Behind Closed Doors: Talk it out
October 4, 2010
Late one night, my friend and I began sharing stories of our sexual conquests. These included some great stories of hot, steamy moments and some not-so-great stories of awkward moments and horrible dates. We got on the topic of the ultimate in sexual faux pas: talking excessively during sex. We both agreed that a little bit of sexy talk is cute, and even a turn on. While making out hearing a few sexy words whispered into your ear definitely heightens the experience. However, this is not what I am talking about. I am referring to the awkward questions and full-on conversations that occur when trying to get your groove on.
This happens to both men and women; you are having sex, and you finally get in the rhythm. There may be a few grunts and moans when it happens. Your partner feels the need to say something, and unfortunately, it just comes out awkwardly. You might hear things such as, “Who does this belong to?” or “What’s my name?” The sexy moment just flew out the room. The thoughts are usually flying in my head: Did he really just say that? I hope that question was rhetorical. So, when I’m in the midst of steamy sex and I am asked the question “Who does this belong to?” I pause. If it is clear he expects an answer, or if he asks again, I calmly give him this answer: “Well, I believe it belongs to me. I came here with it, and I plan to leave with it also.” Questions like this totally ruin anything sensual, so I just finish off the night.
I believe it’s OK to ask your partner if it feels good because this gives you an opportunity to really show your partner how much you’re enjoying it or give them tips to improve. Again, it is a mood killer if you’re asking me every five seconds if it feels okay and you’re likely to hear that it feels the same as it did a minute ago. If your partner is not enjoying the sex you’re having then they should speak up; otherwise, don’t bother them.
The worst is when you get questions that make you think or questions that require more than a one-word answer. I have been asked, in the middle of sex, if he was one of the bigger men that I’ve had. Wow. That is a question I would not want to answer even if we weren’t having sex. Now, instead of focusing on the moment, I have to stop and compare you to all the other men I’ve slept with and give you a coherent answer. That is way too much work for a moment like that. Now is also not the time to ask me how my day has been, or what I’m doing after this.
For some people excessive talking works, it turns them on and keeps them there. But generally, it is just a plain distraction. It is hard to have an orgasm if you’re thinking of a way to respond to an outlandish question or comment. Good sex speaks for itself. There are so many non-verbal cues that indicate that the sex is amazing – or not so amazing. Moans and groans are both sexy and an effective way to show your enjoyment. The bedroom is like a movie theater — talking should be kept to a minimum.