It’s the day after elections. Student Assembly campaign flyers fall from clipboards across campus, fluttering away in the still-too-cold-for-March-22 breeze. Who will emerge victorious? Walking across campus like they own the place because they now do (or at least they control student funding). Who will retreat into hiding — and by hiding I mean wearing a paper bag on their heads because it is impossible to hide on this campus — or change their profile pictures back and pretend like it all never happened? (“I ran for SA? Nah, that was just a thing I decided to do as a joke. See if I could win.”) Well you couldn’t, and now you will read our articles about the winners for the next year to see what they do with their newfound (albeit in actuality, very limited) power.
But as you re-watch YouTube campaign videos, reminiscing about the most stressful 11 days of your undergraduate career, don’t forget the good times. It wasn’t all in vain. Remember making sure you and your running mate were positioned in the most idyllic place on campus for your campaign photo? Remember commissioning anyone you consider a friend into appearing in your campaign videos? Remember asking them to make creative statuses, to tweet about you, to change their profile pictures and cover photos to your much more photogenic and school-spirited pictures? It really was all worth it, even if the enemy is now in charge. Enemy — I’m sorry, I mean “friend I have worked with in four different organizations together over the past three years.” We’re all friends here.
Speaking of friends — winners and losers alike — take a moment to thank yours on this day after the end of the world. Many people put themselves out there for you, laughing in your videos, taking pictures with whiteboard signs, and sending out annoying emails on your behalf. While we are on the subject, make sure you thank the individuals who endorsed you. No, I’m not just talking about the clubs or organizations who said you had their support. I’m talking about the individuals who felt they had enough influence over this 6,000 person campus to personally endorse a ticket. I [insert name] endorse [insert candidate] because I personally feel these platforms differ so drastically that if I don’t give out my personal stamp of approval, I will not be able to live with myself. Make sure you thank them; they really sacrificed themselves for you.
To the winners — that late night dining option, big time concert (but really, who are we kidding, you can never top the Dalai Lama) or other monumental change you promised during your campaign — now you have a year to make it happen. And if you don’t, I can promise you the rest of the school will notice. No pressure, right?
To the losers — your website modifications, equally useful dining option suggestions and equally impossible campaign promises will now only exist in the .org website you made over spring break outlining your platform. I’m sorry; that’s just the way the game is played. If you aren’t satisfied, you can always try to start a coup from within the student body, getting one organization on board at a time and eventually having an all-out war on the Sunken Garden. But that’s just a suggestion I plan on submitting to the new even-more-transparent SA that has just been elected.
Ellie Kaufman is a Confusion Corner columnist and won’t miss the barrage of election-related Facebook posts.