Behind Closed Doors: Holidays are the time for giving and receiving

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November 30, 2010

12:43 AM

We are in the holiday season and spirits are high. We are less than three weeks away from winter break. And the age-old question on gift-giving still applies to your sex life: Are you a giver or a receiver? The past taboos on oral sex have been lifted, and oral sex is now part of a normal sex life. So, when you are with your partner are you more likely to give or to receive?

Oral sex is one of the most common forms of foreplay, and men and women alike enjoy receiving the extra attention from their partner. The most common problem associated with oral sex seems to be a lack of reciprocity. One partner usually ends up giving more than the other. This can happen for multiple reasons, even including something as simple as routine. If sex with your partner follows the same predictable process every time, then it is possible for one partner to be left out. One easy way to fix this is to change things up — move your foreplay to after-play or go to a different location. This might encourage the receiver to become a giver and vice versa. If you are feeling shafted of oral pleasure speak up and tell your partner. Implement a one-for-one plan — each time you give, you have to receive. That keeps everything even.

In some situations your partner may like to give more than receive, or receive more than give; it is all a matter of personal preference and communication. Communication is key. Ask your partner what he or she likes and how he or she likes it. Also, try experimenting on him or her to discover new interests. If neither of you are that skilled at oral loving try new things out on each other.

Fellas this is for you, too. I know it is common for a man to receive oral sex and not give it back, so stop being selfish and return the favor. Better yet, surprise your partner and go down under first. Instead of using the old, and often unappreciated, head nudge to get some loving, your partner will more likely reciprocate if you put out first.

For the ultimate in giving and receiving, there is the 69 position. If you like both to give and to receive then this is the position for you. It takes some extra room and smart positioning — the girl should be on top or both people should lay on their side — but once that is achieved, let the mutual oral loving begin. This position is the loophole to the giving and receiving dilemma. Both partners are actively engaged in the other’s pleasure. Volia — a gift for two.

Enjoy the holiday spirit and practice giving more gifts to your partner than you have before. Oral sex will lead to stronger connections and relationships between partners, and it is a great way to heat up any sex life. So, be a giver this holiday season — and Merry XXX-mas!

__Aishaah Reed is a Flat Hat sex columnist. Every Christmas she is excited to unwrap her presents, especially if they are of the opposite sex.__

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