Thou shalt love thyself
August 31, 2007
Before I unleash my masturbatory advice upon the female community, I just want to make a few things clear. This column was not written at the request of some guy; in fact, I wrote it after some women asked me to write a piece emphasizing female masturbation.
p. Masturbation is an important part of being a normal, healthy, sexual adult. Women might not masturbate for a number of reasons. Some see it as a gateway sexual act, which will somehow lead to the destruction of their morality. This is simply not true. If you have it set in your mind that sex is not in the cards for you right now, having some fun will not change your mind. Girls are told not to touch themselves, that it is dirty or will desensitize them. Maybe you’ve tried before, but couldn’t reach orgasm.
p. Perhaps you’re saying, “I’ve got a man to do it for me, why should I bother?” I scoff at you. Whatever the reasoning is, unless masturbation is totally against your moral code, I’d suggest you read the column and then get started on your homework.
If you haven’t been able to successfully climax after many attempts, start by letting your worries go. Lock the door to the room so you don’t need to fear unwelcome visitors and pick a time when your roommate is sure not to return for about a half hour. Then focus on the clitoris, or “the man in the boat.” Use one or more fingers to massage gently in circles around it until you start to feel the tingle. Your own instincts should kick in at that point; if you slow the movement down or let up pressure, you can keep building up your anticipation until you shake your way through your first orgasm. If you need more incentive to start masturbating than an orgasm, I’ve come up with my top five reasons why you should.
p. Independence. Men have women by the balls (so to speak) when they don’t masturbate. If you haven’t given yourself an orgasm, how do you even know if he’s doing the best job? You might think you’ve been given a mind-blowing night, but once you try it out for yourself, you may discover that your old Earth-shaking orgasm was nothing more than a feather-light tremble. Also, when you can bring yourself to orgasm, you’re less likely to put up with some jerk you’re only seeing because he gets you off.
p. Cramps or a headache? Masturbate! When you have cramps or just don’t feel well you may not think you’re in the mood to get it on with yourself. You should give it a chance and start fantasizing. Once you start turning yourself on, your body switches its concentration to what is more important. You’ll forget about whatever was ailing you, and you’ll go from feeling sickly to sexy in under five minutes.
p. Demonstrate. If he couldn’t get you off before, show him yourself. If you give a man the opportunity, nay the gift, of watching you please yourself, he’ll soon know exactly how to have you writhing with pleasure. If you’re comfortable with it, just put your hand over top of his and literally show him what to do either with a vibrator or while touching your clitoris. After the lesson, I’m pretty sure he’ll be turned on enough to give it a try himself.
Foreplay? Yes, please. No matter how women try to slow men down, many times they haven’t reached a peak of arousal when the sex starts. When you masturbate, you can make the process as complex and romantic as you want. If you want the dimmed lights and the music on and all that stuff, go for it. You can heat yourself up by exploring your body before getting to business, touching in exactly the way you’d want your partner to.
p. No better stress reliever. It provides a much needed respite during the day, just like a nap in between classes or exercising at the gym. You can’t think about school while doing it — unless that’s your thing — and the rush clears your head so you get a nice half-hour of dazed euphoria before realizing that test is still tomorrow.
p. Apart from the reasons that I listed above, there are also some very obvious ones. You can never contract an STI from touching yourself, there is no chance of pregnancy when you masturbate and you cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. All in all, I see masturbation as a win-win system, and hope many of the women on campus will pick up this amazing hobby. And of course, this way you know you’ll always respect yourself in the morning.
Emily Powell is The Flat Hat sex columnist. She wants her readers to find their full potential.