If you’re anything like me, you need caffeine just to move — let alone think — in the morning, so it’s no surprise that you can find energy drinks everywhere on every college campus. This got me thinking of the many changes in taste I’ve had on my caffeine journey. What was once amazing is now vile, and there are so many drinks to choose from. So, what to do? Well, I bought and tasted all of them, so you don’t have to! Or do. Drink responsibly!
First, a quick point on methodology. There are a million and one drinks out there that contain caffeine, which are considered energy drinks, and there are just as many energy drink companies. What I’m testing are energy drinks one could easily find in Williamsburg at a gas station, convenience store or campus store. If it is marketed as an energy drink, but its content that makes it “energizing” is made of something that isn’t caffeine, such as electrolytes, I’m not ranking that (sorry, Gatorade). Also, I’m not testing Mountain Dew because it’s a soft drink, but it does indeed have a lot of caffeine!
Red Bull (12th) – 9.52mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 0/10 Aftertaste: 0/10
Maybe this is a bad place to start, but Red Bull is pure gasoline and I don’t believe anyone when they say it’s good. Red Bull was the first energy drink I ever tasted, and I immediately decided all energy drinks were disgusting if they tasted like this. Red Bull is the only drink on this list I would pass up if offered for free. I occasionally buy it praying it will taste different, but to no avail. Red Bull has two things going for it: excellent variety and the greatest marketing team. However, my opinion on the taste spans across all the flavors I’ve tried. I know it’s a hot take but, hey, the crowd can’t be right about everything.
Prime (11th) – 16.67mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 2/10 Aftertaste: 6/10
Besides being sued for being downright dangerous for consumption, Prime is just bleh. I wouldn’t seek it out, but it’s acceptable when all else fails. With an impressive amount of caffeine for such a small can, the product’s sales ride further on marketing than the quality of the drink itself. I would caution drinking Prime on the basis of the PFAS chemicals lawsuit but, to that end, I would be a hypocrite. It gets the job done.
Original Monster (10th) – 10mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 5/10 Aftertaste: 6/10
Another marketing marvel, Monster in its raw form doesn’t measure up to many of the newer drinks on the market. There are variants (which will be addressed later), however, the original drink can be almost painful to consume. Much like its major competitor Red Bull, it smells like gasoline — however, it surpasses its competitor in that it does not taste like gas as well.
Rockstar (9th) – 10mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 6/10 Aftertaste: 5/10
Rockstar, the last of what one might say are the “OG” energy drinks along with Red Bull and Monster, achieves what the others couldn’t: simply being mid. I had my first Rockstar when I got a can at the campus store, where it generally has one or two racks next to the sodas, and I was surprised by how intense it tasted. Despite its intensity and campus availability, I honestly forget the drink exists. The tangy aftertaste makes me almost nervous to take another sip as if I think I’ll get shocked, but I get why people like it. Rockstar is to the following drinks as seltzer water is to normal water.
C4 (8th) – 12.5mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 6.5/10 Aftertaste: 6/10
DO NOT CHUG C4!!! I did this once and thought I was going to die! Drinks that are made by supplement companies are mostly not on this list, but C4 has weaseled its way onto the market and into most gas stations. This drink scares me. The feeling of drinking a C4 is much like the sound an F1 car makes on the track, and my experiences with the drink are not reflected by its caffeine concentration, which is comparably not extreme.
Bang (7th) – 18.75mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 6/10 Aftertaste: 5/10
My note for this drink simply reads “hospital” and, yeah, that about sums it up. It may not taste as good as C4, but, wow, the caffeine concentration is intense. The carbonation is also not extreme, so it’s very easy to chug a Bang and not realize how much caffeine you’ve taken until it’s too late. Bang is incredibly sweet, and I think the brand is missing the perfect marketing opportunities to launch “Boom” and “Kapow” spinoff drinks. This was my first energy drink after Red Bull (two big extremes) and seems to be a fan favorite for the gym in my experience.
Ghost (6th) – 12.5mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 8/10 Aftertaste: 5/10
On my mother, everyone is sleeping on Ghost. It tastes exactly like whatever flavor is on the label, packs a punch and has crossovers with Swedish Fish and Sour Patch Kids. It is a bit excessively sweet and has an odd aftertaste, but if you’ve never tried one, it’s worth a shot.
Nos (5th) – 12.5mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 7/10 Aftertaste: 9/10
Okay, this one’s weird. I’dd never had it before testing for this article, but it is a good mix of powerful, sweet and tangy. It seems to be everywhere, but blends in at the same time (I’m not sure if it’s available at Wawa). While the taste is not amazing, my reaction to drinking Nos was to drink some more. It’s almost addictive. I would definitely recommend it, and was quite impressed.
Celsius (4th) – 12.5mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 8.5/10 Aftertaste: 7/10
I have little to say beyond that this is the gold standard. We all know what it is, what it tastes like, where to get it and what our favorite flavors are. Extra points for being sold on campus!
Honorable Mention: Monster Variants Taste: 9/10 Aftertaste: 10/10
Okay, I have to pause and give an honorable mention here to the variants of Monster. Some of the different types (especially Zero Ultra) are legendary energy drinks that cannot be rightfully compared to the original. No, I will not do the same for the Red Bull variants — they don’t deserve my praise.
Zoa (3rd) – 13.33mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 9/10 Aftertaste: 10/10
Zoa is the “new kid on the block,” and will be found in some stores, but not all. If you told me this was a regular soda, I’d believe you, and to that end, I would recommend this for anyone simply looking for a “healthy” energy drink (should such a thing exist). Similar to Nos, this was my first time tasting it, and I was impressed.
Alani (2nd) – 16.67mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 8.5/10 Aftertaste: 9/10
Alani is summer in a can, and another drink I often see in the gym. Alani is crisp without being overly intense, and it would do numbers if it were sold on campus. Many drinks on this list taste similar or at least reflective of each other, but Alani stands apart as unique and delicious. The only criticism I could proffer is sweetness, but that only applies to some of the flavors.
Reign (1st) – 18.75mg Caffeine/fl. Oz. Taste: 10/10 Aftertaste: 10/10
I first had a Reign about a week before writing this article, and I’ve had four more since then. I cannot state enough how unparalleled this is; it has become my go-to energy drink. Tied for the highest caffeine concentration on my list, Reign is a drink I keep wanting more of. If you’re not getting a kick out of energy drinks anymore, I would suggest either seeing a doctor or trying Reign.
