Bathroom Rankings: A guide to knowing where to go when you really have to go

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Picture this: you’ve just finished a glorious Marketplace breakfast, complete with three piping-hot cups of refreshing coffee. You’re sitting with your friends at the heart of campus on the Terrace, people watching and greeting everyone who passes by. Classes don’t start for another 30 minutes. Life is good.

But all of a sudden, you feel a rumble in your stomach. You realize that third cup of coffee was probably not a good idea, but never fear! There are plenty of bathrooms easily accessible, and with 30 minutes to spare, you can relieve yourself anywhere on campus. But beware: not all on-campus bathrooms are created equal. Use this list to guide you to the best (and avoid the worst) bathrooms across campus.

10. Jones Hall

Simply put by a student, “Jones is horrific.” Known as the home of internet technology and mathematics, Jones Hall is full of valuable classes but overwhelmingly subpar bathrooms. Many of the building’s restrooms have a bit of a rank smell. The stalls are uncomfortably short, often resulting in awkward eye contact. Some students have reported bug sightings. To top it all off, the gaping crack in the stall door often results in staring at yourself in the mirror as you take a whiz. Thankfully, there are plenty of other decent bathrooms in close proximity to Jones in the New Campus area.

9. Morton Hall

Morton is only marginally better than Jones thanks to the lack of odor and bugs. Steer clear of this bathroom if you want to avoid uncomfortable eye contact caused by short stalls and a generally uncomfortable peeing experience. Also, beware of the aggressive sink water pressure that may splash your shirt if you aren’t careful.

8. Kaplan Arena

Despite hosting big events such as basketball games and the highly anticipated spring concert, Kaplan’s bathrooms are not made to accommodate the masses. Similar to the curse of Jones and Morton, the stalls are uncomfortably short, and there’s no guarantee of avoiding the dreaded awkward eye contact. Location-wise, Kaplan is somewhat out of the way in relation to academic buildings. In short, it’s not the worst bathroom, but you can definitely do better.

7. Campus Center

As the last of the short-stalled bathrooms, Campus Center’s first floor restroom is a step up from the bottom three contenders. Although the stalls are some of the shortest on campus, this bathroom comes with a few key redeeming factors, including a full-length mirror and a shelf to drop your stuff while you relieve yourself. Also, thanks to a Student Assembly initiative, the women’s restroom has complimentary feminine products for emergencies.

6. James Blair Hall

As the first bathroom with reasonably tall stalls, Blair’s bathrooms are a solid bet for an average bathroom experience. However, there are only three stalls per bathroom, so this may not be the quickest place to go if you’re in a rush to get to class.

5. Sadler Center

As one of the busiest buildings on campus, Sadler’s bathrooms have plenty of stalls. Conveniently located on all three levels of the building, these bathrooms have plenty of space and the typical tall stalls. The first-floor women’s restroom is stocked with emergency feminine products. The only downsides to Sadler’s bathrooms are that sometimes they carry a bit of an off odor, and they’re stuffy.

4. ISC

Because this building is one of the youngest on campus, the Integrated Science Center has some of the most modern and sleek bathrooms available on campus. On the downside, the building’s complicated layout can make it difficult to locate the closest one.

3. Tucker Hall

Thanks to Tucker’s recent renovation, the bathrooms throughout the building are superb, with a calm green color scheme that complements the rest of the building’s interior. Full-length mirrors are conveniently located inside each one.

2. Tyler Hall

The beloved government building, adored by many students due to its fresh renovation in 2014, possesses some of the best bathrooms on campus. With plenty of stalls and modern appliances such as automatic sinks and toilets, this bathroom is an absolute home run. The full-length mirrors and excellent lighting serve as a perfect place for a great selfie. Because many tours pass through Tyler, these bathrooms are also usually cleaned to perfection.

1. Any gender-neutral bathroom

Although the ISC, Tucker and Tyler all provide excellent bathrooms to accommodate multiple people, nothing is as incomparably fantastic as getting to poop in absolute privacy. Most buildings across campus have at least one gender-neutral bathroom. The two best gender-neutral bathrooms are in the ISC and Swemromas; the ISC bathroom has the ever-coveted double-ply toilet paper, and the Swemromas bathroom is stocked with emergency feminine products.