Gossip Girl: A Perestroika personality

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October 6, 2009

9:09 PM

What an interesting episode of “Lizzie McGuire.” Oh, wait, I mean “America’s Next Top Model.” No! I mean “Gossip Girl.” I just got a little confused, you know, with both Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks guest-starring in this episode.

A lot of random things unfolded this week. While I was somewhat skeptical about everything that happened, at least I wasn’t plotting about ways to destroy Georgina, since she was thankfully not included in this episode. We see Little J attempt to start a “revolution” at Constance Billard. I was most disturbed when she already had a posse on the first day of school. The Jenny Groupies even came with gratuitous eye make-up and clothing that was probably supposed to be punk-chic. Of course, Little J won’t have any of that. She naively attempts to end the so-called hierarchy, which only results in a Blair-tastic intervention. I heard the word “Perestroika” thrown around. Do these kids even know what that means?

In the meantime, Hilary Duff is running around New York looking as cute as a button. What’s up with the fedora, sweetheart? It seems to work for Dan, however, who notices her when she pays for his coffee. Dan, of course, being the oblivious writer that he is, fails to realize that she is actually the famous actress Olivia Burke. Delighted to not be recognized, Olivia tells Dan her name is Kate and they have a romance so sweet and cliché it gives me cavities. We’ve all heard the guy-meets-famous-girl and falls in love or vice versa story.

Serena “Hot Mess” Van der Woodsen still has no idea what the hell she’s going to do with her life, but she does know one thing: she will not go to Brown. Mama Van der Woodsen doesn’t take to this too lightly, calling BS after the first cries of “I need to find myself.” In an attempt to prove herself, Serena manages to become Tyra Banks’ character’s publicist. Get this: Tyra’s character is named Ursula, a name as melodramatic as her antics, which are nevertheless amusing and surprisingly endearing at times. Ultimately, Serena sticks to her principles and prevents Ursula from having a meltdown in public. She gets fired, but I give her +2 cool points.

No, I didn’t forget my two favorite characters ever. This week, Blair has an identity crisis of sorts and can’t accept the fact that she’s pretty much a nobody at NYU, so she falls back into the company of high school girls from Constance in an attempt to relive her glory days. Chuck isn’t about to see his girlfriend become a sob story, though, and manages to pull Blair from hosting a sleepover by making her think he is going on a date with Little J. In a most adorable speech, he basically tells her that if she got him, the Chuck Bass, to tell her he loves her, then she can do anything. He had me at “I’m Chuck Bass and I love you.” Oh, and Blair finds a new posse at NYU, so everyone wins.

And now, for this episode’s WTF moments:
1. Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks’ so-called French accents in their “movie premiere.”
2. Olivia’s publicist and brief employer of Serena acting like an obnoxious parasite.
3. Little J stepping up to her Queen Bee throne as though she was never a revolutionary. What’s going on, Little J? Fight for your rights!

And, much to my dismay, it looks as though She-Demon is back next week, bringing Scott and plenty of drama back with her. Bring it on, bitch.

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