I’d say that there are all kinds of breakups. A breakup is the ending of a relationship — any relationship. It’s the signing of a new lease without the roommate who never did her dishes, or the cutting off of a friend who only called you when he needed money, or the parting of two people who used to be best friends but something got in the way. The ending of a romantic relationship, or a sexual one, is not the only type of breakup. But sometimes, this kind seems like it’s the worst.

I have been through a lot of breakups. A few were ended by me and a few weren’t. It isn’t easy being on either side, be it after two weeks, two months or two years, because two weeks, two months or two years ago, you decided to let someone else in, and in the end, found out that it wasn’t the best decision. Now you have to start over. Now you just feel alone.

Couples break up because of distance, they break up because one of them met someone new, they break up because getting married is too scary. Sometimes they break up because they just can’t stay together. I spent a lot of time my senior year of high school worrying about whether my high school sweetheart and I were going to stay together in college. We went away for beach week, and I had what I considered the best week of my life with him. Then we came home and spent three days breaking up. Day one: He didn’t want to stay together in college. Day two: He didn’t want to stay together until college. Day three: It came out that he had been cheating on me all along.

The worst part wasn’t that I was dumped or that I was alone. The worst part was that I’d had an idea of how the world works, and my picture of it had been shattered. Nothing seemed to be how I believed it was. I had thought that he loved me, that we would always be together, and that I was all he needed. In reality, he was thinking about other girls, how to get with other girls, and how to break up with me.

“The worst part of this isn’t losing my boyfriend or my bed buddy or even not speaking to my best friend,” I wrote in my high school journal. “The worst part of this is looking this guy in the face that I thought I knew so well for so long, this guy that I always trusted with everything — my feelings, my insecurities, my imperfections — and realizing that I don’t know who he is. That in spite of all the trust I gave him, he didn’t deserve it. That he actually took my trust, my gift, and took it for granted, [messed] with it beyond measure to such an extreme that I don’t believe a single thing he says anymore.”

What do you do when you feel like Alice after she fell through the looking glass, not sure that anything around you, or even you, yourself, is real? You move forward. I cried. A lot. I turned to my friends, expecting them to comfort me with open arms. They did. I changed my view of life. I stopped thinking about him as the most perfect man and started thinking about him as an immature boy, not worthy to breathe the same air as me. (Dramatic? Maybe.)

It didn’t happen overnight. A lot of it was talking big to others, but mostly to myself. I wrote it down. I wrote it down a lot. I got mad instead of hurt, and then I cut him out. Then, I told myself to save myself the energy. It took a long time, but eventually, I realized that he wasn’t worth hating, and that hating him took up too much energy and too much precious time. I wrote a letter to myself: “Most importantly, take that emptiness and that hurt and turn it into something productive. It doesn’t matter what, just do something with it. Live each day as if everything is going your way even if the world is falling down around you. Force a smile and trick yourself into believing everything is great, and someday, it will be.”

It sounds so easy, typed up like that, like there’s a linear progression you can follow. It’s not like that. It hurts, and it’s a hurt that almost consumes you until there’s nothing left but the hurt.

What no one talks about is the weird in between time — the time right between breaking up and deciding whether to be friends or part ways forever, the time when hooking up is like a relapse that puts you back into the pain cycle and makes you vulnerable all over again, even though it feels so good while it’s happening. No one talks about what to do when he says that he’s sorry, or that he [messed] up, or that he misses you. I read something by Greg Behrendt once that went a long way toward reminding me how important I was during this messy in-between time. “Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.”

And you know what? It’s true. Whether you broke up a very long time ago, have just broken up, or are about to just break up, it’s important to know that life will continue; it’ll just be different. The very first thing you have to do in this new life is decide who you’ll be. It’s a chance to start over, however you want. If you were the girl that waited around for a call, maybe you’ll pick up the phone. If you were always available, maybe you’ll play hard to get. If you settled for less, maybe you’ll expect more. I was the one who was taken for granted, and now I demand appreciation.

I just want you to know that whoever you are and whoever you decide to be after this, you are worth the space you take up, and you deserve the air you breathe, and you will be better because of this experience, if only because you’ll know you can rely on yourself.

__Krystyna Holland is a Behind Closed Doors columnist and won’t be found buying tissues, ice cream and sweatpants anytime soon.__

__Justice – Audio, Video, Disco__
Most people know Justice from their song “Genesis” being used in a car ad (I believe it was for Cadillacs). The French electro group’s first album, Cross, was quite danceable. There’s no “D.A.N.C.E.” with adorable childish vocals urging you to do just what the song says. Instead, the sound of “Genesis” has prevailed, but in a harsher, more aggressive form. Justice has taken the harder electro elements from Cross and turned them into an album which deserves its name. With less poppy influences and more instrumentals, Justice is moving in a new direction. It certainly is as skillfully produced and orchestrated as their previous work, but only time will tell whether it will be as commercially successful. I personally feel that in the age of Skrillex and Bassnectar on the Top 40 charts, an album like this can do well, but we shall see. Perhaps the Frenchness will be a bit too much for the dubstep fans, and this will fall flat. Nevertheless, Justice has a faithful fan in me, and I shall continue to enjoy their music while pretending to drive sexy cars through perfectly lit up tunnels in major metropolitan areas at night.

__Florence + The Machine – Ceremonials__
Florence + The Machine is a band I sadly never got into when they were first popular. I found her voice and sound too “mindie,” as Carles of Hipster Runoff would say, and didn’t find it too energizing. But of course, everyone, myself included, was waiting eagerly for her sophomore album, Ceremonials, which has so far been a success according to major websites like Pitchfork which tend to like people like Florence Welsh. She has distilled the best elements of her personal sound into a refined version, which is more polished and emphasizes what her fans like best about her music. The grandness and orchestral influences which they enjoy, and which have garnered her much commercial success, serve her well in this second album. You should absolutely get into it if you liked her first release at all. Who knows if tracks from this will be used in commercials? Perhaps her grandiose music will overwhelm the product itself and be unusable for marketing purposes, as companies everywhere realize they are just promoting Florence and not themselves. Her fans will surely keep her in good stead though, as she blazes her way to “Best Albums of the Year” lists everywhere.

__Purity Ring/Braids – Split 7″__
This release was one I was waiting for eagerly forever and was absolutely ecstatic to finally get my hands on (at their live show, no less). The vinyl is slick cerulean blue and coral orange (combined! like flavored sherbet) and has two snazzy new electronic tracks. The A-side contains “Belispeak,” the third single from Canadian duo Purity Ring, which brings the talent of Gobble Gobble member Corin Roddick and vocalist Megan James into a futuristic union of undulating, haunting electronica. This release is just a teaser and I am anticipating their full length release later this year (hopefully!) as Purity Ring is posted to be my favorite artist of the year and “Lofticries” my favorite single. The cheerier B-side, with “Peach Wedding” by Braids, is a pleasant track which has been compared to a female-fronted Animal Collective, which I hesitantly agree with. Braids is less aggressive and has a poppier feel to it, but they both still have unconventional instrumentation, song structure, and an experimental feel. I had only heard of Braids before this, but am pleased with the result, and feel that the two songs complement each other quite well.

__M83 – Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming__
The much anticipated new M83 is a double album, consisting of twenty two full length tracks. While some may bemoan Anthony Gonzalez’s ambition, they have to admit it is quite admirable, and fits in well with the expansive, sweeping electronic sound that characterizes M83. The album length is quite intimidating but when you sit down and listen, you start to appreciate Gonzalez’s vision. It started with a mysterious YouTube video several months ago, which merely featured a grand orchestral note and some images of pretty things, and has now evolved into this fully fledged beast of an album, which will take quite some time to digest. Albums with “Intro” and “Outro” tracks are often disparaged as pretentious, but M83 is so likeable and earnest, and the French are so adept at getting away with pretentiousness, that this album is absolutely worth a listen regardless. Concept albums are also becoming increasingly difficult to promote, as the world of digital music is all about the singles, but when a band like M83 comes out with one, it’s just pleasant to put it on and get lost in the soundscapes. The band is named after a galaxy (Messier 83), which I feel explains their style surprisingly well, and you too can partake in intergalactic travel if you put this record on.

“Please don’t mind what I’m trying to say because I’m being honest;” this lyric is appropriate in the context of this article, and it’s from my favorite song by Cartel. When asked about what I thought of the concert — announced by AMP the week before fall break — my mind went completely blank. I had never heard of Cartel before, and I thought of the drug trade before I thought of the band. However, many of my friends told me they were popular back in middle school, which led me to ask myself what I was doing in middle school that I’d never heard of this band. In doing a bit of research — travelling down memory lane and YouTube — I realized that I have heard of Cartel. Their song “Honestly,” quoted at the beginning of this article, was released my freshman year of high school. This was a time when I still listened to bands like Simple Plan, Panic at the Disco and My Chemical Romance, which all fall somewhere in the penumbra of aggressive pop-punk-emo music.

In 2005, the band released its first album, “Chroma,” which has some of its most popular singles. Two years later, their second album, “Cartel,” debuted, and they were featured in MTV’s Band in a Bubble, a stunt in which a band lives in a bubble while writing and recording an album. They followed up with their third album “Cycles” in 2009. Despite their mainstream exposure and initial success, Cartel seems to have faded into the background of recent music. Homecoming ignites feelings of nostalgia, and Cartel’s music did the same. Everyone in the crowd that night, student and alumni alike, took a stroll down memory lane.

After relearning some of their songs, I was looking forward to the concert. This was going to be a chance for my friends and me to relive our yeras as awkward tweens who listened to music too loudly for our parents’s taste. It was nice to see that, despite the cold weather, the diehard members of the Tribe came to rock out. The opening performance was by an alumni band, and, from what I heard, they prepared the audience well for the main event. Even though there weren’t many people in the amphitheater the crowd erupted with energy when Cartel hit the stage.

Although I hadn’t heard of them in some time, Cartel has been busy in the last few years. They played a couple of covers and their more familiar classics “Say Anything (Else)” and “Let’s Go,” which had the crowd singing along. They also shared some new music from their recent EP, “In Stereo,” which included some great songs. In my opinion, their new stuff sounded the same as their older material, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some bands evolve over time, but it’s also nice to see consistency, especially in groups that you listened to growing up. I really enjoyed “Something to Believe” and “Lessons in Love,” both of which had the crowd jumping with excitement. At any given moment, it was impossible to see someone in the audience standing still. The crowd had so much enthusiasm; there was hair waving, head bobbing, fist pounding and air guitars at spontaneous moments throughout the show.

Cartel had a great sense of humor and formed a relationship with the crowd throughout the concert by telling jokes and taking requests. Many of the attendees had seen the band perform live in Richmond and in Norfolk, so the audience was comprised of some devoted fans. It was loud and fun and the bright lights of the stage mimicked the passion from the audience. The band was called back to the stage for an encore after their last song and performed their most well known single “Honestly.”

Cartel is a big shift in musical genres compared to the artists that AMP has attracted the past few semesters. Recent concerts have been dominated by big names in the hip-hop community such as Wale, Big Sean and The Roots. I think the Tribe really appreciated the diversity in AMP’s selection of performers.

The glossy oak floors of the Muscarelle Museum of Art reflected the spellbound audience as they intently listened to Thulani Davis read excerpts from her new book “My Confederate Kinfolk” Wednesday.

Thulani Davis’s reading was the third event in this year’s Patrick Hayes Writers Series at the College of William and Mary. Davis is a renowned journalist, poet, screenwriter, playwright and musician. She recently focused her energy on writing

“My Confederate Kinfolk” — a memoir exploring her family’s black and white roots in the South during and after the Civil War.

Hermine Pinson, associate professor of English, briefly introduced Davis and acknowledged the ongoing Patrick Hayes Writing Series that will continue throughout the year.

“You could say Miss Davis is from a tribe of storytellers,” Pinson said.

Davis approached the podium clutching two books. She put on her glasses and smiled at the crowd.

“I grew up in 1959, before many of us knew our own history,” Davis said. “My mother died when I was six. No one in the family even got her story straight. To learn about your ancestors requires the ability to stare at a brick wall and say, ‘I’m going through you.’”

Davis explained that she hadn’t always been interested in her family history, nor had she been very close with her grandmother, from whom she inherited three ancient family photo albums.

“It wasn’t until about 30 years after I got the photo albums that I began to wonder about the people in them and what became of them,” Davis said.

Davis described her black and white ancestors and the difficulty she faced in finding out information about them. It was hard to find information on her black relatives, but it was harder to find the connection between her great-grandmother and former slave, Chloe Curry, and her former-slave owner, Will Campbell, who impregnated her. Sometimes what she found haunted her.

“I discovered one of my ancestors ordered the massacre of 300 black soldiers. I discovered this Great Uncle Campbell of mine had allowed a man to be lynched and to hang from the pecan tree until he rotted — the man who was lynched was a state representative, a schoolteacher, a father,” Davis said. “I was sick after reading about the lynching, but I was grateful to a fellow writer, Morgan, for writing it all down.”

Although some of her discoveries tormented her, the dig into her past was incredibly important to Davis — especially the parts she wrote about Chloe Curry.

“This, I believe, is the story her daughter [my grandmother] wanted told, and I am honored to have survived to do that for her. What is inside me now is as vast as the eye can see, standing up in a Delta cotton field after every plant has been picked. I walk with fluffy white lint under every step,” Davis read from “My Confederate Kinfolk.”

Davis then read a few excerpts from her book “1959.” She focused on the section about a sick African woman abandoned and left to die on the shores of Hampton, Va. at Fort Monroe.

“Those who took [Fort Monroe] down would never know this spit of land was where the first ship bringing slaves to America stopped and dropped anchor long enough to put ashore an ailing African woman, presumably to die. It’s a meaningless bit of history, but I claim her with my laugh, knowing she probably lived, knowing she was mad as hell. … They called her Angela. I call her Gambia. I’ve claimed her as kin, first of my line. I’ve watched the storms build off her shore. I’ve walked her beach,” Davis read from “1959.” “I claim her survivor energy that I was raised with.”

Davis has worked tirelessly to turn Fort Monroe into a National Monument to preserve the area that she believes is home to the beginning and the end of slavery. That is her current project, stemming from the research she did for “My Confederate Kinfolk.”

“My work has informed me, and it has been an amazing journey,” Davis said.