Follow your nose

_Warning: The content of The Flat Hat’s Daily Grind blog contains adult themes and explicit language. Please contact the editor-in-chief if you have questions or concerns._

Before you read any more of this blog, I have a quick exercise I want you to perform. It’s going to sound silly, but just stick with me. I want you to count your holes. Seriously. Every hole in your body. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Blushing yet? It can be awkward to think about this kind of stuff, I know, but holes are important when it comes to sex. For obvious reasons. The physical act of gettin’ it on often has a lot to do with putting certain ahem-things-ahem in holes. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into some yucky online discussion of our most private parts. Instead, I’ll just draw your attention to two holes we keep pretty public: our nostrils.

Think for a second how powerful your nostrils are. Your nose is the first part of you to get anywhere and scents and odors make up a huge part of how we experience our world. Without our nostrils, how would we ever feel the joy of smelling fresh flowers, bread baking, coffee brewing? Sigh. So romantic.

But what about those putrid scents, those smells we’d all agree are decidedly unappealing? I’m thinking here of unwashed hair, sweat, halitosis. Those are nasty and absolutely un-sexy. Catch a whiff of any of those in your dorm hallway and that last thing you’ll be thinking is “Oh wow. That dude smells gross. I want to have sex with him.”

But then, there certainly are those times where strong body odors smell, well, pretty darn sexy. Like, say you’re hooking up with someone. Things are going well and you’re really turned on. It’s likely that you’ll be smelling this other person very intensely, that you’ll be close enough physically to get beyond their perfume or mouthwash or whatever. Your nose will start picking up on the smell of their skin and hair — their body. And suddenly, those disgusting scents become huge turn-ons. When you’re sexually excited, it’s like your nose suddenly decides to flip some sort of switch. It’s almost like you revert to something animal or primal, something that desires that musky fragrance.

And, to be fair, let’s admit that there are plenty of times when we are the smelly ones. Maybe there wasn’t time for a shower before your 8 a.m. Maybe you just came from the gym. Maybe you’re trying a new deodorant and it’s not really doing its job. It’s understandable that you might not want to stink up your classroom or some other public place, but don’t make this an issue to worry about when it comes to sex. Sex should be about people enjoying one another’s bodies, right? So try using your personal odor to your advantage. Use those pheromones your body produces naturally to get you and your sex partner all riled up.

I’m not advising that you show up to someone’s bedroom door after a week of not showering (although, hey, whatever gets you going!), but instead just realize that you have access to some super powerful aphrodisiacs. Armpits, crotches — these are regions of the body we might not usually enjoy sniffing, but when sex is involved, follow your nose! Rely on those two nostrils you’ve got and you might be surprised by what bad starts to smell good.


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