Behind Closed Doors: Keeping the sexual life fluid at all times of the month
October 3, 2011
Number one obstacle that keeps people from hooking up? Someone has their period. The way people talk about it, you’d think that it’s a blockage that keeps things from going places they would normally go. Come on, people. Mothers tell their daughters when their period comes for the first time that it’s a beautiful time in their life, and that it’s a symbol of potential life, which is supposedly a “wonderful thing.” At least, that’s what happens in Lifetime movies. I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that cramping and bleeding every month is the most beautiful thing, but I will say that it’s not some terrifying and scary problem that should keep hooking up from going down.
I do say this with some reservation. I understand that sometimes getting a visit from “Aunt Flo” causes you to feel that you are anything but sexy. But there’s a difference between deciding not to have sex because you feel bloated, tired and cranky and deciding not to have sex because you believe that period sex is gross or is going to freak out your partner. I’m not saying I went right into hooking up during my period, but now that I’ve done it and I realize that it doesn’t do any harm, you can bet I won’t go back to avoiding hooking up for two weeks out of each month just because I might start my period at any moment.
The first time I had sex on my period I was full of anxiety. I tried to convince my partner that periods are a gross thing that happened and he really didn’t want to have to deal with them. He worked equally as hard to convince me that it was really fine, and that if I had to deal with them every month they couldn’t be that bad.
And it’s not like he hasn’t seen the rest of me, and yes, thank you, he did have sex ed. and he knew what a period was. And so we down laid a towel, I made horrifically bad jokes to calm my nerves, and I tried to forget that any moment he was going to look down and see the mess. And you know what? The sex was really good. Like, really really good. It may not be your first thought, but that material you’re excreting is a pretty good lubricant. And “that time of the month” makes everything a little bit more sensitive, which means it is a terrible time to get a bikini wax, but an excellent time to hook up.
After all was said and done, I asked my partner how he felt about it. He was honest with me and told me that it was good, although it was a little more intense than he had expected. (He clearly didn’t listen when I compared my period to a scene out of Kill Bill.) That, however, did not stop us from trying again.
Encouragingly, even after such an experience, he still finds me sexually attractive. Now we have one less thing to keep us from getting it on. I fully promote squashing any anxieties you might have and trying it out, accepting that it has the potential to be awkward, but also that the rewards are truly great. What I do not, under any circumstances, promote, is just springing your menstrual cycle on some random, unsuspecting hookup. I have a friend who had the same girl start her period not once, not twice, but three separate times while they were hooking up. They were not serious, and he was not expecting it. Although apparently it was never that big of a deterrent if it happened three times. Regardless, I highly doubt that anyone would want to be forever known as “Period Girl”.
To recap: Do not feel like you have to limit any part of your sex life to two weeks a month because of a standing monthly appointment with your period. Do give your partner ample warning about the status of your menstrual cycle at that time. And if you want to hook up, do it. Period.
__Tyna is a Behind Closed Doors columnist and will not let any periods cramp her style.__