IDEA A Very Merry Finals Watchlist
So it’s finals. It’s (kind of) cold, dark and dreary; the days are short and nights only made longer by thousands of pages to read and somehow learn, and papers that number in the millions. So what’s a poor little TWAMP to do besides hunker down in Swem and actually, you know, study? Ah, yes. Procrastinate. Procrastinaiton is time-honored tradition, held fast by generations before us with no sign of alleviation. Methods have evolved greatly over the years, and now even their forms and variations exceed available time. There’s trips to Wawa, hours-long Caf sessions always punctuated by soft serve no matter the weather, and of course, your general revelry and shenanigans (one semester I watched the boys of a freshman hall do handstands down the center aisle of Swem third. The reactions were well worth the time spent.)
All valid methods, all certainly suitable of wasting a few hours until your pending exam panic sets in and your brain goes into LEARN mode and consumes knowledge at a rate only previously observed in MacArthur Genius Grant winners (now if someone will just teach me how to do this for my 8 a.m. calc class, I’d be set). I however, prefer a classic – Netflix. Whichever method you normally use to procure and/or view television would also be suitable for this technique.
But you don’t want to completely waste your time, right? Better to watch something at least somewhat applicable to the exam you have tomorrow – hey, maybe some of it will even be on the exam! Disclaimer: this is highly unlikely but if it is, please email me so that I can share in the awesomeness.
So without further ado…
I present “The Grand Ultra Supreme List of Shows to Watch When You Have an Exam in 22 Hours and Want to Pretend You’re Actually Studying But Are Actually Just Goofing Around Eating Raisinets, Cheese Curls, and Leftover Dominos”
If you’re a business major and stressing about your finance exam:
“House of Lies”: Set in a high-powered consulting firm, Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell kick ass and spew bullshit for thirty minutes. So you can dream of a land beyond the annuity formula and time value of money, and maybe consider switching your major from finance to consulting.
Alternatively, that episode of “How I Met Your Mother” when Ted and Barney attempt to run a bar.
If you’re a bio major and have a huge anatomy exam coming up:
“House”. Nothing says I can name all the muscles in the body like Lupus. Bonus! Pre-meds can dream about easy access to narcotics and the unique fun of terrorizing underlings.
Alternatively, “Grey’s Anatomy”. Nothing says stress-relief like main characters dying tragic deaths. No matter how poorly you do, you’re at least not trapped under a plane or a ferry or in a room with a bomb inside another human being or something.
If you’re a history major and that European paper just isn’t working…
“Mad Men”. It has suits, smoking, and sexism; averything a good historical(ish) drama needs. Plus Jon Hamm AND Alison Brie… need I say more?
Alternatively, “Downton Abbey”. Or “Hatfield and McCoys”. But whatever you do, don’t attempt to watch the actual History Channel. All they show now is Swamp People reruns and that aliens guy.
If you’re a government major (also applicable to public policy majors and majorettes):
“Political Animals”. Sigourney Weaver, Sebastian Stan, and Carla Cugino bring light to life in the inner circle of the Secretary of State. There’s also a great deal of PG-13 sex and plenty of awesome women-power moments. It’s even a mini-series, so no risk of serious time-suck for the more dedicated TWAMPS among us.
Alternatively, “Parks and Recreation”, for those looking for a lower-stress and higher-humor take on government. “I call noodles long ass rice. I call forks food rakes. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds.”
If you’re a psych major…
“The Big Bang Theory”. There’s technically science-y stuff (probably at least 90% inaccurate, but not my problem) that’s likely not on your exam but might be helpful for the physics majors among us! (Disclaimer: Probably not.)
If you’re an education major:
“Community”. For one thing, it’ll definitely teach you how not to teach a community college course in Accounting. It will also teach you the unique world of Dalmatian fetishes and festive Claymation. Also Joel McHale’s abs.
Alternatively, “Gossip Girl”. If nothing else, you’ll learn the NYC socialite method of skipping classes, which will should help you prevent your own bratty sixteen year old students from getting away with it.
If you’re an English major and Shakespeare just isn’t your thing:
“Castle”. True crime novels are a valid form of literature, right? If not, shows about fictional true crime novelists working with a police department are fo sho. Plus Mal Reynolds.
Alternatively… “30 Rock”. It’s a show about writing a show. With Tina Fey. What’s not to like?
Last but not least…
If you’re a language major:
Any of the above with foreign dubbing and/or foreign subtitles. English subtitles are cheating and may result in an honor code violation.
So there you have it, folks. Almost a thousand words on ways to procrastinate the day away. Should you require additional assistance, I welcome emails. Or instead, perhaps open up your textbook? Just a friendly suggestion.