Everyone’s a little bit bisexual, sometimes
November 30, 2007
p. To some people, bisexuality is an offensive concept; some see it as trying to have your cake and eat it, too.
p. It does open a veritable buffet of sexual possibilities, but bisexuality isn’t about being confused or indecisive about which sex to date. It’s more about being attracted to an individual, not necessarily their sexual organs.
p. Isn’t this a concept we apply to relationships all the time? Everyone wants to be liked for who they are rather than what they are; bisexuality exemplifies that philosophy. Whether you think you are or not, almost everyone’s a little bit bisexual.
p. Most people place themselves at one of the extremes of the Kinsey scale. However, in actuality, they probably fall somewhere in the middle. It’s completely normal for gay people to find the opposite gender sexually appealing. On the same token, straight people can find members of the same gender alluring.
p. This isn’t to say that everyone’s up for changing the scenery of their sexual orientation, but it’s something to think about. If you’re truly looking for love, maybe you shouldn’t write off half of the population. Just because if flows against social norms, or because you simply hadn’t considered it, doesn’t mean that a person of the same sex isn’t worthwhile. The love of your life — or the shag of your life — could be in the bathroom stall right beside you.
p. If you’re homophobic or heterophobic you may have already stopped reading. If you haven’t, you’re probably trying to convince yourself that you’re not in a gray area — that you’re one of the few purely straight or gay people in the world and proud of it. If you’re still repeating the names of all the people you’ve slept with just to reaffirm it, breathe easy. No one is saying that because you’re in college you must be sexually curious and live out every crazy experience possible. However, it might simply be that you haven’t found a person outside of your normal scope to whom you’re attracted.
p. Think about the feelings you get when you look at a totally hot girl or guy: nervous tingles, increased salivation or the size of your eyes. That chemistry occurs when you see someone you want. Have you ever had one of those “I think I might be gay” moments? It’s more than seeing a guy or girl and appreciating his or her attractiveness. It’s the same urge you get when you see any crush — this one simply happens to have different equipment.
p. If you’re still unsure whether you’re really releasing a little inner-bisexuality, that warm sensation right around the crotch region is a good indicator as well.
p. Whether you should reevaluate your sexuality depends on how you look at it. Some people think they are straight for a long time simply because they’ve convinced themselves of the “fact.” Then, when they meet a person that really does it for them, they suddenly “discover” that they’re actually gay.
p. Don’t worry about the label that comes with your decisions regarding sexual orientation or the actions you take while following those urges. It’s much simpler to admit to yourself that you know what personality or body type you’re looking for. Whoever fits the bill is yours for the night.
p. Once in the bedroom, it is time to stop thinking of your crush as just a great personality without regard for what’s downstairs. The type of equipment you’ve both got dictates the kind of fun you can have. For an initial bisexual experience, this will probably create the most anxiety. After all it’s like losing your virginity all over again.
p. Welcome that feeling of awkwardness with open arms. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that this is your first time with his or her gender, and that you might need a bit of coaching. Take some time to be creative. If you’re with the same sex, try out touching them the way you like being touched. If you’re going for the opposite sex for the first time, it’s a completely different adventure. Let your partner guide you; the sexual chemistry should take care of the rest.
p. It’s your choice as to whether or not you act on your impulse if and when you feel that chemistry. My advice is to go for it. However, it is important to remember there are the same sexual risks apply to sex. They might reject you — maybe because they aren’t comfortable with bisexuality, or they’re not that into you — but, if they seem to accept your advances, give yourself a hand. You’ve just left one end of the spectrum and have entered a wonderfully blurry gray land. You can to go back to where you came from, travel to the other side or just chill in limbo forever.
p. Emily Powell is the sex columnist for the Flat Hat. She has a girl-crush on Kate Prengaman.