Home Blog Page 287

Why the Patriots will win

0

It’s simple: the 2007 New England Patriots are the greatest team in NFL history and they simply cannot be beaten. The first team ever to go 18-0, the Pats’ offense is an unstoppable machine driven by one of the most efficient quarterbacks ever to play the game. Their defense is an opportunistic, “bend but don’t break” unit with the veteran experience to force morale-breaking turnovers. Over the course of this season, they have withstood nearly every imaginable challenge and emerged on top, setting records in the process.

p. Yet, most importantly, the 2007 New England Patriots could not care less about any of that. Tom Brady, Randy Moss and company have their attention focused on one thing only, and that is to secure their fourth Super Bowl ring in seven years. Without that achievement, any other records they’ve earned this season become irrelevant.

p. Spurred by the attitude that they have achieved nothing to date, New England will have absolutely no trouble with a Giants team that has arrived here largely by chance. In their two postseason games, the Patriots have faced different defensive schemes. In the divisional round, the Jaguars sat back and prevented the big play, only to watch Brady pick them apart with screens and short slants on the way to yet another record-setting day.

p. A week later, the Chargers attacked the pocket, forcing Brady into throwing three interceptions, yet still were beaten for 21 points as New England used long, grinding drives to set up scores. No matter which approach the Giants select, the Patriots will have little trouble scoring and New England will coast to victory in Super Bowl XLII.

p. __E-mail Matt Poms at mbpoms@wm.edu.__

Staff Editorial: Aim high for speaker

0

Graduation is a time to reflect on four well-spent years, to remember the crackle of the Yule log in Wren on a frosty December evening and the scent of boxwoods floating across the Sunken Garden in the half-light before dusk. But more than that, graduation is a time to listen to someone really ridiculously famous talk about the future — our future.

p. Over the course of the last 20 years or so, though, three-quarters of the College’s graduation speakers have been politicos of some kind. And, while we don’t want to shortchange the work of these legislators and diplomats, maybe it’s time to hear from someone more, well, exotic.

p. The senior class agrees. Its wish list swings for the fences: J.K. Rowling, Tony Blair, Stephen Colbert, any one of whom would be an excellent choice for the 2008 graduation ceremonies.

p. To some degree the list is the result of a popularity contest — the quest for the most exciting name available — but even then, top-shelf graduation speakers hold merit beyond their ability to provide an enthralling 20 minutes. Just as year after year of local news anchors and semi-successful businessmen will fail to inspire, the power to attract superstars raises eyebrows and marks a first-class university.

p. In 2005 the College put former President Timothy J. Sullivan behind the lectern to honor his 13 years of service. We question that decision not because he was a lackluster speaker, but because graduation offers an opportunity to experience talent foreign to the school.

p. This year, the College could fall into the same trap with Sam Sadler, Vice President for Student Affairs, who will be retiring at year’s end. While we can’t help but admire Sadler’s Yule Log antics and his unwavering dedication to the College, the graduating class deserves a fresh face for this seminal moment. We encourage him, implore him even, to speak this May but not as the official graduation speaker.

p. Graduation may only be one day among four years of school, but beginnings and endings tend to remain even as the interim fades to gray. We hope the College will make the right choices to ensure this ending is one worth remembering.

Shameful Sex Show unwelcome

0

The Sex Workers’ Art Show has drawn a lot of reaction, for and against. Now that it has drawn the attention of the national media (check the Drudge Report, one of the most visited news website in the country), this is my reaction, speaking for many of us who find this show absurd to the point that one can only watch in awe at the Student Assembly’s decision-making.

p. According to the article “Student Assembly votes for sex” in the Jan. 18 issue of The Flat Hat, “some senators expressed discomfort with the show’s content, but cited the First Amendment as a reason not to stifle free speech.” Our fellow students believe that their obedience to the First Amendment requires that they tolerate the show.

p. I entreat someone to please show me where the First Amendment requires us to actively seek out, invite into our community and fund perverts and deviants. Maybe that clause is written on the back of the Constitution, to be revealed only with lemon juice and heat. People often lose sight of the fact that freedom of speech grants you the right to speak against perverts as well as in their favor.

p. These SA members have confused having a spine and protecting their values — exercising their First Amendment rights and their more fundamental right to make personal decisions they think are best for the campus — with limiting the free speech of the pornographers and pimps we have invited to our community. Opposing funding for the show in no way curtails freedom of speech. If the SA voted to condemn all activity promoting nudity or pornography on campus, that might be objectionable, then they would have a case. But this is not such a case. Rather, the issue regards inviting venues to campus that are objectionable and funding them.

p. Given recent events, the SA’s decision is even more absurd. How can the College lobby to the commonwealth of Virginia with a straight face while it is spending what it does have on burlesque pornography and glorified representations of an illegal industry? We are less than a year removed from an article that detailed how utterly pathetic our economic policy was at this school, and we continue to move in the direction of fiscal irresponsibility because of some ridiculous quasi-religious crusade against social normalcy.

p. Many have argued that the show is actually valuable. In terms of substance, I’ve heard, for example, “the point of the show is to reveal the horrible nature of the industry,” “the show represents a huge industry that makes a lot of money,” “it’s performance art” and, my favorite, “it belongs in a liberal arts education.”

p. Contrary to the first argument, the point is explicitly outlined on the SWAS website (which features pink silhouettes of men and women surrounded by the words “New Whore Order,” I might add): to “dispel the myth that [sex workers] are anything short of innovators and geniuses,” as well as to “celebrat[e] prostitutes’ rights.” In essence, it glorifies an industry that degrades women, ruins lives, is largely illegal and has been proven to increase the rate of rape and aggression in men.

p. Allowing and funding these “artists” to glorify the abuse of women on campus is inexplicable, unsupportable and tragically ironic considering the efforts of the College to educate about and prevent sexual assault.

p. It is truly shameful to see our elected members of the SA, with the firmest backing coming from our SA president, pass something as insane as this. Tit torture, ball-crushing, whip-yielding, nipple-torturing and works like “I Love Dick,” all of which are direct quotes from the show’s website, bring only shame to our campus. They have no place in the First Amendment, no place in what should be a very tight budget, and no place at a school that claims to be dedicated to treating women equally and with dignity.

p. __Brooks Amster is a sophomore at the College.__

Staying sober or drinking to remember to forget

0

As a kind of social experiment, I’ve abstained from booze since the beginning of this semester. That’s right. For just over two weeks, I haven’t had a drink. It’s relatively unimpressive, but this abstemious stint o’ mine has inspired some mini-epiphanies.

p. For starters, consider how enormous a cliche it is that college kids get drunk all the time. The bibulous youth is an archetype; in pop culture, fraternities’ high-proof hijinks are well-mined territory. Even prim grandparents are rarely shocked by our crapulousness. It’s an immutable truth: Undergraduates like to get their swerve on.

p. As tends to be the case with cliches, the statement is so irrefutable that few people pause to ask why. Sure, religious zealots might ponder it, but their answers are often caught up in Satanic temptation, moral bankruptcy and all that bunkum.
What my whopping 15 days of sobriety have suggested is this: I drink not out of any intrinsic hankering for intoxication, but to maintain a kind of catch-all excuse for aberrant behavior. That is, with my first pint in fist, I can justify almost any bizarre outbursts or actions for the remainder of the night, regardless of how ferschnickered I really am.

p. Again, this might strike you as obvious and hackneyed, but to me it’s a big deal. As a culture, we agree: drinking in excess often leads to bad decision-making. Years of melodramatic classroom videos, MADD speeches and worksheets have inculcated the danger, and it is very real. But our collective awareness of these perils radically shifts our approach to ethanol. No one beyond ourselves can experience our internal drunkenness, and we take advantage of this.

p. We all knew that girl in high school who downed a single can of Natural Light and was, within seconds, tottering into light fixtures and slurring the words “so wasted.” Part of this was the placebo effect, sure, but part of it was the girl’s awareness that she could now perform certain forbidden acts — confessing to a crush or dancing topless on a table — and get off scot-free the next a.m., blaming her lost inhibitions on 12 fluid ounces of Natty.

p. Granted her friends called bullshit because she’d had only one beer — her execution was sloppy. For whiz kid collegians like you and me, this game is plenty easier. If everyone accepts that x number of drinks will alter your consciousness, then we can quaff x+1 and voila, we’re free to indulge our propensity for the outlandish. Sometimes we’re legitimately drunk; sometimes we think we’re drunk; sometimes your guess is as good as mine. This is more than individual play-acting; it’s a clever social contract with all sorts of fine print and escape clauses and hidden stipulations.

p. Given the contract, drinking is a no-brainer. What if you could attribute your every moronic remark and risky exploit to “someone else,” the Mr. Hyde to your Dr. Jekyll? What if you knew your peers would believe you as long as you believed them?
Hangovers further complicate things. When, the day after drinking, I struggled to focus or study, I held the bottle at fault for my mental slackness. Even if I’d had just one or two libations, rationales presented themselves: Maybe I hadn’t eaten enough or maybe the drinks were stronger than I thought.

p. Staying sober ruins all that. It means conceding that I have neural defects, shortcomings and laxities with no root other than chemistry. It took me more than a week to own up to this. At first I could say, “Well, I stopped drinking. Perhaps sluggishness is a minor withdrawal symptom.”

p. The point? All this undergrad hooch-lust is more of an interpersonal complex than many folks, students or otherwise, care to admit. Hedonism is a slight motivator, but understanding why we binge-drink entails researching cultural norms and self-accountability — pinning down where the drug ends and social posturing begins.

p. We seem to need something out of life — candid or exaggerated behavioral opportunities with others — that only the ambiance of partying will provide. This is the truth and it’s not simple at all. If only our potential employers could grasp it.
Dan Piepenbring is a senior at the College.

Parting words

0

__Commencement speakers have ranged from prominent political figures to popular comedians__

p. Connie McCarthy, dean of libraries and a member of the committee that recommends graduation speakers to the Board of Visitors, remembers her daughter’s graduation in 2002 when Tennessee Sen. Lamar Alexander delivered the commencement address. Two years later, when Jon Stewart ’84 addressed the Class of 2004, McCarthy said her daughter was jealous that her younger classmates were sent out into the world by the ‘Daily Show’ host.

p. “They got to hear Jon Stewart and we had to have Lamar Alexander?” McCarthy recalled her daughter saying.

p. But Alexander is important in his own right. The Tennessee Republican was a candidate for the Republican nomination for president in 1996 and 2000. He trailed eventual Republican nominee Bob Dole in 1996, then-Texas Gov. George W. Bush and Arizona Sen. John McCain among others, in 2000. While Alexander might only appeal to the most politically savvy students, he may still represent what McCarthy says is the College’s ability to attract a group of important and diverse speakers to address the class at graduation each year.

p. “It’s really an interesting mix,” McCarthy said. “But you can’t please everybody.”

p. The recent history of College graduation speakers does represent a diverse group of leaders, with a noticeable emphasis on political figures.

p. Of the 28 speakers since 1980, six have been U.S. Cabinet secretaries, two have been U.S. Senators and six have been political observers or humorists (including Stewart). During that time, the College also hosted two foreign leaders, one governor, one Supreme Court justice, one Federal Reserve chairman, military leaders and one former U.S. president (George H.W. Bush). All but seven, or three-fourths of Commencement speakers during that time, were involved in political affairs in some way.

p. The College also appears to have had success attracting conservative speakers, with many former officials in the administrations of Republican Presidents Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush and none who were appointed by President Bill Clinton. McCarthy pointed to the makeup of the BOV, whose members were largely selected by Republican governors, as one possible explanation for this phenomenon.

p. McCarthy said that, while students and the Commencement speaker committee have a say in who they would like to ask to campus, “the BOV really chooses.”

p. Other notable speakers included U.S. Rep. Gerald Ford (R-Mich.), who addressed the class of 1968, six years before he became president. William H. Rehnquist spoke in 1977 while serving as an associate justice of the Supreme Court. Rehnquist was appointed chief justice by Reagan in 1986.

p. Ginger Ambler, the assistant vice president for student affairs (whom some speculate may succeed Sam Sadler as vice president for student affairs), has organized the initial stage of the Commencement speaker selection process since the 1992 ceremony, when James A. Baker, the secretary of state for the elder President Bush, addressed the graduating class.

p. Ambler said her role is less focused on leading the selection process and more concerned with enabling students to make their own decisions.

p. “We help students get their process started before the committee” considers the options, she said.

p. Ambler also said that she has little power in picking the speaker, but has noticed trends in what kind of speakers the College normally invites. In the end, though, the choice sometimes comes down to logistics.

p. “The College really wants to look at people who have distinguished themselves honorably in their chosen fields,” Ambler said. “But sometimes it has to do with the scheduling of that person.”

p. Ambler said that the College also tries to bring other individuals to campus at graduation who are not the official speaker. Journalist Diane Sawyer received an honorary degree in 1988, and Madeline Albright, Clinton’s secretary of state, spoke in 2001, though she wasn’t the official Commencement speaker. (John Stewart Bryan II, the grandson of a former College president, spoke that year).

p. Both McCarthy and Ambler said the best speakers are those who engage the graduates with their life stories and speaking styles.

p. “Jon Stewart was hilarious,” Ambler said. “He can be funny while also imparting some wisdom. His alumni status made him engage with the graduates in a way that was very special.”

p. Other recent speakers Ambler has enjoyed include Desmond Tutu in 2006, the year Ambler received her Ph.D., Glenn Close ’74 in 1989 and Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia in 1996.

p. For McCarthy, the best speakers also bring some sort of diversity to the podium, whether it is with their experiences or with their background, and impart upon graduates a message that will inspire them to make the world a better place.

p. “Someone who’s a change agent. Someone who promotes peace and learning in the world,” McCarthy said. “That’s the speaker I like.”

Alcohol-induced dreams trigger early biological clock

0

Last night I saw a baby at the Green Leafe. Except for some minor toy-dropping, the infant (I’m guessing seven months) and his older brother (maybe three years old) were lovely table-neighbors. I’ve always been a proponent of children as long as they’re quiet, pretty and well-behaved. Oddly enough, these bar-babies met all of my criteria. If that’s all it takes, I’ll bar-crawl through all of my child-bearing years.

p. I’m a little concerned that seeing these little angels at Pint Night made me start wanting one. This is a serious fetal alcohol syndrome problem. It doesn’t help that I’m terribly impatient and judgmental about parents. I’m not going to lie, the minute I saw a woman with a baby-carrier walk in, my eyes were so far back in my head I couldn’t even pour the skipjack.

p. I like to think that I will be spared having a terrible child just by virtue of being a pretty awesome person myself. I even think I choose moderately acceptable partners (barring the first three semesters of college, so, uh, I chose one good one). Still, I ponder all of the complications. I just don’t want my kid to be a total loser.

p. I suppose I’m thinking about family planning against the background of senior year engagement madness. Plus, so much of my mental energy is used for life planning these days. Between juggling jobs, potential cities and apartment searches, certain baby-related details keep coming up. I’m forced to consider how healthcare choices vary, maternity leave practices are archaic, cities are child-friendly — everything matters. Whether or not I’m ever, ever going to squeeze one out. Ew.

p. So I start to think about the what-ifs. When would I let my child drink? Do I want to trek to Little League, ballet, travel soccer and piano? Am I going to age gracefully or try to hang with my kids? I’m not talking Botox and lifts (though that’s not out of the question), but about Juicy tracksuits and Uggs. Here are a few commandments I hope to follow:

p. — I will not disturb the diners/moviegoers/people in line/subway riders with my noisy child. I hope that I have angelic children, but in the likely event that I won’t, I refuse to be the person I judge today. My kid will be shushed, I will apologize and then we’ll leave.

p. — I will not film my birth. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to see Ricki Lake’s birth documentary. It was showing at several New York movie theaters over break, and I can’t imagine the kind of sales pitch the distribution company had to give.

p. — I will not act like I don’t have kids. The worst parents are the ones who feel entitled to live just as they did before children. Oh yeah, let’s bring Junior to the opera! We paid for these tickets, our little screamer deserves to be here just as much as anybody else. Don’t get me started.

p. – Finally, I will not create another monster child.

p. I know there are more important things to worry about — thesis, graduation, jobs — but that’s far too real and scary. While nothing is scarier than birthing a terrible child, at least I can decide not to have one. Or at least wait until I forget about my commandments.

p. __Charlotte Savino is a Confusion Corner columnist. Her children will be drop dead gorgeous … or else.__

FASA sings, dances the night away

0

Given every ounce of sweat, dedication and enthusiasm displayed by the members of the Filipino-American Student Association at each rehearsal, it is no surprise that their upcoming Filipino Culture Night will combine the effects of hard work, creativity and pure entertainment.

p. Tomorrow at 5:30 p.m., FASA will perform “Bayani: A Filipino Journey,” a play featuring the traditional and modern dance of Filipino culture. Written and directed by the Culture Night co-chairs, Rob Landicho ’08 and Tamara Peterson ’09, the play tells the story of a young black, half-African-American male who explores his Filipino culture in order to get a better sense of his own identity and cultural roots.

p. The story uses dance and traditions to express may aspects of the story. Anthony Elopre ’08, the co-president of FASA, discussed the significance of the play’s choreography, coordinated by the members. “We try to showcase traditional dances from the Philippines — a main way that people can appreciate Filipino culture,” he said. “Generally, from these cultural events, a lot can be conveyed through dance. There can be language barriers surrounding the culture, but anyone can appreciate dance.”

p. Elopre emphasized the cultural bearing of the play’s origins. “We made the play relevant to issues concerning both Filipinos in the Philippines and the U.S. Our play is inspired by both our co-chairs’ experiences,” he said.

p. Peterson came up with the play’s premise, while Landicho assisted with its direction. “Anyone who watches it will think it’s about my brother, since I’m half-Filipino, half-black,” she said. “I wanted to portray the fusion of both cultures helping to shape one’s identity. I take a lot from knowing about the Filipino culture, which is highly influenced by Spanish, Japanese and American cultures. The Philippines were colonized by these countries. Rob had a really big part in writing the play and the direction if it.”

p. The performance highlights traditional dance, using music, singing and tribal costumes. “One of our signature dances is the ‘Tinikling,’” Elopre said. This intricate routine involves nimble movements with bamboo sticks and fast-paced, highly coordinated footwork. “The tribal dances expose vast cultural influences that stem from Filipino history, including Muslim, Spanish, as well as modern and hip-hop influences.” The Spanish-influenced “Pandanggo,” another dance featured in the play, originated during Spain’s colonization of the Philippines.

p. “Arnis” will be another featured performance, which “involves two bamboo sticks and an intricate form of martial arts,” R.J. Gomez ’10, who coordinated the performance, said. “The performer uses bamboo sticks to take down his opponents. Seeing everyone come together and work together is remarkable. Everything flows together, so the end product is something that people will want to see. That’s why FASA is one of the few culture shows that people really anticipate.”

p. Tyler Hudgens ’09, who plays the title character of Bayani, seconded Gomez’s sentiment. “Everyone on the set had really good chemistry. I hope it all comes together, with all the three-hour practices,” he said.

p. Be sure to arrive with an empty stomach and willing palate, because Filipino cuisine, including pork, vegetarian food and rice, will be a mouth-watering draw for spectators interested in a tantalizing mix of culture and taste. Tickets are $8 in advance and $10 at the door.

p. “I just hope that people will come and enjoy themselves and get interested in learning more about our culture,” Elopre said. “And for those who aren’t familiar, they’ll learn something new.”
The cast hopes all their hard work will pay off. “Ultimately, we put this show on to educate people in an entertaining way. Hopefully the audience will appreciate that,” Carling Sitterley ’08, co-president of FASA, said.

WGA writer explains strike

0

After four months of marching picket lines, TV writer and producer Aaron Peters ’95, a Writers’ Guild of America member for eight years, is exhausted. Last night, he gave a lecture entitled “Can Writers Take Control? The Writers Strike, New Media and the Possibilities for Writer-Produced Content,” he laid out the ideology of the strike, stressing the hurt the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers plans to put on the 10,500 guild members.

p. The stress of securing income is nothing new for writers. At any given time, “half the members of the WGA are unemployed. Everyone is basically a hustler,” Peters said. For the bulk of the guild, residuals mean food on the table. Guild members demand the residuals from the perpetuation of their creations — TV reruns, continued retail sales and, increasingly, the streaming and downloading of content over the internet. Four months without income is tough for any family to weather; some writers face the threat of losing their homes, while others were unable to afford Christmas gifts for their children.

p. The strike, however, has not been entirely dreadful. Peters has met more writers in the past four months than he has in his entire life. Mandatory daily marches of two to four hours have forced writers out of their workspaces and into an elbow-to-elbow community of fellow strikers. Fans and actors as well have joined the marches in support. According to Peters, fans of the hit Sci-Fi series “Battlestar Galactica” seem the most ardent, flying in from all over the country to support their favorite show’s creators, picking their brains as they shuffle.

p. Fortunately for us, Peters thinks the guild should reach a settlement by February 24, the day of the 2008 Academy Awards. He says everyone — writers, networks and the public — want to see the Oscars run as planned. “It would be a shame for the tradition of the Academy Awards to fade away as the result of this strike.”

That Girl: Laura Ferrell

0

Laura Ferrell’s composed, gentle and motherly personality reminds me of the Laura Ingalls Wilder character from the “Little House on the Prairie” series. They are also both witty and committed to their respective causes. Instead of hailing from Kansas however, this Laura is from the nearby Richmond area where she grew up with her parents and an older sister. And as Laura describes to me her love of lying in bed reading a good Virginia Woolf novel, I am taken back to “Little House of the Prairie,” only this time, it is a different Laura I see curled up inside a log cabin with a fire crackling in the background.

p. **Can you explain to me a little bit about Sexual Assault Peer Advocates and why you wanted to be so involved?**

p. Yes, actually getting involved in SAPA has been one of my highlights at the College. It is, by far, the organization that I am most proud of or my proudest accomplishment. It’s fairly new and I am the co-chair of it this year. It’s really fun to get going and to try and get all the kinks worked out. The group is definitely blossoming right now, and we’re working to improve it, but that also proves to be a challenge because there are no precedents. And while that can be a challenge, it also presents the opportunity to make SAPA the best that we can. I’m really happy that William and Mary has an organization like it and that we have administrators who have been so supportive of it.

p. **So, as co-chair, what is your role or responsibility within the organization?**

p. Well that’s another thing we’re working on. It is a brand new position because the organization is only a year old. Right now I am specifically in charge of PR and I work with Brett Rector, my co-chair, and Trisha to do training, continuing education and protocol. We are the first back-ups if there are any problems or things like that. I’m creating the first co-chair binder and trying to set what the position and even organization will be like in the future.

p. Ideally, how would you envision the organization in the future?
The students trust our confidentiality and our resources. I would love to see the entire campus — freshmen to seniors, as well as professors — being able to rely on it as a wonderful resource and one that’s reliable and confidential whether they are right in the middle of a crisis or it was something that happened 10 years ago and they just now feel comfortable enough to call and get help. We’re really trying to get our name out because that is definitely the first step. People need to know we are there and exist before they can feel safe enough to call.

p. **Have you done anything like this in the past?**

p. Last semester I trained to work at Avalon, the battered women’s shelter in Williamsburg. I don’t have a car right now, so I actually just set up my transportation and I am going to be working there two to three times a week. It is wonderful — they are a very well organized and relatively well-funded organization … although like many others, could always use more money. The people that volunteer there are also great and just really sweet.

p. **Is this involvement something you see yourself wanting to continue after college?**

p. Right now, my plans for after college are to go to graduate school for social work. I really want to get involved at a shelter for women, children and survivors of sexual assault. I have gotten a lot of education during my time here and the more I learn, the more I see just how much individuals can help. I have met a lot of men and women who work in the field and seeing the types of rewards it can bring really attracts me to it. I’m really passionate about it and I want it to be more than just a dream. One day I want to work as a counselor at a shelter. I’m applying to graduate schools now, so I’m on my way.

p. **If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?**

p. Ah, there are so many places. Oh, can I name two … please? I really want to go to Prague because I’ve heard so many great things about it and, I hate to say it, but have always kind of overlooked Eastern Europe. I heard it’s just beautiful. I would also love to go to Ireland. My sister’s fiance is from there and I have a lot of friends who traveled there for the William and Mary summer program. The stories they have and pictures they took from there are amazing. The summer after graduation I’m hoping to get to both of those places.

p. **Have you already started saving up?**

p. Yes, me and my boyfriend Graham have a jar and we put all of our loose change or any change we find in there. We started in the fall, and after we sold our textbooks back, we put that money in, too. It’s just an entire tub of change. We’ve saved about $200 so far so I guess that’s a couple of meals in Europe. We’re hoping to have enough in a year because we want to go when Graham graduates. I’m that kid on campus who picks up those pennies that other kids ignore. I’m not ashamed. Tell people to drop more coins on the ground so I can pick them up.

p. **What is one thing about you that few others, if any, know?**

p. Not a lot of people know that I used to tap dance. Actually, I took modern, jazz and tap. Tap and modern were my favorites though. I miss them a lot. When I see a movie with dancing or with a studio in it, I still have dreams about dancing. When I go to the gym, I choreograph in my head while I’m working out. It’s always to the beats of Avril Lavigne because she’s the only person I’ll listen to while I work out. I’m pretty embarrassed about that.
That can’t be the most embarrassing thing about you.

p. No, I have a lot of embarrassing Laura stories. One of my worst though was probably this one time when I was at the Rec Center and my Soffe shorts ripped in the back. I didn’t realize it and I worked out for about an hour with a gaping hole in the back. What’s worse is that I wasn’t wearing underwear that would cover it up. And I was on the elliptical so I can only imagine how much I was flashing everyone. I found out after and pretty much ran out of the Rec.

Showcase your sexual statistics

0

While many seniors have a good idea of their career situation come graduation, many of us — especially underclassman — may not yet have experience applying for jobs.

p. From casual meetings to official interviews, first impressions are everything, and a killer resume is your key to success. But I’m not here to get you a job; I’m here to get you laid (or into a relationship). Our lesson for today: how to perfect your own sexual resume.

p. The concept is the same as the business. The first impression may make or break your chances, so think about what you want them to know about you.

p. The first challenge is to determine your objective. What are you looking for? Put this out there plainly: “I am a [gender], looking for a [gender] to be my [casual screw, cuddle buddy, soulmate].”

p. Once the other party knows what you want from them, show them why you’re the best for the job. You’ll want to consider what activities you talk about, and what they say about you — it could make all the difference in the world. If a guy introduces himself as a member of the cheerleading squad, that gives a very different impression than a girl who introduces herself as the sex columnist for the Flat Hat. That’s why I’d avoid simply spitting out a list of activities when you’re first getting to know a potential interest.

p. Talk about who you are, not what you do. You’re not trying to hide the type of person you are; on the contrary, you’re allowing the person to really get to know you before they pass judgments.
If it gets to the point in the conversation where old flames come up, keep it positive. This isn’t the time or place to gush about how horrible the breakup was and how you’re using this to try to get over it.

p. Your date isn’t there to provide therapy; we have services on campus for that. Unless you plan on having a very emo relationship, avoid starting off the first date by weeping. Instead of saying, “I don’t know how many people that jackass slept with while we were together,” perhaps instead say, “We really didn’t discuss exclusivity, and I guess we wanted different things.”

p. Once you start getting to know each other more intimately, deeper conversations and sharing can bring you closer. Burdening someone at the beginning with all of your relationship baggage will likely scare off any prospective partner.

p. Now comes the juicy part of every resume: your experience. There are a variety of ways to handle this information when asked and your choice depends on your relationship goal. Don’t bring up any experience that you don’t want to repeat, or anything that you don’t think you would be willing to do regularly. If you’re not very experienced and you’re looking to get some, make sure they know that. Avoid being blunt or crude, but casual body language can get your point across clearly. If you regret being an experienced veteran, let the other person know that you want to take it slow, and be sure to stick to it.

p. Taking a marketing class could definitely help you with the overall feel of your sexual resume. Make sure the other person sees you as you want them to, and this isn’t simply about how you act in their presence because word travels fast. If you’re a bitch who burned your last significant other’s mattress, it’s going to get around.

p. Hopefully your past indiscretions aren’t as bad as that, but when your name comes up in other conversations, what do you think will be said about you? Spending your first date on the — attempting to do damage control is an exhausting way to start out. If you know of a certain widespread rumor, you should either try to nip it in the bud by diffusing the accusations, or let your actions speak for you by being such a good person that your date would never think the rumors were true. Remember, as frustrating as it is, building a reputation takes a lifetime; tearing it down takes a moment.

p. __Emily Powell is the Flat Hat sex columnist. She has an impressive list of references.__