Home Blog Page 415

Women attack Longwood, go to 1-1

In their home opener yesterday, women’s lacrosse smashed through in-state rival Longwood University 24-6. However, the Tribe opened the season battling both a heavy downpour and a powerhouse Duke University squad over the weekend. In the end, it wasn’t only the elements that got the best of the College, as second-ranked Duke rolled over the College for a 15-3 victory.
The Tribe was in trouble from the start, as Duke charged out the gate with a quick goal. Before the College could catch their breath, the Blue Devils continued their scoring onslaught, leading 5-0 just ten minutes into the game.

p. The College settled down over the rest of the half, attacking Duke despite the rough weather conditions, which led to both teams combining for 28 first-half turnovers. The Tribe mounted scoring chances against the staunch Blue Devil defense as senior Kara Parker and junior Jamie Sellers each managed shots on goal, but nothing went in after Parker’s shots were turned away by the Duke keeper and Sellers’ attempt ricocheted off the crossbar.

p. On the defensive end, the Tribe played the remainder of the half with increasing confidence as freshman goalie Sara Beckstead recorded six saves and senior Kristen Wong forced three turnovers. The Tribe held Duke scoreless for over ten minutes, but the Blue Devils broke through twice more before the half and took a 7-0 advantage into the break.

p. “It would’ve been a very different game had it not been raining,” freshman Katie Rees said. “It was a very competitive game, as Duke is a great team, but the scoreboard did not accurately reflect our performance.”

p. Rees made her presence known in her debut for the College, causing a turnover and picking up three ground balls.

p. The Tribe’s solid late first-half play couldn’t carry over into the second half as Duke needed less than 30 seconds to score and extend their lead to eight after the second stanza opened. The score was 9-0 when Sellers finally put the Tribe on the board. Parker scored with 18 minutes, 36 seconds remaining and senior Emily Vitrano added the Tribe’s third and final goal in the last two minutes of the game.

p. Beckstead recorded a game-high 11 saves for the College and Wong earned a game-high eight ground balls to go with four caused turnovers.

p. The Tribe is scheduled to host the University of Richmond Sunday at 1 p.m. at Albert-Daly Field.

Sports in brief

**Women’s Basketball”

p. The Tribe closed off the season with a 75-53 win over Virginia Commonwealth University last night, moving the College’s record to 18-11 overall and 10-8 in the CAA. The teams were tied for fifth place in the league going into the contest. This is the first season in program history for the women to achieve double digit conference wins in back-to-back seasons and the first time since the 1970s to achieve consecutive winning seasons.VCU won its last match-up with the Tribe 68-54 Feb. 15.

**Track and Field**
p. USA Track and Field announced Wednesday that women’s track and field Head Coach Kathy Newberry has been selected to the 2007 Team USA World Cross Country squad. The 8-kilometer race will be run March 24 in Mombasa, Kenya and is part of the 35th annual IAAF World Cross Country Championships. Newberry has been the women’s head coach since March 2005. She won two CAA titles for the Tribe between 1996 and 2000 and qualified for the 2004 Olympic Trials in the 5,000-meter and 10,000-m. In 2004 she was ranked 10th nationally in the 10,000-m.

7th Grade laughs you to death

7th Grade Sketch Comedy puts on unique performances. The group’s shows are stories; recurring characters walk in and out of sketches, revealing different facets of their personalities in every new situation. While the troupe thrives on absurd humor and stretching the boundaries of reality and taste, its shows are grounded by the fact that we get to know all of the ridiculous players.

p. We tend to believe more readily in a character we’ve seen before than in one who has been thrown on the stage to make one joke, never to be seen again. The interconnectedness of the group’s sketches always leaves the audience feeling satisfied at the end of the show. While there are great individual performances, the troupe’s shows work as excellent ensemble pieces.

p. 7th Grade’s most recent production, entitled “7th Grade Loves You to Death,” is set in a small town in Iowa. A group of characters have gathered to celebrate the commemoration of the town’s bell.

p. After preliminary sketches introducing all of the individual personalities, the plot evolves into a whodunit. Characters are murdered as the show progresses; while many sketches that don’t revolve around this murder mystery at all are thrown in at random, including a hilarious mixed-up call to a sex hotline.

p. An hour of fresh and funny material is a very difficult feat to pull off (MADtv has been unsuccessfully attempting to do it for years). 7th Grade succeeds. The first few sketches of the production dragged a bit, making the viewer wonder if this performance would be on par with past ones. The actors, however, eventually rose to the occasion, delivering clever sketch after clever sketch, all coalescing into a sidesplitting performance that made the false start a distant memory.

p. The show was very similar in style to a Robert Altman film — quick and funny dialogue uttered by absurd characters, irrespective of a definitive plot. It is the audience’s privilege to see how these familiar faces respond to the diverse environments in which they are placed.

p. Particularly memorable characters were a foreign mystery writer, a local radio DJ sporting an afro, a baby-turned-police officer and a driving test robot.

p. 7th Grade loves to exaggerate things, be it an absurd personality trait or offensive and vulgar dialogue. The troupe likes to shock the audience. Expletives flow freely, no topic is out of bounds and the tension can be cut with a knife when a particularly sensitive subject is broached. Sometimes this type of humor can ring hollow — like an early sketch about chlamydia that is more disgusting than funny — but, more often than not, the effect is rapturous laughter.

p. The writing throughout this latest show is superb and ingenious. Who knows how they thought up this stuff? The costumes alone provoke laughter (especially that of the FBI agent), injecting little mannerisms into the characters and making them that much funnier.

p. 7th Grade has done it again. Somehow the group continues to come up with creative new material that eclipses even any production of the regular mass media. They’ve mixed up the formula a little bit this time, leaving out the pre-taped video segments, but the show is better for it. Those taped bits had always interrupted the flow of past productions. The live act is much more powerful and entertaining. 7th Grade has produced something brilliant: a memorable performance that lives up to the high expectations associated with this talented group.

High expectations hurt ‘Neon Bible’

When a friend of mine told me he was getting tickets to see The Arcade Fire live and asked if I wanted to go, I hadn’t even heard of the band, but a $12 ticket to my favorite small concert venue (D.C.’s 9:30 Club) seemed like a reasonable investment. That was January 2005. That was before many of us had ever heard what is arguably the most important indie rock album of the 2000s, the band’s near-perfect 2004 rookie release “Funeral.” This February, in preparation for the March 6th release of the band’s highly anticipated second full-length album, “Neon Bible,” The Arcade Fire played a week of shows at a small church in New York City. The ticket price this time around? Craigslist found bids for over $2000. Some even offered sex for a chance at a ticket (true story). It seems we’ve come a long way.

“Funeral” is the album of a generation. Its themes, images and laments cry out from a world of regret, remorse and, most of all, fear. The deaths of a few family members and close friends during the making of the album led to apocalyptic songs about death that, when coupled with the band’s unique mix of orchestrated instrumental chaos and discord, were wholly engaging, enthralling and amazingly powerful. The raw emotion on the album, as expressed through the poetic phrasings of singers Win Butler and Regine Chassagne, strike a chord in a society wrought with war, terror and pain.

p. On “In the Backseat,” Chassagne sings of having to grow up faster than she wanted to after deaths in her family. In “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels),” Butler sings, “But sometimes, we remember our bedrooms / And our parents’ bedrooms / And the bedrooms of our friends / And then we think of our parents / Well what ever happened to them?” as if longing to be a kid again, wondering how life came so far from the home of childhood.
The album’s overarching themes and the depth with which the band depicted them musically and lyrically have made the album more than just an album. The weight it carries comes not only from the immense talent and poise of the band, but also because of when the record came out: a time when so much music seemed — for lack of a better word — unimportant.

p. Now — I’ve spent almost 400 words giving the back-story on how a little indie band from Montreal went from being a group of nobodies to the greatest band alive (to some) in a matter of months as a segue into my review of the band’s uber-anticipated follow up, “Neon Bible,” because the insanely high bar the band has set for itself is paramount in the success (or lack thereof) of its new album to fans and critics alike. Let me start off by saying that, were “Neon Bible” to be released by any other band on the planet, it would be looked at as nothing less than spectacular. But, since The Arcade Fire recorded it, the reaction will be slightly different.
Don’t get me wrong — “Neon Bible” is a great album. Some of its songs are, in many ways, better than the songs on “Funeral.”

p. “Intervention” features vivid lyrics about a town going to war and the strife it brings, set against a layering of strings, guitars and the pipe organ of the church in which the album was recorded. While “Funeral” portrayed themes of missing childhood and growing up abruptly, “Neon Bible” features Butler singing, “I don’t want to live in my father’s house no more” on “Windowsill,” showing the band’s maturity beyond wanting hide from the horrors of the world. The band is confident, ready to take a stand and fight for what it believes. The Arcade Fire has reached that moment in adolescence when one realizes that one’s parents aren’t always right. The band is moving forward in both its lyrics and its more exploratory orchestration (one song features a horn section recorded from 200 feet away inside the church, creating some unique reverb).

p. However, a collection of great songs doesn’t necessarily make a great album — coherence is key. “Funeral” is a cohesive unit from start to finish, taking listeners on a 47-minute ride through every emotion. The album starts with “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)” about the fear of losing home and lands on “In the Backseat,” where Chassagne proclaims, “Alice died / In the night / I’ve been learning to drive / My whole life / I’ve been learning,” as if saying that life is hard and we are thrust into difficult situations, but that we can and are meant to push forward. “Neon Bible” lacks that coherence, and that is what keeps it from being an amazing album. The songs are just as good, but “Neon Bible” won’t capture a nation of listeners the way “Funeral” did.

p. Offhand, I asked the same friend who was so gung-ho about getting the tickets to see The Arcade Fire so early on what he thought of “Neon Bible.” His response? “I don’t know, I haven’t really listened to it that much.” This is perhaps the most anticipated record of the year, and one of the band’s biggest fans hasn’t “really listened to it that much.” This an example of a five-star album that is, in some ways, forgettable. The songs are amazing, but how can a band live up to the hype created by releasing what many consider the best album of the ’00s? Nearly impossible. This is still a great and powerful album, so I wouldn’t call it a sophomore slump. I’d just rather listen to “Funeral.”

__Five Stars__

Ill-focused award show does more to promote political agenda than it does to entertain its viewers

I’m sick of the Oscars. They’ve come to epitomize everything I hate about Hollywood. Sure, I enjoy a good flick as much as the next moviegoer, but I would just like to say that the golden age of Hollywood is gone. I miss the innocence, patriotism and comparatively humble jocularity of old-time Hollywood. In its stead, we have now a mass of narcissistic elites who possess an inflated sense of self-importance, an impressive dose of hypocrisy and who often fail even to entertain us.

p. Let’s explore why the Oscars offer a microcosmic illustration of all that has contributed to my disaffection with the industry.
On a superficial level, this event has become over-hyped and dull. My high hopes for Ellen DeGeneres quickly plummeted as she meandered unimpressively through the show. She had great delivery, but her material simply wasn’t clever or amusing. Though it’s the host’s job to weave the event into a tapestry of wit, humor, and celebration, she should not have to bear the burden of this year’s underwhelming program alone. I asked my friend how she’d describe the 79th Annual Academy Awards, and she said, “They were just — well, they were ‘blah.’” They were too “blah” and too unimportant to go so far over schedule.

p. What was with the shadow people? Perhaps making up for the chuckles not afforded by Ellen, these shadow-playing interpretive dancers were more comedic than impressive. Similarly bizarre were the people modeling the outfits for ‘Best Costume.’ They displayed the clothes that earned the films their nominations and moved mechanically back and forth like electric mannequins. And the sound effects chorus? Interesting, sure, but these cheap, sideshow exhibitions did not seem appropriate at a function like the Academy Awards. I’m not sure if they were trying too hard, or just not trying at all.

p. It could also be that I’m just sick of seeing the same faces over and over again and have stopped caring who’s going to walk away with that golden statuette in his/her hot little hands. Plus, I’ve come to see that it’s all politics anyway. By the way, if in his affectation, Jack Nicholson wears those obnoxious sunglasses next year (which he will), I think I might scream. Why can’t we get more fresh faces? Jennifer Hudson’s “Best Supporting Actress” win definitely offered a rare, but amazing, breath of fresh air.

p. On the other hand, may I blasphemously assert that Dame Judi Dench would be nominated for any semi-serious role she deigned to accept? (Please tell me why entertainers are knighted. It’s the most ridiculous thing in the world. What parody.) The awards vacillate between extreme predictability and extreme lunacy — sometimes sharing both at once. I loved “The Departed,” but was totally shocked when I found out that Mark Wahlberg had been nominated for perhaps the only weak link in a fantastic cat-and-mouse story.

p. His character (or caricature) was goofy, shallow and unimpressive. And Meryl Streep again? For “The Devil Wears Prada”? I don’t think so. Sure, she’s a great actress, but come on now — nothing about that film (except the costumes) was Oscar-worthy. The Academy is willing to stretch for stars that it favors, but will tenaciously ignore other talented performers (Richard Burton, anyone?) — this smacks of Mafioso-type corruption.

p. Finally, I’ll jump for joy the day the stage of the Kodak Theater ceases to be a political platform. I’m not going to grace the Michael Moore incident with a comment of irritation, but let’s keep that in the back of our minds. Hollywood has long played whore to the Far Left, assuming a patronizing superiority to which it has no claim. They’re talkative, but they’re not politicians, and their opinions shouldn’t be given more credence than anyone else’s. But alas, they cling tightly to their face-time monopoly and milk it for all it’s worth.

p. Which brings me to Al Gore and the sickening display of subservient reverence that was the Oscars. Leonardo DiCaprio, Melissa Ethridge and various other minions would have me believe both that the world will end if I don’t take the bus and that Al Gore is some sort of saint. I buy neither, but the justification of said opinion would require another article. Rather, let’s take a peek into those shamelessly expensive goodie bags the Academy hands out at the event — you know, the ones that got the Academy and its patrons in trouble with the IRS for the goodie bags’ $100,000 contents.

p. This year, to escape tax problems, the goodie bags were filled with a different gift; every goodie bag contained a gift certificate for 100,000 lbs of greenhouse gas carbon offsets from TerraPass. What does this mean? Well, for all of their high rhetoric and self-righteous fatalism, these fat cats refuse to cut back on their greenhouse gluttony. Basically, they (Mr. Gore included) purchase the right to make use of the energy which other people have sacrificed. So Mr. Gore gets to keep his private plane, four homes, limousines, and other such luxuries.

p. We should never forget that, when it comes down to it, Hollywood is just a bunch of people pretending. For great good or great evil, it’s as simple as that.

The Oscars provided little guesswork or competition, but these categories are always fun to see who wins

The Academy Awards is the biggest night in Hollywood — a night when the most talented stars gather to reward the best performances of the year. In the past, there have been huge upsets, inspiring speeches and an overall spectacle for the viewing audience. However, the awards this year left much to be desired. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good; it was simply forgettable. The show’s host, Ellen Degeneres, was funny, but nothing to praise. The winners were all predictable and the span of four hours pretty much put the nail in the coffin.

p. Thing is, 2006 was a great year for cinema. With movies such as “The Departed,” “Little Miss Sunshine” and “An Inconvenient Truth,” the year has definitely left audiences satisfied. Maybe that’s the tradeoff. When movies and performances are this good, there are often clear winners when award season comes around. Nobody questions that the winners deserve the awards, but it’s boring to watch.

p. All the big awards were pretty much set. It was no surprise that the Best Actor award went to Forest Whitaker for his thrilling performance as Idi Amin in “The Last King of Scotland” and the Best Actress award went to Hellen Mirren for her performance as Queen Elizabeth II in “The Queen.” Both actors won every award at the prior shows, such as the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild Awards. They knew they were going to win and didn’t hesitate to show it. Both accepted their awards with a clearly prepared speech and moved through the typical motions. The only award that seemed even somewhat undecided was the biggest of the night — Best Picture. Still, I don’t think anyone fell out of their seats when “The Departed” won.

p. Since the Oscars were so predictable, I thought I would provide The Flat Hat readers with a list of my own awards for the night:
The Most Lifeless Acceptance Speech definitely goes to Martin Scorsese. After decades of walking away empty-handed, the six-time nominee finally won the coveted Oscar for Best Director — and yet it somehow seemed completely anti-climactic. He knew he was going to win and so did everyone else. During the pre-show, when the stars were asked why they were attending this year’s Oscars, many of them plainly stated, “I want to see Martin Scorsese’s win.” After his name was called, he made a quick joke that they should check the envelope just to make sure, but overall, the moment was entirely forgettable.

p. The Most Undeserved Oscar goes to American Idol reject Jennifer Hudson for her Best Supporting Actress win for her performance in “Dreamgirls.” Though the Oscars are meant to award the best performance of the year, in reality they award an actor’s body of work, rather than a single performance. An actor may have the year’s best performance, but the academy voters typically award those who are consistent, which is why the award is such an honor. The Oscar loses its prestige when it is awarded to an actress who has been in exactly one film.

p. The Best Joke of the Night goes to presenter Robert Downey Jr. While presenting the award for best visual effects, he made a hilarious reference to his past drug use, stating, “Visual effects: They enable us to see aliens, experience other universes, move in slow motion or watch spiders climbing high above the city landscape. For me, just a typical weeknight in the mid ’90s.”

p. Finally, the award for Best Appearance of the Night goes to former Vice President Al Gore. He pretty much knocked it out of the park. His film, “An Inconvenient Truth,” won the award for Best Documentary Film, and his acceptance speech received a standing ovation from the crowd. While presenting, Leonardo DiCaprio urged him to make a certain “announcement,” and he jokingly responded, “Even though I honestly did not plan on doing this, I guess with a billion people watching it’s as good a time as any.” He was praised throughout the night for his work to save the environment, clearly holding enormous support from the Hollywood community.

p. While the night had its moments, it’s not one that people will still be talking about next year. A mix of forgettable jokes and predictable winners led to bored viewers. It failed to live up to the glamour and entertainment that most of us expect from Hollywood.

Long night, long weekend, short films

Temporarily losing the script may not have been such a bad thing for the winning team of the 24 Speed film competition.

p. “Forget the script. We don’t even need it,” said junior Syreeta Mack — director of the mockumentary film “Citizens Arrest,” which won both the audience and jury awards. After shooting one of the first scenes, an actor had walked off, forgetting that the script was in his pocket. By the time they got it back, the team realized they were better off improvising.

p. “It would take away from the fact that it was supposed to feel natural,” Mack said.

p. This was the beginning of “A Long Weekend of Short Filmmaking,” the slogan of this year’s student film festival. It kicked off Thursday, Feb. 23 with the start of the 24 Speed competition, where eight teams — twice as many as last year — completed films in one day or less to be judged two hours after the deadline at a Feb. 24 screening.

p. The following day, film director Paul Harrill spoke with students and community members about directing independent films. Following the talk, two of his films screened at the Kimball Theatre. The first film, “Gina, an Actress, Age 29,” won the 2001 Sundance Film Festival Jury Prize in Short Filmmaking.

p. The events concluded Saturday night with the “Cans Film Festival,” where 10 student films screened in Tucker Theater. Three prizes were awarded. “People,” directed by Pooya Jahanshahi from the University of Virginia, took the first place prize of $200. It was followed by “The Language of Loss,” directed by Paul Robertson from James Madison University, which took the second place prize of $150. “Treatment,” directed by College junior Peter Hershey, took the third place prize of $75.

p. The prize money was donated to “Cans” by the College’s film studies department.

p. “Definitely William and Mary is blazing the path,” senior Zach Keifer said.

p. Keifer ran “Cans” this year and three years ago co-founded the 24 Speed contest.

p. “People will see this film festival and they will hopefully try to recreate it next year,” he said. “Somewhere down the line people got to say, ‘You know, this is something valuable and we want to carry on.”

p. When Keifer decided to help out with “Cans,” he was quickly handed the reins, as leadership issues last year caused the festival to “fall apart,” according to Keifer.

p. “It was only like a three-hour screening on a Wednesday evening or something, and nobody showed up to it,” he said. “At the beginning of this year I sought out the Cans people and told them I wanted to join and help make it better.”

p. The increased number of teams entered in the 24 Speed competition this year was a result of both increasing interest and more equipment. The Swem Media Center now has nine editing studios, along with cameras, microphones and lighting kits available for check-out. Media Center Director Troy Davis hopes to expand students’ access to professional-quality tools by diversifying the equipment and eventually by providing students with grants to fund larger projects.

p. But he said the Media Center, which is currently supported primarily by private money, would need a stable funding source.

p. “Part of my job, I feel, is to expose students to … the whole process of constructing messages using emerging and new technologies,” he said.

p. Davis worked closely with Keifer to plan the festival, and he coordinated the use of equipment and studios for the 24 Speed competition.

p. The 24 Speed films screened in McGlothlin-Street Hall to a packed crowd of over 200 people, many having to stand in the aisles.

p. Harrill — who once turned down the opportunity to direct a big-budget film and now acts as a voice for “self-reliant” filmmaking — praised the turnout.

p. “Not everyone in that room had made a movie,” he said. “People were excited about what everyone else had done, and I think that kind of thing is really wonderful and contagious, too. It just spreads.”

p. He connected the rise in student filmmaking to the College’s growing Media Center and said that as people are exposed to more low-budget films, they will learn to appreciate stories told in experimental ways, outside the Hollywood formula.

p. Professor Sharon Zuber, who teaches a class on film production at the College, also credited the growing Media Center as the cause of the increased enthusiasm.

p. “It has shifted the center of gravity for filmmaking, I think, to kind of a central part of campus,” she said. “The students are getting really comfortable just getting a camera and going out.”

p. The 24 Speed Competition challenges team’s stamina and film making abilities. Each team toted around a camera all night. Some competitors faced difficulties — such as a camera running low on battery.

p. After writing the script, which they used only as a guide, Mack’s team set out for the Delis, where much of “Citizen’s Arrest” was shot. The main character, who takes matters into his own hands after he is rejected from joining the Honor Council, interacts with drunk, Deli-hopping students — many of whom were not acting.

p. Because the shots involved real-life situations, the camera battery was low and the Delis were soon to close, Mack’s team often got only a single take.

p. At one point, a Williamsburg cop car pulled up behind them. They stopped the officer and asked him if he would say a line, and he reluctantly agreed with the condition that he would say it one time.

p. “That was it,” Mack said. “The one shot that we got, we got it.”
The team finished shooting at 6 a.m., and they rested for an hour before starting post-production, a process that took until 5:30 p.m., with one short break for lunch.

p. Other teams found themselves in similar circumstances.

p. “I’m so looking forward to this — seeing this thing completed,” sophomore Mark Johnson, director of “Elevator Music,” said at 4:30 a.m. during a shoot. “I just need some caffeine.”

p. Editor’s Note: Austin Wright participated in the 24 Speed Competition.

Crim Dell: 43 years of tradition and history

The oriental bridge that overarches the waters of the Crim Dell is one of the College’s chief selling points when it comes to the beauty of the campus. Every tour guide takes their group of College hopefuls by it, perhaps mentioning the bogus Playboy ranking calling it the second most romantic spot on a college campus. Sure, it’s a tall tale, but it’s well-intentioned.

p. Ever since the current version of the bridge debuted in 1966 on the first-ever Parents’ Day (what we now “celebrate” as Family Weekend), the Crim Dell and its elegant bridge have been a highlight of what makes the College stand out.

p. The ornately arched bridge was an improvement upon a rustic, bare-wood predecessor. The old version jutted straight across the water with little fanfare ­— not even so much as a coat of paint.

p. According to Louise Kale, director of the historic campus at the College, the idea to build a new, more elaborate bridge was that of then-College President Davis Pascall, who served from 1960 to 1971.

p. “The idea of landscaping around the Crim Dell and building the new bridge was an initiative that President Pascall took during his tenure,” she said.

p. Counterproposals at the time suggested filling in the small lake, then called Lily Pond, and building a new library on the site. Pascall opposed this plan and was influential in the decision to build what would become Earl Gregg Swem Library on New Campus, rather than at the more central location.

p. Kale said the funding for the bridge and landscaping came from three different sources. “It was paid for through the 1964 senior class gift, a man named David Baer who was a loyal friend of the College and the family of John W. H. Crim,” she said.

p. Crim, a “distinguished alumnus” of the Class of 1901 according to a plaque on the bridge, was an influential attorney and a long-time benefactor of the College. While the bridge was a gift from the Class of 1964, the pond was renamed for Crim, his wife Amelia and daughter Barbara, all of whom “loved the College.”

p. The Crim Dell has always been a favored location on campus for students. Photos in the Swem Library Special Collections department show students clearing out brush and re-landscaping the area in the 1950s. Kale said she also has fond memories of the pond from her youth.

p. “In the winter time, when I was a little girl, the pond used to get frozen hard enough that we could ice skate on it,” she said.

p. Ice skating and swimming in the Crim Dell are now banned, but that doesn’t keep the pond from becoming an integral part of the William and Mary experience. Current students know that tradition stipulates that they take at least one dip into the murky waters of the Dell — in addition to jumping the wall of the Governor’s Mansion and streaking the Sunken Garden — in order to complete the fabled Triathlon before graduating.

p. One can certainly not forget the romantic power of the bridge itself. If two lovebirds pass over the bridge, sharing a kiss in the center, they are fated to be together forever — unless, of course, the relationship sours, in which case the gentleman must be pushed off the bridge by his former sweetheart. Conversely, if an unfortunate soul were to pass over the bridge alone, he or she would be destined for loneliness.

p. Regardless of the romantic superstitions surrounding the bridge, the fact remains that Pascall’s vision of the Crim Dell as a campus focal point remains reality today. Upon the completion of the Dell’s overhaul, Pascall remarked, “Here one may walk in beauty, discover the serenity of the quiet moment and dispel the shadows.”

Three-legged Chihuahuas are this year’s new wedding accessory

Dear readers, surely you must get tired of hearing the same old “Tribe this,” “College that,” “I carry a lot of irrational rage” week in and week out. You live in Williamsburg, you attend the College — why would you ever rely on my skewed appraisals as a source of information about your college life? It’s just silly.

p. So, this week, I will not make some punchy remark about the Wren cross or bestow upon you some witty interpretation of squirrel life. Nay, this week shall be the week that you become transported through the magic of words and learn about things the likes of which you may never see with your own eyes.

p. I am, of course, talking about our dear friends, the good folks down in the backwoods of Georgia. It seems a little cheap and easy to pick on rednecks sometimes. When someone like Jeff Foxworthy has been beating the crap out of that dead horse for the past decade, and you join in, people wonder about your motives, your intentions and your IQ.

p. The difference between Foxworthy and I, though (aside from the fact the he can grow a fabulous mustache … the bastard), is that he makes fun of your standard redneck — the abject poverty, the trailer parks, the rampant alcoholism … Basically, that asshat made his millions taunting the poor and the oppressed.

p. I, on the other hand, make fun of rich rednecks, and am therefore not a Foxworthy-level asshat (although there are many gradations of the asshat, and one can never entirely exclude oneself from the asshat scale). Rich rednecks are generally delightful people, and that’s kind of why it’s okay to make fun of them. They are happy and fulfilled — it just so happens that this fulfillment comes from owning a garage full of ATVs and guns.

p. My parents went to a wedding for some people like this over the weekend. The bride was late. When the bride is late to her own wedding, it’s usually an indication that this is going to be a ceremony full of exciting memories. When the bride is late to her own wedding because she is on a desperate hunt for a three-legged Chihuahua — who happens to be an integral part of the nuptial-taking — you know you should be writing it down and sharing it with the masses.

p. So, the bride arrives, 35 minutes behind schedule, leg-deficient Chihuahua triumphantly clutched in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She walks down the aisle, beaming, flushed, swathed in her virginal white gown … with her two children in tow.

p. The ceremony gets underway with few problems. The Chihuahua gets its act together (I’m pretty sure they threatened to throw it on the ceremonial barbecue pit) and the vows are exchanged.

p. And then the preacher, at the moment that he is announcing the new Mr. and Mrs. to the oohing crowd, completely forgets the couple’s name. This little “whoopsie” on the part of one of God’s workers here on Earth is not a good sign in the Bible Belt. Not only does it bode poorly for your marriage, but it also makes everyone attending feel pretty certain that you are going straight to Hell. Soon. It might as well have thundered overhead at the exact moment of the kiss.

p. Luckily for the happy couple, God was a little too busy to open up a gaping pit into the fires of damnation, so everyone just went to the reception (disappointed in the lack of smiting, I’m sure). The bride graciously made the picture circuit, taking the snapshot that cemented this experience in my mother’s mind forever: the bride, tater salad and cigarette in one hand, infant daughter in the other, dipping her blonde up-do under the brim of Uncle Bill’s camouflage-print ball cap and smiling like she just bagged a 12-point buck. You just can’t find that ’round these parts.

p. __Lauren Bell is a Confusion Corner columnist for The Flat Hat. Her Chihuahuas all have the requisite four legs.__

That Girl: Marissa Kennedy

Every one of us needs a friend who is invariably happy to see us, interested to know us and leaves us with a smile and warm fuzzies. Marissa Kennedy is just that girl—the one who will wink at you as she hands you a cup of coffee or flash a grin on the long haul to Morton. Forthcoming and cheerful, this week’s That Girl is a fixture not only at the Daily Grind and Christian Life Center, but also in the hearts of her many, many friends. Self-described as both “interesting” and “insane,” if you haven’t met her yet, you should — chances are she’s delighted to make your acquaintance. Here, Marissa talks about being Greek, bicycles and how to hold a “fredding.”

**What exactly is a “fredding”?**
This is so embarrassing. A friend of mine and I decided that we wanted to be friends for life. So people decide, if they’re romantically involved, they decide that they’re going to get married and be together forever. So we decided to celebrate our friendship by having a fredding.

p. What’s funny about it is that my friend counterpart didn’t show up because he had a meeting that he had forgotten about. So we had a stand-in. It was so perfect. We had an accordion player, a violin player, tiki torches. It was held on the Crim Dell bridge. We both bought these red Hugh Hefner robes. It was an experience. The people who came to it were amazed and confused and bewildered. They were mostly people who knew how ridiculous we were.

p. **Speaking of kilts — sort of — I hear you’re half Greek, half Irish?**
Yes, my life basically mirrors “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” I’m like that little girl right at the end, the half-and-half one.

p. I was a Greek folk dancer for seven-and-a-half-years in high school and middle school. I had pictures of me with full-blown costumes, coin necklaces — really good blackmail material for later on in life, with me in my social awkward phase, plus head wraps and all that. It was really good fun, and it was a good way for me to get in touch with my roots, so to speak. It sounds really cliched, but it was a good way to meet other people of my ethnic background. We don’t practice together anymore because everyone has jobs and is at college and stuff, so we just pull something together when we need to. But I still practice in my room in my shorts and my spandex.

p. **You rode your bike through Lodge 1?**
Oh yeah, I did. One day there was no room at that bike rack — there are never any spots out there and I always have to put my bike on top of another bike — so I decided, whatever, and I asked my friend to press the buttons for me to open the door, and I just rode through to check my mail. One of the ladies behind the counter said, “Watch out! She’s dangerous! She’s got a bicycle!”

p. And because I’m an idiot I took the elevator up to the third floor and rode around in circles. I went up to where they were setting up for Charter Day Gala. I rode my bike in there and said, “Oh, excuse me, I was looking for the James Room, I was at a cycling meeting.”

p. Someone official looking with a tie said, “Ma’am, please take the bike outside.” And I went from being really crazy to leaving all humbled with my tail between my legs, walking my bike outside. I have not made a return for fear of getting yelled at by that guy. He had a mustache, too — extra intimidating.

p. I wish I had a mustache, actually. It would be good for keeping my face warm in winter.

p. **I know what Wren 10 is, but what’s Wren 11?**
My sophomore year, me and five of my friends — I consider myself the founder — decided to put together a “mockappella” group, because half of us are bad at singing and half of us are good. So we decided to have a mockappella group where we sing what we want to sing, not really rehearse at all. We meet at the Wren Portico at 11 p.m. Wednesday nights (now more like 11:15 because it takes a while to get everyone together) and perform songs of our own desire.

p. For example, we sing the theme song from “Doug,” the Greek national anthem, “Don’t Go Chasin’ Waterfalls” (with a scat solo by yours truly) and “My Heart Will Go On”. We do an interpretive performance art version of the William and Mary Alma Mater. It’s a little scary. We do Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” We do a version of the “Circle of Life” which, I’m sorry to say it, is better than DoubleTake’s. We have more social interaction, we pretend to be animals and interact with the audience at various points, we have a true “Circle of Life” — you should come.

p. **What is Pump it Up!?**
That’s a campaign that we did last year that was started by John Bell. We were raising money to build a well in rural Malawi, in Africa. The Pump It Up! campaign had a deal with someone in the community that if we raised enough money for one well he would spot us for another. So we fundraised like crazy. We had a bake sale homecoming weekend last year. I just remember it as this big horrible blur. We didn’t finish baking until about 4 a.m., and then had to set up our stand at 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. I just went home and slept from there on out. When I woke up the next morning it was like “Where am I?”

p. **Do you know what you want to do next year?**
I might stay in the Williamsburg area because I’m really involved in the Christian Life Center and I’d like to stay in the area to attend that church. The other option is to go to China for a little bit, at least to do some language intensive program. That’s the scary option. I want to make a difference with what I do, I don’t want to sit in an office not doing anything. I just really want to help people and to love them.