Behind Closed Doors: Triple X batteries sold separately

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April 22, 2010

6:41 PM

The other day I browsed through a sex toy magazine, since my sex life is a little slow moving these days and I have been looking for ways to spice things up. While looking at the packages with random rings and the lady lumps with brightly colored nipple coverings, it occurred to me that a lot more than sex can happen behind closed doors.

Sexual fantasies are created so you can enter your own imaginative realm of secretive pleasure. There are tons of websites, and even stores, you can visit to help enhance this creativity.

One of the more creative toys is a nipple sucker that arouse nipples the same way that licking them might do. There is always the classic dildo or vibrator, but there is also a stool-like prop, on which you place the magic stick that moves the dildo into different positions.

Speaking of rings: There are ways to get around paying shipping and handling for rings that can cost up to five dollars. How? By going to the local dollar store. I know it sounds sketchy, but if you visit the toy aisle you will find rubber rings with soft spiky tentacles that a dog would usually chew on. But don’t let that be a turn off. These rings fit perfectly around all types of phalluses.

Word of advice: Don’t leave these mini love machines sitting around the dorm room, chilling on your desk or on your roommate’s dresser, because that’s just wrong, uncouth and disgusting. Plus, you do not want them to attract attention, or worse, be discovered by your roomate. Try to be discrete, and when your roommate is gone, get your freak on in peace.

Now, when you are getting the real thing, sex toys can complement your style by turning up the heat. Come on, be creative, people. Nipple clamps increase visual arousal. It is risque and time saving, since you don’t have to waste energy taking them off like you do with clothing.

Strawberry nipple nibblers are another dual-purpose addition to your sex life. While working as an arousal balm, they also taste great, which means that both partners are pleased. The only downside is that these nibblers can cost up to $10. For the budget-friendly student, head over to your local grocery store and grab some strawberry syrup, which costs around two dollars. Place a few dollops on the nipples, and I’m sure this will make an awesome substitute for students looking to save on cash.

Whether alone or with a partner, consider investing in sex toys, even if that just means a trip to the grocery store. And remember: Batteries are sold separately.

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