Behind the Back Door: breaking down the stigma of oral-anal stimulation


Even among the open-minded, experimental individuals, some of the most contentious topics in colloquial conversations about sex arise once attention is directed to anal play. More specifically, a lot of people can’t decide how they feel about analingus, also known as “a rim job” or “tossing salad.” Many people who are on the fence about oral-anal stimulation say it’s because of at least one of the following issues: insecurities about receiving, hesitancy about the hygiene of performing, concern about performing well or indecisiveness on whether to bring it up. We’re going to take a look at each of these concerns and hesitancies so as to help anyone who’s interested feel more comfortable in the future.

If you plan on being on the receiving end of analingus, there are a number of things that you can do to prepare, helping you feel more confident and, as an extension, more relaxed.

The first is to make sure that you are nice and thoroughly washed. This doesn’t have to be a task of ardor; a warm shower using soap and water is a good start. You may want to insert a wet finger into the anus just to be thorough; you can also use an enema if you feel so inclined, but know that one isn’t necessary. Also, it may be more pleasurable for you and your partner if you give the weeds a bit of a whack, so to speak. It’s just important to exercise caution in such a delicate area when shaving, and you may want to have a conversation with your partner about it if you feel uncomfortable with the idea of shaving back there.

Additionally, if it would make you feel more relaxed, you may want to steer clear of meals that are high in fiber the day before your session; there’s nothing worse than having to hold it in when you’re trying to let loose.

If you plan on performing analingus, here are a few tips to act as a roadmap to keep you on track. First, rim jobs have the interesting quality of both being and requiring foreplay. Prior to performing analingus, you may want to partake in usual hints of foreplay such as kissing and massaging your partner, particularly around the buttocks, or dirty talk, whatever that means to your partnership. Additionally, note that you may choose this activity to act as foreplay for a session of penetrative anal play. Also, keep in mind the various tools that are at your disposal. Don’t forget that you can make full use of breath, tongue, lips, fingers and hands throughout your session for probing, caressing and assisting.  If you’ve got the resources, talk to your partner about potentially incorporating toys such as butt plugs and dildos to help out.

Finally, it’s important to note that, just like with any other sexual interaction, there are risks to be aware of and precautions to take that can also help keep your mind at peace. For one, it is possible for STIs to transmit between the anus and the mouth. The simplest solution to limit the potential for transference is to utilize a dental dam during your interaction to act as a barrier.  If instead you make the decision not to use a dental dam, it is highly suggested that both you and your partner get tested prior to your session. Also, while it is true that there are bacteria in the anus, it is not the kind that normally does much harm if it comes in contact with the mouth. That being said, this is true in a healthy partner. However, this would become more dangerous if either partner had illness-causing bacteria. Lastly, keep in mind that any time fecal matter comes into contact with the environment of the vagina it can lead to UTIs, vaginitis and cystitis.

Well, hopefully this information will help you and your sexual partner(s) have as clean, safe and satisfying of a time as possible during your next or first session.

William W. is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who wants you to be prepared for the ins and outs.

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