Eduardo ’24 is majoring in government and minoring in Latin American studies. He kindly asks that should you have alternative restroom location recommendations, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
The views expressed in the article are the author’s own.
After exploring different avenues to alleviate myself on campus, I have compiled a list of my favorite bathrooms for those who value their toilet time. The rankings were based on each bathroom’s performance in relation to three distinct categories. The categories are based on what I believe are the most important aspects of any enjoyable experience. The bathroom must feature an attractive ambiance, privacy or limited traffic and a commitment to cleanliness.
Privacy is pivotal. One unwanted guest in the room could trigger my anxiety and ruin my bathroom experience. Visits shouldn’t be traumatic and limited traffic creates a stress and judgment free environment. Of the three categories, I find privacy by far the most important. Ambiance is defined by lighting and architectural design. The bathroom should be attractive with unique designs and fancy sinks. The ambiance of a bathroom should be sensual, worthy of a mirror selfie. Obviously, everyone agrees that cleanliness and scent are of utmost importance. There is nothing more disappointing than a disgusting bathroom with a putrid smell.
That being said, here is my humble review of my favorite bathrooms on campus. I understand that not everyone may welcome the review and that it may provide details you never considered important; however, I know there are picky potty pickers out there, and this one’s for you.
The Top Ten Bathrooms on Campus:
1. Earl Gregg Swem Library basement all-gender bathrooms
The holy grail and my personal favorite bathroom of choice. The all-gendered bathrooms located in the Swem basement feature perfect privacy, wonderful ambiance and are kept quite clean. The one on the right has more square footage than my own room and has a quaint chair in the corner for your jacket and backpack. The lattice on the overhead lighting creates a perfect calming environment. Overall its grandeur is unmatched and perfect for prolonged potty visits.
2. Sir Christopher Wren Building, third floor
These bathrooms embody the colonial. Very private and very clean, but these bathrooms’ greatest strength is their ambiance. The sunlight floods these rooms to drown your worries. A great go experience with a side of golden-hour mirror selfies? Yes please.
3. McLeod Tyler Wellness Center
The creative sink is not the only thing you will fall in love with. Very private, these are some of the best and newest the College has to offer. Its intimate details and quiet disposition feel almost too comfortable. Plus, the waterfall in the lobby is a nice foreshadowing touch.
4. Third Floor Washington Hall
The best part of this bathroom is the open window by the last stall. While this bathroom may be occasionally busy in between classes, it is generally empty and fairly tidy. On a nice fall day or bright summer afternoon, the window is wide enough to give the bathroom an outdoor feel without sacrificing privacy. The leaves rustle in the wind, and if you feel curious to look out and down, you have a bird’s eye view of the Sunken Garden and the hustle and bustle of the people on it. Overall, a unique experience but exclusive to non-rainy days.
5. First Floor Raymond A. Mason School of Business
These bathrooms carry themselves similarly to the Wellness Center, carrying the College’s limited modernity on its back. These bathrooms are faithful and have plenty of mirror space to check up on that business casual look. The toilets have a particularly crisp flush if that tickles your fancy.
6. Second Floor Chancellors Hall
The only reason this was not placed higher is because it is often a little too crowded for comfort. I feel strongly about the 4K, full body mirror because it can either be a big confidence booster when you wear that outfit you like or it can be terribly humbling after a belligerent Thursday night. However, its sleek feel and unique tiles land it a spot at number six.
7. First Floor James Blair Hall
Firstly, it’s fun to skip on the tiles to get there. The bathroom just exudes history or philosophy major energy from the warm lighting to the odd soap dispensers. The end stall has ample wiggle room, but there is nothing particular about the bathroom that makes it shine other than good vibes. Usually empty of traffic so feel free to empty your bowels here.
8. Integrated Science Center
ISC has a plethora of good bathrooms, but that might be the problem. There are too many mediocre bathrooms with no real luster. My personal favorites are located on the newer wing, specifically the bathroom in the basement next to the elevator. The bathrooms are usually neat and since there are so many to choose from, they are usually empty.
9. Second Floor Campus Center
These bathrooms are hidden towards the back and unlike their first floor counterparts, their stalls reach from the ceiling to the floor. It is usually quiet up there, but at the sink, the mirror is behind you? The uncomfortable 180 degree turn to check myself out before public exposure is awkward and therefore this bathroom is stuck at number nine. Overall a good time though.
10. Sike, I lied.
This spot was left purposely blank and up to interpretation. I am currently on the search for our tenth spot and I am providing ample room to move the list around should I discover another private, pretty, and pristine potty room for our most necessary needs. Stick around for a revised version as that will possibly include new locations popping up as construction finishes.
An honorable mention: The Daily Grind little single.
The Daily Grind little single. While it is completely private, it can feel a little hostile with the bombardment of knocking at the door. Plus when you walk out, you are greeted by everyone in the little room who knows exactly how long you were in there for. It’s also not that clean, to be honest.
While I did indeed analyze the best bathrooms for your buck, I would suggest actively avoiding The Common’s bathrooms as they are the worst bathrooms available. Why are the doors always open, and why are they never clean? Why must we subject ourselves to such a poor state of affairs? And what on earth is that smell? I digress.
If there is anything I can leave you with, it is that potty time is a sacred time. We do it every day, and might as well enjoy the go. So check out these locations to diversify your potty palette. Remember to wipe, my friends.