Behind Closed Doors: Turning parts into a perfect whole
March 1, 2011
It seems obvious that the sexy part about sex is, well, the actual act. There are individual acts, however, which can make the whole package a lot sexier.
Fire and ice: All kinds of products make a buck by recognizing that changes in temperatures can make all the difference. Trojan makes fire and ice condoms and KY makes mine and yours lube. Both market the idea that while one by itself is good, a combination of the two is mindblowing. The temperature gradient doesn’t just apply to genitals, either. Hot breath on your partner’s ear or neck can send tingles down his or her spine. While dancing at my last date function, my date pulled an ice cube from my drink and let the cool water melt down my neck. I think I heard it sizzle.
Mirrors: the porn industry makes millions of dollars every year by appealing to the sense that is often ignored during sex: sight. Most of the time when we kiss, we close our eyes, considering it rude to stare. When we have sex, we do it with the lights off or dimmed. But what if we gave ourselves and our partners permission not only to touch our bodies, but to look at them, too? Imagine walking into dorm rooms with mirrored ceilings — OK, a girl can dream. At the very least, try hooking up on a chair in front of a full length the next time you’re looking to try something new. Enjoy the eye candy, and encourage your partner to do the same — art was meant to be admired. But don’t forget to rearrange the furniture, unless you want to explain it to your roommate.
Noise: There’s something encouraging about hearing your partner sigh, moan or scream as a result of one of your choice lovemaking maneuvers. Verbal feedback can be a good indicator that something you’re doing is pleasing for him or her. Secondly, it’s a way to stay connected with your partner in a way beyond moving your hips to the same tempo. With roommates and neighbors always close by, it can feel like we should hook up at a whisper level. But let’s be honest, you’re not stealthy. The creaking bedsprings may be louder than your whispering sighs, but your neighbors can still hear you. Go big or go home. A guttural scream can be just as sexy as a sultry whisper.
Restraint: Cuffs can be an interesting addition to a rowdy hook-up. Being forced to keep your hands to yourself can be immensely frustrating, making the release even more intense. Being the cuff-er comes with the pleasure of taking your time to enjoy your partner’s body at your leisure, as well as being able to watch his or her muscles tense underneath you. Beware: cuffs clank on the College’s metal bedframes, and forgetting to uncuff them from the bed will only increase the potential for awkward conversation with your roommate. Safety cuffs are also the best bet, as losing the key is embarrassing in a way I don’t even want to think about. If you’re into the idea of cuffs but not into the rings it leaves on your wrists, silk scarves are more alluring to the senses and provide a similar effect.
Talk: Getting the hang of dirty talk can be a little tricky initially. If it’s new to you, you don’t want to seem green. If you do happen to have a verbal gift, you don’t want to seem like you’re writing lines for lit-erotica on the side. The easiest way to start is to pretend like you are playing a game of madlibs. Insert the proper phrases here to tell your partner what you like. “I like it when you (action phrase) my (body part)”. If your pillow-pal responds accordingly, and you approve, feel free to give some positive reinforcement by telling him or her how great it feels. Hopefully, your partner will catch on, and respond with some sexy talk of his or her own. If not, don’t get discouraged. Maybe he or she doesn’t know how to tell you what they want, but still feel free to do so yourself. Lastly, try saying your partner’s name. It seems obvious that you’d be talking to him or her, since there probably aren’t any other people in the room, but using your partner’s name can add a surprising amount of emotional closeness that can sometimes get lost in all the pleasure-seeking of sex. Saying (read: sighing, moaning, screaming) your partner’s name right before or during orgasm can be emotional and gratifying for both partners. And there’s nothing sexier than that.