Almost Relevant: Stump the Barnes

Paul the Octopus restored my faith in humanity this summer. Or at least in cephalopods.

I love Paul because I hate most sports prognosticators. Sports, at its best, can reflect the best in humanity. At is worst, it is the CBS pregame show. So much air space is wasted listening to people who know nothing proclaiming themselves experts. Loudly and incorrectly.

So we are going to conduct an experiment here at the Flat Hat. We will have sports editor, and world’s biggest football fan, Mike Barnes pick the winners of games every week.
Opposing him we will have someone who knows nothing about football. We will also have a third group, a control, just to see if a group of people picking at random could out-pick one of our two competitors.

We will list the picks and the reasons for each pick every Thursday. The control picks will be posted along with comments from various Flat Hat writers.

First up picking against Barnes is Flat Hat opinions editor Elizabeth DeBusk. Elizabeth is a sophomore from Glade Spring, Virginia. We picked Elizabeth because of the way she always rolls her eyes when football is mentioned in the office.

Today, we’ll see if she can best Barnes.

Kansas City vs. Cleveland
Barnes: Kansas City because they tore up San Diego Monday night and Delhome going for Cleveland.
Elizabeth: Cleveland. I watched “Hot in Cleveland” this summer and liked Cleveland.
Control: Cleveland. I have no reason—Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey

Buffalo vs. Green Bay
Barnes: Green Bay. They looked really good last weekend versus Philly.
Elizabeth: Green Bay because I have actually heard of them.
Control: Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers is too good for Buffalo’s defense—Flat Hat Chief Staf Writer Sam Sutton.

Baltimore vs. Cincinnati
Barnes: This is a tough one. I’m going to go with Baltimore because I hate T.O. and I’m not picking that team.
Elizabeth: Baltimore. I just googled Cincinnati and a really weird picture of their mascot just came up (note: Elizabeth was looking at a picture of the University of Cincinnati’s mascot on google).
Control: Baltimore. Carson Palmer put a voodoo spell on Matt Leinhart and ended up with all his “talent”—Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey.

Pittsburgh vs. Tennessee
Barnes: Tennessee. Pittsburgh barely won last week.
Elizabeth: Tennessee. I’m from southwestern Va., which is very close to Knoxville. I kind of hate the state of Tennessee actually, but I stick with their teams.
Control: Tennessee. I don’t know, they seem nice there. —Flat Hat Assoc. News Editor Chris McKenna.

Philadelphia vs. Detroit
Barnes: Philly. Mike Vick baby. And Stafford’s out.
Elizabeth: What team is Vick on? Philadelphia? I’ll pick Detroit then.
Control: Philadelphia. I’ve heard bad things about Detroit. —Flat Hat Intern Katherine Chiglinsky.

Chicago vs. Dallas
Barnes: Chicago. Dallas was awful versus Washington and I have faith in Cutler.
Elizabeth: Dallas. They also go into the category of teams I have heard of.
Control: Dallas. I heard Debbie did them—Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey.

Tampa Bay vs. Carolina
Barnes: I don’t even want to pick this game. I’ll say Tampa Bay just to be different.
Elizabeth: Carolina. That state is geographically close.
Control: Tampa Bay. Clausen will start and get killed. —Flat Hat News Editor Chris Weidman.

Arizona vs. Atlanta
Barnes: Atlanta. Because Arizona’s quarterback situation is a mess.
Elizabeth: Arizona. Ever since they played in the Super Bowl, I’ve liked them. (Can I point out that I made my roommate watch the Super Bowl last year and she thought a touchdown is when you throw the ball through the goalposts)?
Control: Arizona. Because I’m from there.— Flat Hat Assoc. News Editor Chris McKenna.

Miami vs. Minnesota
Barnes:Miami. I think Brett Favre is done and I think one of their receivers got hurt today.
Elizabeth: Miami. If I was picking a vacation spot, I’d pick Miami over Minnesota.
Control: Miami. They will give plenty of time for Favre to make his reservation at Sizzler. —Flat Hat Chief Staff Writer Sam Sutton.

St. Louis vs. Oakland
Barnes: Oakland. My boy Jason Campbell is out there. (Barnes is a Redskins fan).
Elizabeth: St. Louis. They have an arch.
Control: Oakland. They are going to win the game and then Al Davis will move back to L.A.. —Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey

Seattle vs. Denver
Barnes: Another game I don’t care about. I’ll go Seattle because they beat up on San Francisco last weekend and I thought San Francisco was pretty good.
Elizabeth: What are there mascots? I’ll take Seattle then. I like the alliteration of their mascots.
Control: Seattle. My uncle works at an IKEA out there. —Flat Hat Intern Katherine Chiglinsky.

Houston vs. Washington
Barnes: I’m a homer. I’m going with the Redskins.
Elizabeth: I’m putting too much thought into this. I’m picking Houston, breaking the geography rule.
Control: It is Washington state? Washington then. Does Washington state have a team? —Flat Hat Assoc. News Editor Chris McKenna.

Jacksonville vs. San Diego
Barnes: San Diego. They are favored by seven.
Elizabeth: San Diego. It is another team I’ve heard of.
Control: San Diego. I want to say something about a whale’s vagina but… —Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey

New England vs. New York Jets
Barnes: New England. Someone needs to shut Rex Ryan up.
Elizabeth: Isn’t Tom Brady on New England? He was a jerk to his ex-wife, so I’m going with the Jets.
Control: New England. Sanchez looked awful last week —Flat Hat Chief Staff Writer Sam Sutton.

New York Giants vs. Indianapolis
Barnes: Manning Bowl. I’m going to go with Peyton and Indy because he’s the better quarterback.
Elizabeth: I know Peyton and Eli! I’m trying to decide which one I like better. I’ll go with Peyton and Indy.
Control: Indianapolis. Peyton Manning is a heck of a player. —Flat Hat News Editor Ian Brickey.

New Orleans vs. San Francisco
Barnes: I like San Francisco, but I can’t against the Saints.
Elizabeth: New Orleans because I actually dislike San Francisco. I’m kind of rooting against someone (pause) he’s an old high school friend (long pause) he’s a guy I was guilted into going on a date with this summer. It was so awkward.
Control: HOW DARE YOU!!!! —Flat Hat Chief Staff Writer Sam Sutton (from San Francisco).


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