As a dedicated eavesdropper both here and in the world at large, I’ve noticed a disconcerting tendency we have to speak in absolutes.

p. Walk the perimeter of the Sunken Garden or sit outside the Daily Grind and you’re apt to hear something like, “It was the best party ever;” “Definitely one of the worst movies of all time;” “I hate Rhonda with all of my soul and think she should go off and die in a muddy ditch somewhere, bitter and alone, virginity intact.” All of which makes yours truly want to ask: Wherefore the hyperbole, friends? Where has the nuance in our use of language gone? And what sort of parents name their kid Rhonda?

p. Imagine, just for the sake of argument, that people are analogous to faucets. There are two makes of faucet on the market. The first has a pair of distinct handles, one to dispense hot water, the other, cold; the second has only one handle, which swivels to the left and right to facilitate an entire spectrum of temperatures.

p. You and I and all of our contemporaries are the former kind of faucet ­— emitting only scalding or frigid emotive water and not all too interested in attempting to blend them. As social creatures, this bodes poorly for us.

p. Language is a real bitch, if you’ll excuse my crassness. It exists so that we can inflict, with at least minimal efficacy, our consciousnesses on other consciousnesses. People are incalculably complex, and our experiences are both multifaceted and multivalent. We want to convey to other people exactly how we feel — we want to express ourselves. So it is that we learn words and junk.

p. Even if we all memorized the Oxford English Dictionary — and some have tried — this would be a Herculean task. It’s hard to articulate, with 100 percent precision, your views on a given subject — even if that subject is yourself. But when we start to use only the most exaggerated and extreme words and phrases, self-expression becomes ineffectual and trivial.

p. Was the party last weekend really “the best,” or was it merely enjoyable? Do you honestly hate Rhonda and want her dead, or do you just sort of dislike spending time with her? When we toss around absolutes with such reckless abandon, the gradations of our experiences become impossible to recognize. Language is one of our few communicatory assets. We’re robbing it of its already meager strength. We risk seeing the world in black and white. Really. Not even grayscale. I mean the darkest of blacks or the blankest of whites, greatest or worst, loved or hated, never or for all time.

p. It’s crucial to wonder, at this juncture, whether we overuse absolutes just because it’s easy and commonplace or because we’re genuinely feeling only absolutes — i.e. the party really does register with us as the single best gathering we have ever attended in the duration of our lives, ever. Furthermore, it’s important to note that even if previous postmodern generations have had their own slang (think of the ’50s with its “gee whiz,” or the ’60s with “far out” and “right on”) we are the first, I think, to encounter a knotty absolutism pervading our conversations. What might this mean about the types of lives we lead, about the burdens of today’s commercial and technocratic culture? Should those of us who treasure the subtleties of written and oral contact just putter around and hope that we grow out of it by the time we hit 30?

p. I’ll admit it: I believe we should strive to become more reserved and delicate in our use of language. We should become that other, superior brand of faucet. I don’t like to edify or preach, but I can’t see how our conscious abandonment of absolutes would be anything less than beneficial — conducive to rewarding relationships, broadening in its ability to make us perceive and appreciate complexity. It would be an all-around super thing.

p. No need to rush out to the bookstore and spend our leisure hours prepping to debut words like “sesquipedalian” or “chiaroscuro” in casual conversation. (Potentially irrelevant corollary: Personally, I’ve always desired a ridiculously comprehensive vocabulary, dating back to the first grade when I learned the word “determined” and felt like I deserved some sort of kiddie Nobel Prize. Whether my vocab-lust makes me geeky or curious or elitist or smidgens of the three depends on who you ask.) But being more precise, more careful with our diction, is a quick and easy way to become better communicators. And the gift of communication, as it turns out, really could be the greatest gift ever.

p. __Dan Piepenbring is a Confusion Corner columnist. He reads the OED for fun.__

**1931**
The College added to the department of aviation by allowing 33 students to enroll in flight class with the possibility adding more spots. The College owned two open cockpit planes. Work in the department consisted of ground school training, which was worth four hours of credit and actual flight instruction, for which no credit was awarded. The courses were taught by an Air Force colonel.

p. **1964**
The assistant dean of the College announced that maid services in women’s dormitories were to be discontinued in individual rooms. The service was still available in community areas. This was also the first year during which room keys were issued.

p. **1971**
Students accused of honor code violations were given the opportunity to appear before a joint council of men and women to present their cases. In past years, councils of their own genders tried them. This change came after a series of referenda designed to produce more consistent results of the trials.

p. **1981**
A new chapter of the Delta Gamma sorority was chartered at the College. It was the 110th chapter of Delta Gamma. The sorority was founded at the Lewis School for Girls in Mississippi and headquartered in Ohio.

**16 feet**
The deepest part of Lake Matoaka. The average depth of the lake is over six feet.

p. **1,032**
The number of calories that are in a bacon cheeseburger with onion rings from the Marketplace.

p. **6 feet**
The average height of young Dutch males, which is the tallest country in the world. American men are the ninth tallest in the world.

p. **22.5**
The number of black-and-white pages that the fastest commercial printer can print each second. That equals 1,350 pages per minute.

p. **65**
The factor by which flying is safer than driving over an equal distance, according to researchers Michael Sivak and Michael Flannagan in The American Scientist.

This Tuesday, demolition teams began work on the former Sentara Community Hospital, which is being torn down to make space for a new School of Education building.

p. The College has been working on plans to buy the Monticello Avenue property since 2005 and anticipates that construction on the new School of Education facility will be completed in 2010.
Currently, the School of Education operates out of Jones Hall, a building with only a quarter of the amount of space deemed necessary to accommodate all of the school’s programs and faculty.

p. According to several press releases, the cost to renovate the old hospital is similar to the cost of constructing an entirely new building. In fact, studies commissioned by the College to investigate the issue of whether to renovate or to rebuild say that it would take six months longer to renovate the hospital than it would to rebuild. Demolition of the hospital should be finished in November and construction of the new building is planned to begin in 2008.

p. “The future $48-million facility will allow the school to expand its outreach programs in the region and enable all of the school’s classes, programs and faculty to work together under one roof,” Brian Whitson, the College’s director of news services, said.
Many programs stand to benefit from the larger facility, but the school’s Center for Gifted Education in particular has had to make do with insufficient space to operate their programs. The center offers two summer programs that cater to teachers as well as a summer enrichment program that is attended by hundreds of children. According to a 2006 press release, these summer programs will benefit from additional classroom space.

p. The new School of Education building will be designed by Sasaki Associates, Inc., a firm that has already designed several other buildings for the College. The new building will be 109,000 square feet.

p. Whitson says that the College does not expect demolition of the former hospital to interfere with student parking on Monticello Avenue.

__State budget cuts could cost College $3.6 million__

The College placed a temporary freeze on hiring in response to Gov. Tim Kaine’s request that the College cut 7.5 percent of its state funding allocation. The College is required to submit a proposal by Sept. 10 to the state detailing a plan of how to make the proposed cuts.

p. “We put a temporary freeze in place to ensure maximum flexibility between now and Sept. 10,” the College’s Vice President of the Finance Office, Sam Jones said. “No decision has been made as to if this freeze will continue post Sept. 10, and if continued, in what form.”

p. To help counteract a predicted $641 million state budget deficit, Kaine has requested that the College, the University of Virginia and Virginia Tech, the three state universities with increased independence from the state, cut 7.5 percent of their state funding. All other government agencies have been asked to cut 5 percent.

p. According to Jones, the small amount of time existing between Kaine’s request and the Sept. 10 deadline has not allowed the College to decide what specific programs are going to be affected by the cut.

p. “Given the short turnaround, our plan is likely to be a series of general categories (free or limit hiring, limit equipment purchases, defer or slow action on selected projects and the like),” he said.
Jones estimated that the 7.5 percent loss will end up being about $3.6 million. He added that since the school year has already begun, the College’s ability to respond is limited and will probably translate to some impact on services.

p. Student Assembly President Zach Pilchen ’09, who was asked to sit in on a meeting with the Faculty Priorities Committee, said that currently administrators are trying to formulate specific plans to deal with the cuts.

p. Documents handed out at the meeting indicating parameters for the cuts suggest “‘spread[ing] the pain’ but do not make across the board cuts” and taking action that focuses on the current year, not long-term reductions. They also stress that they want to pass as little of the budget problem on to students as possible.

p. Instead of cuts across the board, faculty at the meeting suggested cutting funds to auxiliary services that do not receive any state funding, such as dining services, or cutting back on various services at the College, including IT and decreasing hours at Swem Library. Other programs suggested to incur cuts were various athletic programs and the semester in Washington, D.C. program.

p. The other main suggestion was a surcharge between $300 and $500 to be added to student bills next semester.

p. The hiring freeze was proposed as an immediate, short-term response until a more permanent plan is formed.

p. “It’s worth pointing out that the whole budget gap [wouldn’t exist] if Richmond passed the gas tax, but now students may have to pay $500 to keep the library open,” Pilchen said.

p. According to Kathleen Kincheloe, assistant director of communications for the State Council of Higher Education of Virginia, all the state universities have a contingency plan that they have submitted to the state responding to various funding scenarios. She said that she had faith in the good contingency plans and stressed that the College would still receive more than 90 percent of state its funding.

p. Pilchen said that the College did discuss the “rainy day fund” at the meeting, but as of now, no decision has been made about how the College will make up for the $3.6 million dollar loss. All discussion is still in the preliminary stages.

p. Pilchen said at the meeting that he stressed the importance of making sure the cuts do not affect financial aid programs or student activities. He said that the SA and FUPC were interested in ensuring that the student body has input on the decisions being made.

p. SA Vice President Valerie Hopkins said she hopes that students will be actively involved in communicating their issues to the administration for the best possible outcome.

p. “What’s sad is this shows where the governor’s priorities really are,” she said.

p. Until more news is handed down about the nature of the budget cuts, specific information about program cuts will be unavailable.

p. “We have been warned that some level of reduction may become permanent,” Jones said. “Dealing with a longer term, more permanent reduction will require additional planning and campus discussion.”

p. Jones said that based on what they have heard from the secretary of education, the College is assuming that the cuts will carry into future years.

p. Kincheloe said that if permanent budget cuts do take place, there is a strong chance that there will be an increase in tuition and fees at state universities.

p. Last year, across all state universities, tuition and mandatory fees increased 6.5 percent for in-state students.

p. She stressed that all state agencies would have to shoulder some of the burden from the budget deficit.

p. “Nothing is set in stone yet,” she said. “[This] is probably the last thing the Gov. wants to do.”

p. She added that legislators often view higher education as in a better position to respond to cuts than other state organizations that do not have the ability to fundraise.

p. “One of the things that is sadly true [is that] when legislators have to make these decisions, higher education is in a position to make more money,” she said.

p. Jones and Kincheloe both stressed that no permanent decisions have been made as of yet.

p. “Our highest priority is to protect the classroom experience, particularly if the proposed reduction is permanent,” Jones said.

__Philosophy dept. stifled by Arts & Sci. Dean__

Documents obtained by The Flat Hat reveal that an external review team of professors across the nation highly criticized the College’s philosophy department for numerous debilitating problems, including hostile environments for junior and women faculty members, large course loads, a lack of direction and the inability to retain new hires.

p. Of the department’s environment, the team concluded, “The atmosphere is poisoned.” The documents also reveal that members of the administration may have consciously bypassed or ignored the established procedures for handling the external review, including disenfranchising the department.

p. The external review, which was part of a regular review process, was conducted by four outside professors. The philosophy department was one of three departments up for review this year, along with religious studies and classical studies. The team consisted of two religious studies professors, Jodi Magness of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Benjamin Wright of Lehigh University; one classical studies professor, Christopher Faraone of the University of Chicago; and one philosophy professor, Nicholas White of the University of California at Irvine.

p. The other two departments received positive reviews, but when it came to philosophy, the board had a litany of criticisms.
The report begins by praising the academic quality of the department, noting the respected senior faculty and promising junior faculty and citing the department’s “great potential.”

p. However, the report then states that the department is divided among seniority lines in which “senior faculty seem to have formed an alliance or bloc that pushes their agenda.” According to the report, this has created a number of administrative problems related to hiring, evaluation, promotion and retention.

p. “The department’s attitude is particularly hostile to women, and some faculty observed that women seem to be mistreated,” the report states. It adds that of the 12 faculty members, only two are women, and one is leaving at the end of this year for personal reasons.

p. The report also accuses ex-department chair Noah Lemos of personally making decisions that used to be handled by committees, such as matters concerning curriculum.
The review team decided that extreme measures were needed to counter what they considered a dire situation.

p. “Under these circumstances, the members of the review team agree that there is no choice but to recommend that the department [be] placed in [receivership],” the report concludes. “The new chair should be an external appointment at the rank of Full Professor. The review team recommends that the Philosophy Department remain in receivership until it is functioning normally and the hostile atmosphere (especially for junior faculty and women) has been eliminated.”

p. “The most serious problem facing the department lies in the fact that serious and open discussion of central matters of program and personnel seem not to be going on at all, and conditions favorable to it seem not to exist,” White wrote in an opinion separate from the official report.

p. White also commented on the seriousness of receivership.

p. “This kind of intervention should be undertaken only with the greatest hesitation, when all else has failed,” he said. “But it may well be called for in this instance, since it may well be that adequate departmental deliberations cannot be brought about in any other way.”

p. Carl Strikwerda, the dean of Arts and Sciences and the administrator in administration may have consciously bypassed or ignored the established procedures for handling the external review, including disenfranchising the department.

p. The external review, which was part of a regular review process, was conducted by four outside professors. The philosophy department was one of three departments up for review this year, along with religious studies and classical studies. The team consisted of two religious studies professors, Jodi Magness of the University of North Carolina — Chapel Hill and Benjamin Wright of Lehigh University; one classical studies professor, Christopher Faraone of the University of Chicago; and one philosophy professor, Nicholas White of the University of California — Irvine.

p. The other two departments received positive reviews, but when it came to philosophy, the board had a litany of criticisms.
The report begins by praising the academic quality of the department, noting the respected senior faculty and promising junior faculty and citing the department’s “great potential.” However, the report then states that the department is divided among seniority lines in which “senior faculty seem to have formed an alliance or bloc that pushes their agenda.” According to the report, this has created a number of administrative problems related to hiring, evaluation, promotion and retention.

p. “The department’s attitude is particularly hostile to women, and some faculty observed that women seem to be mistreated,” the report states. It adds that of the 12 faculty members, only two are women, and one is leaving at the end of this year for personal reasons.

p. The report also accuses ex-department chair Noah Lemos of personally making decisions that used to be handled by committees, such as matters concerning curriculum.

p. The review team decided that extreme measures were needed to counter what they considered a dire situation.

p. “Under these circumstances, the members of the review team agree that there is no choice but to recommend that the department [be] placed in [receivership],” the report concludes. “The new chair should be an external appointment at the rank of full professor. The review team recommends that the philosophy department remain in receivership until it is functioning normally and the hostile atmosphere (especially for junior faculty and women) has been eliminated.”

p. “The most serious problem facing the department lies in the fact that serious and open discussion of central matters of program and personnel seem not to be going on at all, and conditions favorable to it seem not to exist,” White wrote in an opinion separate from the official report.

p. White also commented on the seriousness of receivership.
“This kind of intervention should be undertaken only with the greatest hesitation, when all else has failed,” he said. “But it may well be called for in this instance, since it may well be that adequate departmental deliberations cannot be brought about in any other way.”

p. Carl Strikwerda, the dean of arts and sciences and the administrator in charge of the review process and departments, decided that the report was serious enough to warrant bypassing the established College protocol for this situation. In June, he removed Lemos as chair and brought in Terry Meyers, an English professor, to handle the administrative duties of the department. Lemos has remained in his teaching role.

p. College President Gene Nichol knew of the situation but was not involved.

p. “The provost, Geoff Feiss, informed me that Dean Strikwerda was changing the leadership in the philosophy department.” Nichol told The Flat Hat in an e-mail. “So I was informed of it, but not involved in the decision.”

p. Feiss confirmed that he had briefed Nichol and that Nichol responded, “Well, you’re the provost.” He added that Nichol was not involved in the decision.

p. In a letter to the Board of Visitors, philosophy professors Paul Davies and George Harris asked for “emergency relief from a process poisoned by its prejudice and pernicious in its continuing effects on the reputations of distinguished faculty members.” They also noted that they were appealing the decision to the BOV because they could not get “timely redress” within College channels.

p. As reported in last Friday’s Flat Hat, Davies and Harris were cited by the review team as a problem for the department because of their refusal to participate in the search for new hires. They feel that junior faculty should no longer vote on hiring matters, claiming that the change would protect the junior faculty and raise the standard of excellence.

p. What the professors are most upset about is that the report was released before the department or anyone in it was informed of its existence or given a chance to respond. This is in direct violation of the established College rules, which state that the entire review packet, including a response from the department, must be released together.

p. “By callously releasing a report with unsubstantiated charges without prior opportunity for rebuttal by those accused, the administration, particularly the dean of Arts and Sciences and the Provost, have not only put in jeopardy the careers and reputations of several distinguished faculty but also the honorable reputation of this College,” Davies and Harris said in their letter to the BOV.
Letters of protest from Lemos and another philosophy professor, James Harris, were unanswered by the administration. They posited that receivership was unwarranted given the lack of opportunity for a response from the department and demanded that the proper process be followed.

p. However, a letter from Strikwerda to Meyers dated Aug. 20 reveals that the administration was not going to allow any departmental response whatsoever.

p. “I believe that the first priority for you as the chair and for the department as a whole is to address the issues of governance and mentoring,” Strikwerda said. “Consequently, with the approval of the provost, I am suspending the department’s requirement to respond to the external reviewers’ reports.”

p. The future of the department and its position are unclear. Some fear that receivership may further break apart the already fragile department and drive away any new hires. Others are worried about the negative impact on students. Still others fear that this is merely some sort of retaliation, possibly because of the alleged mistreatment of faculty. Anti-Nichol activists have pointed out that Meyers was one of the coauthors of a Faculty Assembly petition last fall calling for generic support of Nichol, and that Lemos was one of two faculty members to vote against it.
Feiss noted that the problems facing the department may take time to fix.

p. “The likelihood is Professor Meyers is likely to be there for a year or two to help with transition,” he said, adding that a long-term replacement would then be chosen.

p. Strickwerda could not be reached for comment at press time.