Behind Closed Doors: Getting over your first big breakup

There’s something so wonderful about our first relationships, and also something so incredibly naive. I don’t know about you guys, but my first boyfriend meant the world to me. It came as a shock to me when, during my freshman year and his sophomore year of college, I realized we had outgrown each other. Looking back, ending that relationship was a decision that helped me become who I am today, but in the moment, I was pretty shattered. It can be difficult to rethink your life with someone who seems so important to you out of the picture. But, trust me, in the long run it’s always for the best. Hindsight is 20/20 and with the knowledge I’ve gained since that first big breakup, I can help you with yours — whether it be your high school sweetheart or your first real love in college.

First of all, don’t be afraid to take that leap of faith. Sometimes it can be easy to cut ties in a relationship, but when it comes to breaking up with a first love, it can be tough. The idea of having to heal from the heartbreak a breakup can cause can sometimes be enough to keep you from even calling it quits in the first place. As bad as the pain of heartbreak can be though, it’s even worse to remain in a relationship that will stunt your personal growth or could potentially be detrimental to your own mental and physical health. Sheryl Crow said it best when she said the first cut is the deepest and when it comes to lovin’, it’s likely that your significant other is unworthy of your affection and it’s time to move on. Or something like that.

I remember a couple years back when my ex and I had just broken up, I was determined to get over him as fast as humanly possible. I refused to believe my friends when they told me about how long it took them to get over their exes. So, instead of giving myself the time to heal, I threw myself head first into a new beau. Bad idea. I know it’s difficult to hear, but if you love someone, it can take quite a bit of time to move past that love. It’s more than ok to think about your ex even if they’ve broken your heart. And it’s more than ok to need more than a day or two to be ready for the next relationship. Give yourself time to heal and get back on your feet.

Remember, no matter what you do: Take care of yourself. Self-care manifests itself in so many different ways. Treat yourself to a day of binge watching Netflix, or start up a hobby you’ve always wanted to pursue. The single life is all about doing you, feeling yourself and taking time to make yourself happy. Being single has given me the opportunity to figure out what interests me without having anyone hold me back. What I’m really trying to say that without singledom, I wouldn’t have found my way into the world of witchcraft. You might not become a practicing witch (and if you are, hmu), but being single is a chance to immerse yourself in you-time.

I’ll be honest with you guys: This is probably the first time I’ve been single for this long. And this wonderful ride of singlehood all started with an incredibly traumatic breakup. It was tough, but it was worth it. Once you are brave enough to take on this crazy thing called life solo, you’ll realize how incredibly precious your time is. Not only should we all take the time to stand strong and end the relationships that need to end, but we should also always remember that if you don’t want to spend time with someone, its time to let them go.

Mallory Walker is a Behind Closed Doors columnist who, like Beyonce, needs no permission to enjoy her singlehood.


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