Behind Closed Doors: Just A Few Tips

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August 29, 2016

9:20 PM

I realized something the other day while I was on my way to the good ol’ College of William and Mary to start my fourth and final year here: I’m now a big bad senior. With all that seniority I’ve suddenly inherited, I figure there’s a bit of wisdom and knowledge to go along with it. And there’s no way I could let all this newfound wisdom — especially my intellect of the sexual variety — go to waste. So, in honor of my old age and a new school year, I figured I’d hit you with a few tips on navigating sexy time in your college years, whether this is your first year on campus or your last.

Don’t yuck someone’s yum 

You might have heard this back in elementary school in regards to your classmate’s food during lunch but now the clever terminology can be applied to the bedroom. In other words, don’t kink shame for the sake of kink shaming. If your boo thang is a fan of toes and finds your footsies particularly attractive, don’t give them unnecessary beef if foot massages aren’t up your ally. If your partner is open enough to express an uncommon fetish with you, it’s ultimately a sign of trust. And if they respect your disinterest in foot play, there’s no need to make your love bug feel uncomfortable.

Safe sex is the best sex 

I’m not going to lie to you guys, when I discover a pal of mine is having unprotected sex, it keeps me up at night. Wrapping things up, popping a little pill, and using any other form of birth control before coitus isn’t difficult — and it keeps you and your loved one safe from not only pregnancy but also a laundry list of sexually transmitted infections. I know I’m not your mom or your doctor, but that doesn’t mean I’m not afraid to lecture you when it comes to safe sex. Using two forms of birth control (a condom and IUD, for example) keeps you and your junk safe and keeps all of those who care about you sleeping easy at night. And if you don’t want to shell out the five bucks to buy a couple condoms at Wawa, the College has a number of resources that’ll give you a glove free of charge. Just swing by the Health Center or mosey on over to the Health Outreach Peer Educators website.

Always speak up 

Communication can feel different when it comes to sex, but it’s so vital to always remember that your needs and wants are important. This is monumentally important when it comes to consent, but also applies to something as simple as expressing your limits or turn-ons to your partner. If you don’t know how you feel about anal but are also not interested in finding out, there’s no shame in expressing that. If you’re worried that your love buddy might be embarrassed if you let them know they’ve been misidentifying your clit, don’t be. It’s so much better to let your partner know what feels good and what is off limits so you both can enjoy sex to the fullest. And I don’t know about you guys, but I find chatting about sex can be great for a relationship; it helps to develop a level of intimacy that banging alone cannot create.

It might not be a “phase,” and that’s alright

As young college students, we have a lot to learn about ourselves. This learning experience can range from finding that you love chemistry a lot more than English to finding that penises are much more your thing than vaginas. Exploring your sexuality is totally ok — don’t let anyone tell you differently. There’s also no need to label yourself if that doesn’t sit well with you. Sexuality is a weird and sometimes stressful thing to consider, especially when society puts so much pressure on us to not only label ourselves but also to fit with the stereotypes associated with that label. And, hey, if your sexual exploration results in you realizing it might have been a “phase” all along, there’s nothing wrong with that either. At the end of the day, do you and always remember you’re not alone.

I know what you’re thinking now: “Mallory, if you’ve shared all your wisdom with us in this article, is this the end of your reign as co-columnist for Behind Closed Doors?” Of course not. I’ve got a wealth of information to share in the next year. So, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Mallory Walker is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who is looking forward to the many lessons senior year will bring.

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  • Mallory W