the exciting, shiny, new verb it’s always wanted to be.

p. After my very enlightening Wikipedia session, I still didn’t know quite how I felt about the choice of this particular word for use in children’s literature. On the one hand — in case you couldn’t tell from my own sparkling-clean language — I am not what you would call a “fan” of censorship. If people want to put scrotums (or is the plural “scrota”?) all over their books, I feel like we should let them do their thing. They’re the authors — the people we entrust to educate our children; if they don’t know what they’re doing, we’re in trouble.

p. Obviously, no favorite childhood books educated me about this particular subject (thanks a lot, Mercer Mayer), and the lack of such a literary learning experience forced me to publicly admit my ignorance in a silly column devoted to the word “scrotum.” No parent wants their child to go through that kind of humiliation, or, worse yet, to turn out like me.

p. On the other hand, no parent or teacher wants to undergo the blush-inducing experience of having a nine-year-old demand of her, “So Mrs. May, what the heck is a scrotum?” Scrotal knowledge seems to be the realm of the middle-school-and-up crowd. People who still partake of “potty breaks” and Dunk-a-Roos just don’t sound right lisping through a story about one of the many unattractive features of the male genitalia, do they?

p. Maybe I’m not giving the kids enough credit. They probably don’t have to Wikipedia things like that. Third-graders today are hip, they’re worldly, they watch Discovery Health Channel (okay, just the ones being groomed for medical school, but I’m sure they pass the juicy bits on to their friends at recess). Who am I to say what they should be reading?

p. The offending scrotum of the story doesn’t even actually belong to a human. It’s a dog who suffers the mortification of having his scrotum discussed by not only the young, overly precious dog owner hero of the story, but also by the children, the parents, the librarians, the teachers and snarky little nobodies like me. Even more embarrassing for said dog, the scrotum in question appears as the unfortunate victim of a rattlesnake bite. There is no sex and no human nudity. I think dog nudity does occur, but everyone (weirdly enough) seems to be okay with that.

p. With these qualifiers in mind, I’m becoming convinced that the scrotum story is all right for the children. It teaches them to stick it to the censorship man. It encourages building online research skills. And when all is said and done, I think even the prudes can be happy. When the children see those Wikipedia pictures, they’ll probably be put off their Dunk-a-Roos and their scrotum talk for the next few years. And then we can all focus on the more pressing issues of rattlesnake bites and dog nudity.

p. __Lauren Bell is a Confusion Corner columnist for The Flat Hat. She creatifies verbs like it’s nobody’s business.__

Horoscopes (Feb. 23)

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Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

As an advocate of business, you will practice all next week punching numbers into a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Group projects are mundane and tedious in your opinion, especially when groups do not reference drugs as a primary source.

Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

A creative solution is always on the horizon, but cherry bombs will never fix your broken toilet — even if they do provide late night entertainment.

Gemini: May 21- June 21

The stars are watching over all of your activities this week. But you can’t watch us; we have a restraining order.

Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

While your Segway is on the fritz, you will be forced to break out the skis and resort to your back-up transportation plan of cross-country skiing.

Cancer: June 22 – July 22

Technology has a hold on you, which you will realize this week when you “accidentally” superglue your phone to your belt.

Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Spring break is coming soon, so plan ahead and get alcohol as soon as possible. Remember to resist the urge to drink it all beforehand.

Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22

You will decide this week that anything that makes someone hurt is a bad thing, unless it makes people laugh. Then it’s fine.

Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20

The trees will speak to you this week, uncovering the darkest and most mysterious secrets behind weight loss. Just make sure you listen.

Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

You knew it was time for a wake-up call when you found out chasing squirrels around all day does not count as a psychology lab.

Aries: March 21 – April 19

You will storm out of your physics class this week, not because you failed a quiz or test, but because you do not attend this school.

Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

After entering a “time machine,” you will wake up tomorrow with a hangover, sore throat, a tie-dye shirt and bell-bottoms.

Heroman

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That Guy: Chris Edwards

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Clutched by the perpetual fear of straightforward social interaction, you have probably found yourself staring at someone whose appearance or demeanor is downright arresting, wishing desperately for guts or a “get out of propriety free” card because you know the conversation would just be so interesting. Just about anyone who knows Chris Edwards could attest that his hand-drawn T-shirt, vintage cardigans and signature ’stache are mere accoutrements to a personality that would make any awkward icebreaker worth the interaction. I personally laughed so hard I almost couldn’t do the interview. Fortunately, I persevered, and here That Guy muses on muskrats and the PC term for “pinheads.”

p. **Where do you get your clothes? Do you make them yourself?**

p. Well, all shirts with marker drawings on them are ones I made myself. I go thrifting a lot. I have been twice, by the same lady at the thrift store, been called a drag queen. I’ll buy a sweater or cardigan in the ladies section and I think I didn’t even buy it once, I was just looking at it, and she said something, like “On Maury there are these drag queens …” while looking at me. I was like

p. “It’s a men’s sweater that just happens to be in the ladies section!”

p. So we’re friends. Kitty, I call her.

p. **Have you always been a funny man?**

p. I don’t really know. I [was] when I was eight. I won third place in Lemonade in the Shade, which is a local contest for children in Newtown, Iowa [my hometown]. I was going to do puppets, but the puppets didn’t work out, so I told jokes instead, and I won third place. I got beaten by a Chinese girl playing the violin and a cowboy playing the banjo.

p. **Did you do anything comedic in high school?**

p. Yeah, I was in a sketch comedy group called Graffiti. We were terrible. We had a girl in the group who we let in because she was crazy. Like one week we were filming and she ran away with her friend who was addicted to prescription pills. Everyone said she ran away to France because she was really into “Phantom of the Opera.” I don’t know what that has to do with anything. She actually ran away to northeastern Iowa. She was still pretty crazy when she got back.

p. **Why were you in Europe this summer?**

p. I studied abroad in Prague over the summer. It was pretty awesome. I bought an airplane hat, and a taxidermied muskrat, and I met an adorable street urchin. She was actually really old. We were friends; she always asked for cigarettes, and I never had any. That was our thing.

p. **How did you meet?**

p. We were going home at 4 in the morning and she came up and asked for cigarettes outside of a store. We still e-mail.
No, those people don’t have computers. She spends her money on drugs. We actually only met once, but I think about her all the time. She was pretty important to me.

p. **You’re a senior. What are you doing when you graduate?**

p. Well, my modeling is really starting to take off, so I’ll probably go to Milan for a couple of years. But if that doesn’t work out, I’m probably going to go to the Kansas City Art Institute for a year to do my post-baccalaureate stuff before graduate school. I’m a Studio Art major. I do ceramics primarily.

p. **What are the fruits of your studies? Do you have a room full of jars somewhere?**

p. No, I do more sculptural ceramics. My mom has a room — my old room and now the quilting room, but the room that I stay in when I go home is full of my stuff.

p. Right now I’m doing a series of circus freaks. That’s pretty exciting. They’re in miniature. One is a Siamese salt-and-pepper shaker; the salt shakes out of one shoulder and pepper shakes out of the other. I want to do pinheads. I don’t know if that’s the right word anymore.

p. **Any special memories about 7th Grade Sketch Comedy you’d like to share?**

p. The greatest thing that happened during a show ever was in “Applebee’s the Musical” — that real crowd pleasa. Shaun was at the part where he slides triumphantly across the stage on his knees. He slid right off the stage. I think someone in the group actually peed their pants laughing.

p. **So how has senior year been treating you?**

p. My turtle died this year. Large Marge. She was a terrapin, about the size of a hamburger. I’d had her for six years or something, and I just found her dead one day. We buried her at Lake Mataoka — we just put her in the lake — and we had a reception at Nawab. Actually we just ate at Nawab for lunch.

p. **Any last thoughts? About your person? Or your time at William and Mary? Or pinheads?**

p. I really don’t think that’s the appropriate term for it. What is it? Oh, microcephaly.

Sex, advice and video tape

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We’re surrounded by sex in the media. Movies, music videos and even magazines, sell sex and sexual suggestion almost constantly. But hey, if all of this sexual imagery around us gets us thinking and knowing more about sex, that’s not such a bad thing, right? I guess that could be true, except that much of what the media teaches us about sex is untrue and occasionally dangerous.

p. One of the biggest problems with movie sex, from the perspective of real people trying to have good sex, is that, in the movies, they never talk about anything. The tension builds between the hero and heroine while they save the planet or whatever until they finally kiss, rapidly ripping each other’s clothes off and getting down to business without many words to get in the way. Before you know it, they’re naked, hot and nearing climax, all in silence except for the occasional moaning.

p. All of us who live in reality, however, know that sex should never happen without some conversation first. In fact, it’s probably not going to be good if you don’t communicate well. Movie characters never discuss who has a condom or pause for a moment in their passionate embrace to grab one from a purse or drawer. They skip the foreplay, the build-up and all of the other great parts in the middle and go from the first embrace to the climax in 60 seconds flat.

p. Also, our on-screen lovers never talk together about what their partner might want sexually. Their turn-ons, techniques and tricks are never verbalized, each player just magically knows what to do to win the game. The problem is that, in reality, lovers can’t usually read each other’s minds, especially not the first time in bed, and in order to have healthy, satisfying sex you need to communicate, about what you like and don’t like, and what you really enjoy.

p. Another problem with the movies is that they always seem to have mind-blowing sex. I mean, I understand why the movies producers do this — I certainly don’t want to watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have awkward, clumsy sex on screen. But, as we all know, not all sex is great sex — not even close. Sometimes we have bad sex, awkward sex or just plain boring, mediocre sex and that’s pretty normal. From our constant media exposure, however, it’s easy to feel like we should all be having earth-shattering sex, from beginning to end — with a simultaneous climax in a few minutes.

p. So, what can we do about these dangerous media myths about sex that have been fed into our brains by Hollywood? Just being aware of the ridiculousness of the situation we are watching goes a long way. Also, if you are feeling like being a little more proactive in your quest to break down the impacts of the media in your own sex life, try rebuilding the media in your own image, literally — try making your own movie.

p. Making and then watching a video of yourself having sex with your partner(s) can be a surprisingly hot and eye-opening experience. At first, the idea of watching yourself have sex can induce cringing levels of awkwardness, like the painful process of listening to your own voice on your voice mail message, except worse, because you’re naked and moaning. However, almost everyone I’ve talked to who has tried it has decided that, despite their initial aversion, it actually wasn’t so bad to watch themselves in action.

p. The actual recording itself shouldn’t be that hard. If you are feeling very brave and artistic, you can recruit a friend to operate the camera, thus getting the best angles and lighting. However, in most cases, just setting up a camera on a nearby table or dresser so that it has a good clear shot of the bed will work just fine. Then, do your best to ignore it. Once you’re in the moment with your partner, you’ll probably forget all about it, anyway.

p. Then, later, sit down together and watch your movie. Sure, it’s not going to look quite as good as those scenes in the movies, but, then again, no one was interrupting to fix your hair or reposition your legs at a better angle for the audience, right? It’s a interesting experience because it gives you a chance to see what actual sex looks like. You might have a funny expression on your face or move your body in an awkward way, but it’s real and what felt right to you both at the time.

p. You’ll probably look better than you feared. Frankly, that’s hotter than fake movie sex. At least you actually got off and the actors most likely did not.

p. You can check video-cameras out from the Swem media center, so I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Next time, instead of going out to a movie, stay in and make one!

p. __Kate Prengaman is the Flat Hat sex columnist. She’s putting herself up for auction March 1 in Lodge 1 from 9 to 11 p.m. to help kids in Losho, Kenya. She’d love for you to come bid on a date with her … for the kids.__

Here he is, Mr. W&M

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Alex Haglund, The Flat Hat. Senior Scott Brown won the title crown at the seventh annual Mr. William and Mary pageant Wednesday night. He defeated several campus celebrities, such as Student Assembly President Ryan Scofield.