Horoscopes (Sept. 14)

	Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21 Even though that girl continues to ignore your phone calls, e-mails, IMs and midnight serenading, just remember: Try, try again.		Taurus: April 20 – May 20 Just because the guy down the hall is pre-med doesn’t mean he’s qualified to remove your appendix or stich up the gash over your right eye.
	Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 The latest Anna Nicole Smith scandal? Shocking. The amount of reading you’ve ignored to watch “CSI” reruns? Not so much.		Gemini: May 21- June 21 You’ll be surprised when, after losing your ID, you discover dorm doors unlock when you say, “Open Sesame!”
	Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 Monday, a hilarious misunderstanding will lead to you accidentally outing your roommate on national television.		Cancer: June 22 – July 22 The stars saw you laughing when your history reading mentioned the Hawley-Smoot Tariff. They think you should grow up.
	Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Frankly, it’s embarrassing that your favorite author is Ayn Rand. Come on. You’re in college now; put down “Atlas Shrugged.”		Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22 The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match.
	Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20 The Student Health Center will be seeing an influx of students when the flashmob you’re organizing results in 48 concussions.		Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22 A living will is never a bad idea, but a regular will doesn’t matter if all you own is a “Wedding Crashers” DVD and a case of Natty.
	Aries: March 21 – April 19 To answer the random question you’ve probably never asked before, yes, your professor’s carpets do match her drapes.		Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match.