It is with deep sadness and sexual frustration that I report that this is my last column of the semester. I have so many things left to say, so many closed doors yet to open. And with the summer fast approaching, there are so many more sexual topics that need to be discussed.
I guess I’ll have to settle for a few blurbs of columns to get you through the summer. With girls in sundresses and men running shirtless through the Sunken Garden, it’s hard not to have sex on the brain during these last couple weeks of the semester.
But many people will be leaving our fair Williamsburg in search of adventures in such fascinating places as Fairfax, Va. and Zzyzx, Nev. So, with the prospect of sexual partners from new and exotic locales, a few columns come to mind.
Reach Out and Touch Someone:
Mother Nature was on your side when she created oxytoxin. This peptide, which everyone has, makes it pleasurable to have your skin stroked and to stroke someone else’s. Luckily, in the summer there are tons of opportunities to raise oxytoxin levels.
Don’t hesitate to apply sunscreen to a stranger, lightly caress a woman’s bare back at a party while she’s in a halter top, or casually compliment a man about his rock-hard, summer-ready abs while slyly sneaking a feel. The more you touch, the more you want to be touched, and vice versa.
Summer Lovin’, Had Me … Chlamydia:
With all the possibilities for sexy one-night stands and random hook-ups you never got around to in high school, the chances of contracting a not-so-fun summer friend go up.
Remembering to stay safe in the summer doesn’t just include applying sunscreen and using the buddy system at the local pool. Condom use, birth control and all other manners of sexual safety are a must during those steamy summer nights.
This doesn’t have to be a drag; there are many ways to make your contraceptives more interesting. For example, you could put your emergency contraceptive pack up on the wall behind a glass case and write “Open in Case of Emergency” underneath it, or you could try the “Banana Split,” put a banana condom on your man, then use vanilla, chocolate and cherry lubes. Mmm … latex.
Summer of ’69:
The summer is a great time to let your inhibitions take a vacation. It’s warm enough for you and your partner to commune with nature in a whole new way. For extra fun, add a dash of exhibitionism. Be careful not to fall asleep outside though. No one wants sunburn on his or her undercarriage.
As for new sexual positions, Cosmo has an entire list designed especially for summer, including ladder lovin’, sexy sprinkler, hot-tub hug and the randy raft. Apparently alliteration is a must for good sex.
Many of these involve sex in water. This can be excellent: The added sensation of different temperatures on your skin can be very sexy. But, it’s important to remember to take precautions as well. Heavy thrusting of chlorinated or dirty water into that special place can cause internal damage.
Of course, these are just a few tips and ideas for the summer, and there are millions more out there. There are also ways to spice up
your love life without sex.
Intimacy comes naturally in the summer because we have fewer responsibilities and more time to relax and enjoy ourselves. Take a walk on the beach, lounge inside while watching a romantic comedy, sit on a porch swing with sweet tea at dusk, or stargaze on a blanket outside.
Whatever you do, enjoy yourself. Try not to miss Behind Closed Doors too much; there’s more sex where this came from. As for me, I’ll be staying in the ’Burg. Governor’s Palace by moonlight, anyone?
Maya Horowitz is the Flat Hat sex columnist. Her oxytoxin levels are rising already.