Turn off the lights to get turned on

If you’ve walked through the hedges in Colonial Williamsburg at night, you know what it’s like to be gripped by fear. Your heart’s beating, you’re shuffling your feet as fast as you can and you’re breathing as if you’ve just run a mile. The thing that makes this so scary, other than the gripping ghost story that precedes it, is the stuffy and almost claustrophobia-inducing darkness. In reality, people who fear the dark actually fear what is hidden in it — the mystery of the unknown veiled by every shadow. But darkness doesn’t always have to be terrifying; the thrill of the unknown can be a major turn-on in the bedroom.

p. Some people are so timid in their sex lives that having sex or making out with the lights on is the kinkiest thing on the menu. That concept is all backward — when the lights go off, the heat turns up. Don’t get me wrong, seeing the look on your lover’s face when he or she orgasms is hot. But what about all the little parts that you miss because you’re too busy concentrating with your eyes,penis or vagina? The feeling of your partner’s heartbeat, her breathing getting heavier and faster, the sweat on his back — those little things is what makes sex in the dark more intense.

p. When it’s about that time and the lights get turned off, draw out the foreplay. Your fingers can do the work that your eyes would normally do. I’m not saying to use her nipples like you’re reading Braille. If you take some time and move from the neck down, you can heat her up with both your lips and your fingertips. It’s always wise to shave before this, because while a little brush of stubble can get some girls ready to orgasm, for others it will have them ready to go. In the dark you can follow the outline of her body, touching curves and spots that you would have jumped over for the main attraction in the light. Some secret areas that deserve a little more time and energy are the collarbone, along her ribs and the thighs. More time means more than a stroke or two; if you take time to lightly caress those areas, leaving the inner thighs for last, she’ll be more than ready when you bring it home.

p. Many people play little games before sex to get them in the mood — stripteases and love dice come to mind. The element of darkness can be integrated into most of those warm-ups, too. He is another excellent game can get almost anyone to the brink of an orgasm, and if played well can be continued straight through to guaranteed orgasms. You’ll need either a computer chair with arms or a bed with posts. Take a few neckties and make sure his hands are tied to either the arms of the chair or the bedposts.

p. They don’t have to be tight; you’ll see that the point is definitely not to cut off circulation to his hands. Use another tie to wrap around his eyes as a blindfold. Now — with the man at her mercy — the girl can tease him until she’s ready. Try licking his lips and always pull away right when he’s really enjoying it. If you want to have sex, you can let him know the true definition of a cock tease. He’ll be excited by the element of surprise, not knowing which body part you are going to touch next, and with so much built-up sexual tension the restraints may eventually give way.

p. That’s the point of having sex in the dark; some have sex in the dark because they feel that’s the only way to loosen their restraints. Everyone feels the same in the dark — the chaos and confusion of bodies moving, the heartbeats and gasping. It might be a way to get out of your own skin and feel like your partner’s not judging you. If this is the case, maybe use the games and the security of the dark to become more comfortable with yourself and your partner. It’s true that the grass is always greener on the other side, and once you know every inch of each other by touch, it will be that much more exciting to see the ecstasy on your partner’s face in clear light.

p. __Emily Powell is the Flat Hat sex columnist. She has many scarves with various patterns.__

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