Dining Services forced to eat their words

    It is time to wake up to the injustice of campus dining. Yet again, we have seen the top 1 percent strike out and cripple our quality of life. And I firmly believe we are left with only one solution: Occupy the Marketplace.

    The tyranny of Dining Services can no longer be tolerated. We stayed silent when the Commons Dining Hall took away its Nilla Wafer-infused banana pudding from its Friday menu. We shut our mouths and filled our plates in tasty, tasty shame when they put on a Harry Potter-themed dinner at the Sadler Center, knowing full well that our friends would never let us live it down.

    Now, they have gone one step too far. By removing the gooey, tender chicken cheesesteak complete with chopped onions and green and red bell peppers from the Grille Works meal plan options and charging an extortionate $5.39 for it, Dining Services has sent a clear message to the student body — message that looks strikingly like a middle finger.

    We must make our voices heard, loud and clear. Occupy the Marketplace! If the Chick-Fil-A owners are really spending their Sundays in church, they had better pray for the souls of the greedy, gluttonous rulers of Dining Services.

    Sure, Dining Services tries to host feedback sessions throughout the year, luring us with offers of free candy — which sound suspiciously like the start of a Vice President of Student Affairs Ginger Ambler safety email to me — and Director of Dining Services Matt Moss politely and promptly answered all of my questions when I emailed him. The fact is, however, that these redeeming qualities are completely beside the point.
    Dining Services is tyrannical, undemocratic and must be stopped. The rallying cry of our revolution is clear. “Let them eat cake? No, give us back our chicken cheesesteak!”

    Moss explained the reasoning behind the sacrifice of the chicken cheesesteak with the same breezy demeanor befitting many a criminal who knows he’s been caught. He decided to take the chicken cheesesteak off the menu and add grilled cheese to complement veggie burgers in a more balanced menu with more vegetarian alternatives.

    This is an obvious ploy to divide our ranks. Everybody knows that vegetarians only eat lettuce and carrots.
    Most importantly, the chicken cheesesteak in its prime was already a grilled cheese — but with more stuff.
    When asked who was responsible for the sacrifice of our happiness, Moss responded, “I make that decision in conjunction with our managers at the location. We evaluate menus across campus throughout the summer… to find the best mix.”

    The “best mix” without the single best, gooiest entree? Seems like a curious choice to me. Furthermore, a quick check of my inbox reveals there was no survey sent over the summer informing me of the changes proposed by Moss and his posse.

    Despite the harsh oppression of Dining Services, we leaders of this nascent movement are not unreasonable. There is still a chance for us all to come to the table and break French bread.

    I’d like to propose my own Buffet Rule, one that everyone — from the President to Warren Buffet, all the way down the tax brackets to Buffet’s secretary — could agree upon. Anytime the tyrannical Dining Services is considering a change to the menus that provide the very source of sustenance on our precious campus, they will have two days of tastings — one buffet with the current menu and a second day with the proposed changed menu. After the two days, we students — who, need I remind you, Dining Services is here to serve — will vote on the menu we find most pleasing to our taste buds.

    Until then, we must occupy the Marketplace! Until change is made and our voice is taken seriously, there will be no Grille Works! No Homezone, no Montague’s Deli! No Chick-Fil-A, no Capiche! And most importantly, no Zoca!


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