Lana Altunashvili ’27 is a prospective international relations major. She is a James Monroe Scholar and a member of Club Tennis. Contact her at laltunashvili@wm.edu.
The views expressed in the article are the author’s own.
Would you like to experience the lifestyle others live? Visit various places that you have yet to see? Explore other parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed? Such are the promises we often make to ourselves when thinking of studying abroad. I suppose the idea is so romanticized that we hardly ever think about the hard parts of moving away. Whether going for only a semester or moving forever, the same rose-tinted glasses are worn by everyone about to step into a new life. Somehow, the grass always seems greener on the other side. But having now lived in three countries, studying abroad has made me realize that unbeknownst to us, places, even those that we are anxious to leave behind, often become something we cannot wait to come back to.
Having looked forward to this semester, I thought once I got here, everything would right itself. For some reason it seemed to me that my problems were tied to a place and not to myself as a person. A change of scenery, a change of subjects, a change of language … it made sense to me that these things would bring with them some clarity as to what I was doing with my life. I would work on my language skills, immerse myself in a different culture, I would visit new countries on my list, I would be living in a city once again … it was almost as if I tried to will things to be right upon coming to study elsewhere for a semester. My struggles with what I was doing, the career I was pursuing, the way I think about my life, relationships, myself — it had to be because I was in the wrong place, right? Everything would be different somewhere else.
The reality of bringing myself with me wherever I go couldn’t have hit harder. The fact that now I was away from the campus where I’ve lived for two and a half years, that I was now doing a long distance relationship, that I wouldn’t see my friends who are about to graduate this year … The first few weeks brought with them many sobering thoughts that, stupidly enough, I hadn’t considered in the anticipation of the next few months. Why did I feel the same? Why did I still doubt my choices? The clarity I was waiting for the entirety of last semester continued to evade me in the few weeks after my plane landed. Where were the answers I was so intently looking for?
I suppose I’d be lying if I didn’t say the sun coming out for the first time in weeks didn’t change the way I looked at things. You’d be surprised just how much the weather can affect your mood. But putting that aside, being abroad and living in yet another country has made me realize that home can be made in the most unexpected places. And perhaps more importantly, that we appreciate just how good of a home we have made in those places only once we leave them behind. This is different from saying ‘the grass is always greener,’ though, because after the initial shock of my problems not being magically fixed by being somewhere else, I’ve started enjoying my new life. Walking down the streets I can now navigate, recognizing people that work in the stores by my house on my way to university, ordering things in a different language that I lack fluency in; going to other cities now brings excitement, both to go somewhere else, but also to come back to this new home I’ve made for myself.
I don’t see many people saying this, but studying abroad can be hard. Just like moving countries forever. Part of me thinks myself foolish for expecting problems to disappear in the blink of an eye, for thinking I wouldn’t miss the familiarity of the College of William and Mary campus… for thinking the College hadn’t already grown on me as much as my old home had. But I also know that once I leave this place, I will miss it, too. So every day, despite missing my friends, my boyfriend and my second home, at least once a day I think to myself, “I can’t believe I’m actually here.” Your problems may follow you wherever you go, and things may not magically change when you move away, study abroad, graduate or get into that school you really dreamt about … but you learn to deal with them, bit by bit. The fact that I’m studying abroad at all, that I’m speaking a different language every single day, improving without even noticing it — somehow, the problems that once seemed so daunting now feel like things I can deal with. My roommate this semester told me a phrase: “Wherever you go, there you are.” It simply means you can’t run from yourself or your problems, that changing your address won’t make everything right. But realizing this gets you closer to actually facing what you once thought was insurmountable and enjoying your whereabouts more than ever before. So that’s the phrase I leave you with, too, in hopes that it helps you live life a little more fully. Because truly, wherever you go, there you are.
