Behind Closed Doors: Forget the “Walk of Shame,” enjoy a “got laid parade” instead

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October 26, 2015

11:05 PM

The “walk of shame”: a phrase used to describe the act of returning home the morning after spending the night with someone else, usually implying sexual activity has occurred.

I cannot stand the entire concept of the “walk of shame.” It is charged with negative energy, and I like to live my life with positivity. So, naturally, I scoured the internet for a phrase that would bring some positive energy to this phenomenon.

The internet did not disappoint. I came upon the gloriously joyful phrase “got laid parade.” I love this phrase. Let me break down for you why you should join me, and make a vocabulary shift from “walk of shame” to “got laid parade.”

First and foremost, there is absolutely no reason we should be shaming anyone simply because we see them walking home in the same clothes they were wearing the night before. If I’m wearing the same clothes I wore last night, I already feel gross enough and I just want to shower. I don’t need or want to feel ashamed of myself on top of that.

…just because I did not spend the night in my own room does not mean I was getting it on.

Also, 50 percent of the time that I wear the same clothes two days in a row, it’s just because I didn’t get up early enough in the morning to shower and put on nice things. Approximately 95 percent of the time that I walk home after spending the night at someone else’s place, I am wearing fresh clothes and am freshly showered because I packed a bag and showered at their place. Here’s my point: the clothes I am wearing as I walk home in the morning tell you nothing about what I was doing the night before, so let’s stop making assumptions.

Second of all, just because I did not spend the night in my own room does not mean I was getting it on. It’s possible I stayed up all night in Earl Gregg Swem Library (my personal record on that one is 4:30 a.m.), or that I had a sleepover with a friend because sleepovers are great. Maybe I was out of town for the weekend. It is even within the realm of possibility that I stayed over at my partner’s place but did not have sex with them. I know, I know, that’s pretty shocking. I’ll give you a moment to process that information.

Okay, ready to move on? Good. Before we do, I’m going to repeat that because it’s important: you can spend the night with your partner without necessarily having sex with them. It is a real thing that happens and it’s great.

On to my next issue with the “walk of shame:” there is nothing shameful about having consensual sex. Period. The end. It doesn’t matter whom you are having sex with, when you are having sex with that person, where you are having sex and it especially does not matter if you spend the night afterward. There is nothing shameful about having sex if that is what you want to be doing. By using the phrase “walk of shame,” we perpetuate the idea that having sex is a shameful activity, whether or not we believe that to be true.

If we use “got laid parade” instead, we remove the element of shame. Not only that, but we give the act a sexy confidence to it. Personally, when I walk home after a night of sexy times, I think of the “got laid parade,” which makes me think: “Wow, I had a great night. Everyone else wishes they had as great of a night as I did.” I hold my head a little higher. I am reminded that I am confident in my sexuality, my relationships and my choices and that I have no reason to feel otherwise. Most importantly, I’m reminded that it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, and no one — absolutely no one — has the right to make me feel ashamed of myself for my sex life and having a positive attitude about it.

So next time you find yourself in last night’s clothes, walking home in the morning, put on some headphones, play some music that makes you feel confident and walk your beautiful self home to the beat of your own personal parade.

Katelyn Reimer is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who likes a full fanfare when she walks home from a night of sexy time.

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  • Katelyn R.