Welcoming Joe Jonas to campus with open arms

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Graphic by Maggie More / The Flat Hat

Spring is right around the corner, and everyone is awaiting its arrival with bated breath. Last week, Alma Mater Productions announced that the College’s spring concert will feature DNCE, with opener, D.R.A.M.

For those of you who fail to keep up with this generation, DNCE is Joe Jonas’s totally adult, non-familial band that has churned out hits like “Cake by the Ocean” and “Body Moves.” Alternatively, D.R.A.M is the mastermind behind “Broccoli,” and it doesn’t seem like anyone can honestly say that they’ve heard another song by him.

There has been a lot of buzz around these concert choices, both angry and excited. From my observations, it seems that those who are the most disappointed in DNCE as the headliner are also those who failed to have a Jonas Brothers “phase.” And to them I ask, ‘how dare you?’

How dare you try and rob the joy of Joe Jonas from the now-grown, fangirl generation? I’m not sure if this is coming as a news flash to a lot of people, but Joe Jonas is a millennial icon. Not only is he a talented vocalist and musician, but he is also a successful actor, starring in legendary movies such as “Camp Rock” and “Camp Rock 2,” and he’s undeniably dreamy. Joe Jonas watched many of us fall asleep night after night from behind his glossy poster eyes, and all we ask is for this one magnificent night back in time without pushback.

Joe Jonas represents what many of us constantly fail to articulate. He is our innocent childhood fantasy while simultaneously being the one that took us by the hand into the first wonders of adulthood. On the brink of full maturity, Joe Jonas will grant us a night of pure adolescent hysteria and ignorant bliss. On this night, our minds will rest and our hearts will sing. On this night, we won’t be college students, but angsty 12-year-olds dancing in our rooms alone to Joe’s melodic, silken voice. Let us have this.

As for D.R.A.M., I have been informed by an AMP insider that he will work less as an opener and more as a “co-headliner,” most likely performing for 45 minutes to an hour. I can’t say I wasn’t initially excited by this choice in opener, but the more I think about it, the less enthusiastic I become.

I can say with full confidence that I will only be able to sing along to one song with D.R.A.M., and I guarantee I am not the only one. Granted, D.R.A.M. will certainly act as more of a “hype-man” per se, as DNCE’s music can be classified as more low-key pop, which is not D.R.A.M.’s style.

Regardless of the technicality that is D.R.A.M., Joe Jonas will be in Kaplan Arena in just a few weeks time, singing to each and every one of our open hearts, and at this point in the semester, that is inspiration in itself. D.R.A.M. will undoubtedly catch the electric Jonas energy during his performance, and I can only hope that he manages that energy responsibly. Because for one night, we will be reliving our frenzied 13-year-old dreams, and both D.R.A.M. and Joe Jonas will have to stare into our faces as we do so.

Email Lexi Godfrey [email protected]

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