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Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21Even though that girl continues to ignore your phone calls, e-mails, IMs and midnight serenading, just remember: Try, try again. |
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Taurus: April 20 – May 20Just because the guy down the hall is pre-med doesn’t mean he’s qualified to remove your appendix or stich up the gash over your right eye. |
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Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21The latest Anna Nicole Smith scandal? Shocking. The amount of reading you’ve ignored to watch “CSI” reruns? Not so much. |
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Gemini: May 21- June 21You’ll be surprised when, after losing your ID, you discover dorm doors unlock when you say, “Open Sesame!” |
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Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19Monday, a hilarious misunderstanding will lead to you accidentally outing your roommate on national television. |
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Cancer: June 22 – July 22The stars saw you laughing when your history reading mentioned the Hawley-Smoot Tariff. They think you should grow up. |
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Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18Frankly, it’s embarrassing that your favorite author is Ayn Rand. Come on. You’re in college now; put down “Atlas Shrugged.” |
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Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match. |
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Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20The Student Health Center will be seeing an influx of students when the flashmob you’re organizing results in 48 concussions. |
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Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22A living will is never a bad idea, but a regular will doesn’t matter if all you own is a “Wedding Crashers” DVD and a case of Natty. |
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Aries: March 21 – April 19To answer the random question you’ve probably never asked before, yes, your professor’s carpets do match her drapes. |
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Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match. |
