Behind Closed Doors: The truth about faking orgasms

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September 19, 2011

10:53 PM

Most guys I know will swear that they’ve never been with a girl who faked an orgasm. Most girls I know will swear that they don’t orgasm every time they have sex. A lot of girls I know are having sex with guys I know. So what gives?

The fact of the matter is, the male orgasm is pretty easy to understand, or at least to recognize. There’s generally a change in shape and size of the genitalia, which often comes bundled with the release of a white, sticky substance that acts as a handy notice that orgasm has occurred. The female orgasm is a little trickier. Sometimes it’s hard enough for a woman to recognize that she came, let alone to have her partner recognize it. What do we usually think of when we think of a woman orgasming? Screaming, panting, clenching muscles, and the ceasing of sexual activity. Women know this and are able to recreate these physical “symptoms” of orgasm, if you will, on command. Let’s see a man do that.

There’s an obvious point here: Women can pretend to orgasm, without actually having an orgasm. Assuming that women like to get sexual release, why would they engage in such a deceptive maneuver that generally ends the sexual encounter?

There are lots of possible reasons. Maybe the woman no longer feels like having sex. It’s a shame to say, but it’s true. The wrong sex with the wrong person at the wrong time can be boring. If the woman feels like her time is better spent elsewhere, she may fake the big “O” to have a convenient excuse to stop. The person and time could be right, but it could still be uncomfortable. The nature of sex involves creating friction. Friction can be a wonderful force of nature, but it can also create dryness and soreness in the direction of a woman’s nether regions. Again, pretending to orgasm can create an out that doesn’t involve telling a partner that the sex is unpleasant. Maybe the woman is looking out for her partner. I have been lucky enough to have partners that genuinely care about whether or not I get off and who try to stave off their own pleasure so that I can have my fair share. Sometimes, though, it’s very obvious to me that no matter how long the sex goes on, it’s just not going to happen. That doesn’t mean it isn’t enjoyable, but it can get frustrating or tiresome after too long. Instead of making the other person feel guilty, I may have tried to send the right signals to let my partner know that it was okay for him to succumb to his own physical desires, because mine had been met. Some people take it personally if their partner doesn’t come, seeing it as their own failure, when there’s a possibility that it simply doesn’t have anything to do with them. But knowing that your partner expects you to come can create pressure for you to do so, which in turn can keep you from it — leading to a potential fauxgasm.

I don’t recommend this course of action, because if your partner believes you are orgasming, it stands to reckon that he or she thinks you are being sexually fulfilled. But if you are indeed faking it, you’re really doing yourself a disservice by not allowing yourself to reach your sexual potential. But sometimes, the road of fake orgasms seems like the best one, and in that case, please fake it well. An obviously fake orgasm is awkward for everyone involved. In my most recent relationship, I fauxgasmed once, and only once, because it was obvious to my partner what I was doing, and he called my bluff. A real orgasm is better than a fake orgasm, but no orgasm at all is better than a bad rendition of one.

__Tyna is a Behind Closed Doors columnist and thinks that the road to fauxgasms should be the road less traveled.__

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