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A Cuff Above: Cuff carves up the Tribe for 7 scores

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August 31, 2007

The 11,639 in attendance last night were treated to the Omar Cuff Show, as the senior University of Delaware running back torched the Tribe defense for a total of seven touchdowns, six of them rushing and one receiving. It will take a minor miracle for Cuff not to be on an NFL roster this time next year, as a back with his speed, vision and power will be hard to pass over, even if he does come from a lesser football program. The NFL scout sitting two seats down from me during the game serves as proof enough that the runner is on the radar of teams around the league.

p. While Cuff is an exceptional player, the Tribe defense should still be concerned with their performance. In addition to Cuff running wild throughout the game (finishing with 244 yards rushing on 30 carries), the defense couldn’t defend a screen pass the entire game and were consistently overmatched in short yardage situations. The talent of this young unit is apparent, however, as they showed plenty of energy and laid more than a few nasty hits on their opponents. Their performance is likely to improve when they don’t have to face a runner of Cuff’s caliber.

p. As a whole, the offense was impressive. Junior Jake Phillips put on a good showing at the quarterback position, finishing with _____ yards on _ of _ passing. His footwork was excellent as he made several nifty moves to avoid the defensive pressure that came at him much of the game. He threw a couple of dangerous passes, and he failed to get the ball out quickly enough to junior wideout D.J. McAulay in the end zone on their first possession, but for the most part he was accurate, a playmaker and very much in control of the offense. Graduated running back Elijah Brooks’ absence was felt very strongly in this game, as the College failed to establish a power running attack.

p. One of the biggest bright spots for the Tribe this game has to be the amount of athletes the Tribe has at its disposal on the offensive side of the ball. Senior tight end Drew Atchison overcame a couple of early drops to provide a reliable, big (6’7”) target for Phillips. Junior running back DeBrian Holmes and McAulay are both very dangerous in the open field, as is redshirt freshman running back Courtland Marriner, who surprised with some electrifying moves, including one kickoff return during which he shook off a monster hit and sped down the sideline up past the 40-yard line.

p. As difficult as it is to remain optimistic following a game in which they gave up seven touchdowns, the Tribe has plenty of hope to fall back on. This is a young team at almost every position, particularly on the defensive side of the ball, and it is likely that this squad will need a few weeks of game action to get their feet wet. Next up on their schedule is a road contest with Virginia Military Institute Sept. 1, followed by a home night game against Liberty University. If they can win both matchups with these traditionally-poor programs (although Liberty nearly stole a game from the College last season), put on a respectable showing in what will almost certainly be a loss in the Sept. 22 Virginia Tech game, the College will be in decent shape at 2-2 heading into the meat of their conference schedule. With the talent they have, the Tribe should be able to use a little experience and confidence to raise their play to another level. Just maybe not quite to the level of Omar Cuff.

A Cuff Above: Runner’s record-setting effort blows past Tribe

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August 31, 2007

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The Tribe’s season opener lacked suspense but more than made up for it in fireworks, as the University of Delaware defeated the College 49-31 in a record-setting shootout under the lights at Zable Stadium.

p. Preseason All-American running back Omar Cuff lived up to his billing, as the Delaware senior used a combination of quickness and power to exploit the Tribe’s young defense for 296 total yards and seven total touchdowns, setting CAA records for rushing touchdowns, total touchdowns, and total points in the process. Cuff’s performance also tied the NCAA Football Championship Subdivision record for total touchdowns.

p. “Cuff is a very good back,” Tribe head coach Jimmye Laycock said. “When you put [Cuff] against a defense that has to grow up a little bit and get older and more mature and more physical … we tried everything we could.”

p. The Tribe’s defense appeared up to the task of stopping Cuff early on, as the College forced Delaware to punt on their first possession. But the game slipped away from the Tribe as the Blue Hens found their stride on offense immediately afterward, scoring touchdowns on their ensuing seven possessions.

p. “The difference in the game was Delaware’s strength and physicalness up front,” Laycock said. “They controlled the line of scrimmage and our defense. Once they did that, we were playing catch up all night.”

p. The College looked sharp and polished on their first possession of the season as junior quarterback Jake Phillips marched an efficient Tribe offense to Delaware’s three yard line, where the drive stalled. Sophomore kicker Brian Pate nailed a 20-yard field goal, the first of his career, to give the Tribe an early 3-0 advantage. The drive, which covered 83 yards on 20 plays, was the Tribe’s longest drive of the past two seasons, eating up 8:30 of clock while keeping the potent Blue Hen offense on the sidelines.

p. Phillips, who emerged as the Tribe’s starting quarterback following an off-season of uncertainty concerning the position, set a Tribe single-game record with 433 passing yards. Phillips’ performance was highlighted by a 50 yard touchdown pass to senior tight end Drew Atchison on the Tribe’s opening possession of the second half. Atchison’s grab pulled the Tribe within 11 points, but the College’s defense failed to hold Delaware, as the Blue Hens responded by marching right back down the field for another score.

p. “We had some opportunities which we couldn’t cash in on but we were moving the ball pretty well,” Laycock said.

p. Pate missed a 35-yard field goal at the end of the first half and the Tribe failed to get any points out of a trip to the Delaware red zone midway through the third quarter. On fourth and goal from Delaware’s 14 yard line, Laycock elected to go for the touchdown. Phillips delivered a strike down the middle to streaking junior wide receiver D.J. McAulay, but the ball sailed just out of McAulay’s reach.

p. “It wasn’t a bad [pass],” Laycock said. “If [McAulay] had busted through the coverage, which is what [Phillips] was thinking he was going to do, we would have had it.”

p. McAulay led the Tribe receivers with seven catches for 162 yards and a touchdown in senior wide receiver Joe Nicholas’ absence. Nicholas missed the game due to an injury but is expected to be ready for next week’s contest against VMI. Atchison caught six balls for 139 yards and a score. Redshirt freshman running back Courtland Marriner, in his first game for the Tribe, ran the ball four times for 21 yards and returned six punts for 137 yards.

p. The game, which marked the inauguration of the Colonial Athletic Association’s football conference, was viewed by 11,639 fans.

Men’s Soccer: Tribe searches for answers up top

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August 31, 2007

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__Loss of forwards Hoxie, Snyder has College looking for scoring punch__

As the regular season opener against Elon University rapidly approaches, it’s evident that Head Coach Chris Norris must adjust his offensive strategy. After losing leading scorer Andrew Hoxie for the season due to undisclosed reasons and University of Mary Washington transfer sophomore Ryan Snyder to a knee injury, the Tribe has been left with an unexpected lack of depth at striker. However, Norris is prepared to adjust to the inevitable challenges of an NCAA season.

p. In order to combat the team’s obvious holes at striker, Coach Norris plans to implement a new 4-3-3 formation that could feature redshirt freshman Alan Koger, junior Nathan Belcher and experienced senior Doug Ernst at the forward positions. Both Koger and Belcher should offer a certain amount of youthful energy and goal-scoring potential as each has good size and is effective when his back is to the goal. Meanwhile, Ernst, who has been a mainstay in the Tribe midfield for the last three seasons, should provide both experience and continuity to an otherwise inexperienced attack unit. A true wizard with the ball at his feet, Ernst combines scoring ability with an uncanny ability to see the entire field and distribute the ball with unparalleled precision.

p. “When we play in the 4-3-3 formation I should have less defensive responsibility. I’ll be more free to attack up the wing and swing the ball into the center of the field,” said Ernst when asked about his adjusted role in the new offense. Ernst will look to build off his breakout 2006 campaign when he led the CAA in assists.
In addition to crafting a new offensive strategy, Coach Norris has recently named the team captains — senior Ryan Overdevest and junior Doug McBride. Overdevest — who was recently given Second-Team ESPN The Magazine Academic All-America honors — should provide some much-needed senior leadership to a squad with 17 underclassmen. Meanwhile, McBride will set an excellent example for the youthful team with his constant hustle and positive attitude.

p. Coach Norris also mentioned senior back Ryan Sells when asked who he considered the team leaders.

p. “Sells is a fifth-year senior who played in 16 games for us last year,” Norris said. “He really gives this team some valuable experience.”

p. Although the team has endured a significant amount of misfortune before the outset of the season, Doug Ernst remains confident that a youthful Tribe squad will have success.
“It’s hard when you lose good players,” Ernst said. “However, opportunities have been opened up for some younger players. If these young guys can step up to the challenge as they already have this pre-season, we may not miss a beat.”

p. After the home opener against Elon, the Tribe will travel to Pennsylvania for the weekend, where they will face off with Pennsylvania State University Sept. 7 and the Ohio State University Buckeyes Sept. 9.

UCAB unites creativity and bliss

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August 31, 2007

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Their yellow T-shirts are ubiquitous — and no, they’re not Orientation Aides. Equally enthusiastic and spirited, a horde of yellow-clad staffers is the unmistakable sign of a UCAB event.
UCAB is the primary student-run programming body on campus. The executive board, advisers and 11 committees collaborate to bring entertainment aplenty to their peers at the College. It is their mission to “provide diverse, high-quality entertainment at a low cost to the College.”

p. Executive Director Brett Roth ’09 said that UCAB was “the first campus programming board of its kind that focused on school-wide activities” at the College and utilized the campus buildings as hosting venues. UCAB spearheads events both on and off campus to better reach the College community.

p. The list of UCAB’s committees includes comedy, music, films, contemporary and cultural issues, late-night programming, publicity, member enrichment, special events, web design and Homebrew, a weekly exhibition of student-performed music, poetry, drama or art.

p. With 120 members, UCAB is the largest programming body on campus. According to Roth, it produces upwards of 100 events every semester, not to mention the countless events it hosts in conjunction with other student organizations.

p. Roth describes UCAB as “an educational tool for all other organizations and individuals who are interested in publicizing, organizing and executing an event.”

p. UCAB collaborates not only with other student organizations, but also bridges the gap between students and the College administration. Joe Lowder, the assistant director of Student Activities Programming, and Will Thomson, a graduate assistant, advise the UCAB executive board.

p. As a body that strives to make campus fun, one can imagine the UCAB staffers themselves are, likewise, fun people. Students must apply to become part of a specific committee. The eclectic range of events they offer reflects the people behind the scenes. From presenting a carnival in William and Mary Hall on the last day of classes to recruiting My Chemical Romance to play a show on campus to periodically serving midnight breakfasts, UCAB offers something for everyone.

p. Of particular interest to students is the music committee. Its members are responsible for securing and presenting a band for the Homecoming concert in the fall, as well as for a spring concert. This year, UCAB is bringing Guster for the Homecoming concert. Lowder and Jeanna Occhiogrosso ’08, this year’s music committee chair, will scout bands with the rest of the committee for the spring concert that will fit within the UCAB budget and will appeal to students. Former UCAB concerts have included The Nappy Roots, Wilco and Ben Folds.

p. For UCAB, nothing is too ambitious to try. Last fall, students packed the University Center to meet Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum’s counterpart on the hit Bravo TV show “Project Runway.” Thomas Milteer ’09, current chair of contemporary and cultural issues committee, was pivotal in bringing the reality television star to campus. “A couple of people mentioned that it would be awesome if we could get Tim Gunn to come to campus, because we’re all huge fans of “Project Runway.” … I searched the internet and found his e-mail address,” Milteer said. Continued correspondence actualized the lofty goal and hundreds of students packed the UC for the popular event, while many more were turned away.

p. UCAB encourages student input to assist in its event planning, especially on its website, www.wm.edu/ucab. It is always looking to vary its events to satisfy as many people as possible.
For UCAB, no idea is beyond reach or consideration. Last year, it pioneered a school-sponsored tailgate before a football game in the Sunken Garden. Huge crowds and multiple food vendors guaranteed the event will recur again this fall.

p. The yellow T-shirt-clad UCAB members execute campus activities, but consider their efforts more collaborative than executive — they function as liaisons with students’ best interests in mind. To foster approachability, members hold office hours every day Monday through Friday in their office at the Campus Center in the Student Organizations Suite, room 19. UCAB strives to continually widen its appeal and draw greater crowds. “Having the freedom to come up with new events and bring them to life is one of the most rewarding parts of UCAB,” Director of the Late-Night Programming committee Brandon Nichols ’09 said.

p. Getting involved with UCAB is easy. Attend an event, browse the group’s website or even add UCAB as a Facebook friend. Of course, following the horde of yellow T-shirts works too. Every fall, 10 to 15 freshmen are selected as interns “to see the ins and outs of UCAB while getting to put on their own events,” Roth said. UCAB applications can be downloaded from the group’s website. Whether you choose to munch midnight breakfast, rock out to a UCAB-sponsored concert or even apply to the committee, UCAB will find a way to involve and excite you, whatever your fancy may be.

Guster crowned ‘Homecoming King’

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August 31, 2007

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Popular alternative rock band Guster will perform the Homecoming concert in the Sunken Garden Saturday, Oct. 27. The annual concert, sponsored by UCAB, has been a popular event for both alumni and current students. The concert will also feature indie folk artist Brett Dennen, who will open for Guster.

p. UCAB considered inviting Guster to the College for last year’s spring concert, but instead reached an agreement that brought My Chemical Romance and Muse to Kaplan Arena. Kate Matthews ’09, a member of the UCAB music committee, said that a main goal of the organization is to attract a variety of bands in order to alternate genres of music between concerts.

p. “We’re trying to satisfy different groups on campus,” Matthews said. “You want to switch it up as much as possible.”

p. Recent on-campus concerts have included The Wailers, Wilco, The Roots, My Chemical Romance and Nappy Roots. Guster also performed the spring concert in April 2002.

p. Guster will play in the Sunken Garden as part of a larger Southern tour that includes performances in Raleigh, N.C., Athens, Ga. and Richmond.

p. According to Assistant Director of Student Activities Joe Lowder, who works as an adviser to UCAB and as a liaison between the school and various entertainment agencies and artists, the College got a “great deal on the band.” He would not reveal how much the College paid the band.

p. “UCAB had been looking at Guster hot and heavy in the spring,” Lowder said. “And it just so happened that they were looking for a Virginia date in October.” He also said that UCAB used several key tools to discover what bands would be popular with students, including music interest searches on Facebook. On the College’s Facebook network, 350 students list Guster as one of their favorite bands.

p. “We thought Guster would be a great Homecoming band,” Matthews said. “They have a big fan base on campus and appeal to alumni and students alike.”

p. The show is free and is open to all, although UCAB is not advertising it outside of the campus community.

Changes across campus update College’s appearance, appeal

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August 31, 2007

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Over the summer, the College received a facelift. Returning students have noticed a number of changes.

p. Freshmen were the first students to be seated in the newly renovated Lake Matoaka Amphitheater for a comedy show.
The new amphitheater, which seats 1,700 people, will host events such as hypnotist Tom DeLuca on Sept. 1 and concerts throughout the year.

p. The first phase of the new Integrated Science Center off Landrum Drive is nearing completion, and is set to open March 2008. According to Professor Gary Rice, chair of the chemistry department, the new chemistry and biology labs in the building should be in use after spring break.

p. “The new facility will provide more opportunities for students to participate in research, but the biggest improvement is in the ability to teach labs safely,” he said.

p. Rogers Hall, which has been the home of the chemistry department since the mid-1970s, is “far beyond its lifespan,” he added.

p. What appears from the outside of the chemistry building to be a fifth floor will actually be a space entirely filled with equipment for air filtration — an important consideration in any chemistry or science lab. The building will also house an area for animal observation and experimentation — called a vivarium — and some psychology offices.

p. The construction is part of a plan that includes the renovation of Rogers Hall and eventually the addition of a third building with more classroom and teaching space for the science departments.
Across campus, the Undergraduate Admissions Office moved from Blow Memorial Hall to a renovated space that used to be the campus bookstore on Jamestown Road near the Campus Center.
The lobby of the 17,000-square-foot building has hardwood floors and a marble counter from behind which prospective students and their parents may be greeted by an admissions counselor.
The new location has a large room that seats 300 people for information sessions and is complete with a viewing screen and sound system for showing admissions videos — something that wasn’t possible in the old offices.

p. “We used to have standing room for maybe 200 people,” Admissions Counselor Sandra Brooks said. “We have much more space since we moved here. Even when we are closed on weekends, there is an area where I can leave publications, self-guided tours and information for visitors.”

p. Admissions counselors can also interview applicants to the College in designated interview rooms in the basement of the building, rather than in the Career Services Center like they used to do.

p. “We couldn’t be prouder of the Admission Office’s new home,” President Gene Nichol said in a press release July 10. “This beautiful building will help us offer an even more impressive introduction to the campus and the William and Mary experience.”
Construction on the Jimmye Laycock Football Center should also be completed in 2008. The estimated $11 million facility will house locker and meeting rooms, offices and a video production room for the football team and staff, and has been in the works since last fall.

p. “Currently there are not many spaces that allow all the players on our team to meet,” Assistant Athletic Director Pete Clawson said. “The new facility will meet all the needs of our team, including state of the art video equipment that is so important in the game. Furthermore, it will impact the entire athletics department by freeing up space in William and Mary Hall.”
In the meantime, a new scoreboard at Zable Stadium will serve as a much needed upgrade for spectators at games this fall.

The melancholy of dieting while sitting, chewing, thinking

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August 31, 2007

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In exurban America, “moving through lots of incompact space” entails the licensed operation of a registered motor vehicle. I was in mine one day when I passed a guy on a bench who was contemplatively eating an enormous hoagie.

p. This simple sight reminded me of the most depressing television commercial I’ve ever seen. I’m thinking of is Jared Fogle’s first-ever advertisement for Subway, which aired in early 2000.
Thus the “Subway diet” was born, making Jared practically a household name. The commercial even has that quintessential infomercial shot in which the dieter holds his oversized trousers to his markedly trimmer waist, demonstrating how miraculously successful his weight-loss regimen has been.

p. That’s not what made me inexplicably sad. What did was a shot of the newly slim Jared sitting on a park bench, chewing a bite of his foot-long Veggie Delite sandwich — his daily lunch for a year — with a very sober, attuned, introspective look on his face.
Passing the guy in my vehicle that day set into motion a chain of memories, sort of like Proust eating the Madeleine cookie — except instead of waves of nostalgia I had waves of sadness. This makes me sound far worse than Proust, sort of like a Romantic poet or just a shoo-in candidate for anti-depressants, neither of which I think I am.

p. I remember thinking when I first saw the commercial, “Wow, I think that’s really sad.” I then forgot about it for seven years. I’m willing to toss out a few guesses regarding its dolefulness. They mostly concern fringe images that the sight of Jared sitting, chewing and thinking (hereafter JSCAT) generated in my malleable brain tissue. JSCAT first got me ruminating on the monotony of his moving through space, of his being a body — a morbidly obese body — pushing through air and arriving at that bench and plopping himself down and chewing and pondering, every day, ceaselessly. Anyone with self-image issues — which, circa 2000, was me and probably you, too if you’re currently an undergrad — could instantly empathize. The idea of an extremely fat man simply maneuvering, his every thought fixated on when he would next be able to stop maneuvering for a few minutes, struck me as grade A mood-sinking material.

p. This brings up the object of the T in JSCAT, that is, what the poor sap was thinking about every day on that bench. I imagine the commercial’s director instructing Jared to relive his “fat days,” to consider whatever it was he often considered while munching on a 12-inch Veggie Delite. Well, Jared was probably thinking about what his dad, a physician, purportedly told him at the peak of his obesity: “If you don’t get in shape soon, you could be dead by 35.” His meditative expression in the commercial really drives this home. Jared Fogle is probably a shit actor, but in the stoic-and-unflinching-facially-emoted-recognition-of-the-fact-that-this-Subway-diet-when-abetted-with-a-ton-of-walking-may-save-my-life department, he’s Oscar-worthy.

p. When I drove by the real sub-eater and recalled this commercial, it all coalesced perfectly for a moment, my problems and his: Its central tenet was almost certainly that of occupying space and its shadowy connection to mortality. Even though Jared’s medical issues were only peripherally related to his hugeness, he must have thought his death would be the direct result of his failure to efficiently traverse America-sized slabs of land. I told you, it’s depressing. And not particularly well thought out.

p. This should not be construed as any sort of commentary on America’s obesity epidemic, nor do I want it read as an indictment of the dieting industry. All I’m saying is that there’s a lot of sorrow, to me, in someone eating on a bench, particularly when the object of that eating is to lose weight. Perhaps it’s only due to the fact that thinking while chewing inevitably makes us look like Neanderthals. Perhaps it’s the exposure, appearing unabashedly superstitious and goal-oriented in such a public place. Whatever it is, it occurred to me while driving and mandated that I share it.
Dan Piepenbring is a Confusion Corner columnist. He dreams of starring in his own commercial.

Thou shalt love thyself

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August 31, 2007

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Before I unleash my masturbatory advice upon the female community, I just want to make a few things clear. This column was not written at the request of some guy; in fact, I wrote it after some women asked me to write a piece emphasizing female masturbation.

p. Masturbation is an important part of being a normal, healthy, sexual adult. Women might not masturbate for a number of reasons. Some see it as a gateway sexual act, which will somehow lead to the destruction of their morality. This is simply not true. If you have it set in your mind that sex is not in the cards for you right now, having some fun will not change your mind. Girls are told not to touch themselves, that it is dirty or will desensitize them. Maybe you’ve tried before, but couldn’t reach orgasm.

p. Perhaps you’re saying, “I’ve got a man to do it for me, why should I bother?” I scoff at you. Whatever the reasoning is, unless masturbation is totally against your moral code, I’d suggest you read the column and then get started on your homework.
If you haven’t been able to successfully climax after many attempts, start by letting your worries go. Lock the door to the room so you don’t need to fear unwelcome visitors and pick a time when your roommate is sure not to return for about a half hour. Then focus on the clitoris, or “the man in the boat.” Use one or more fingers to massage gently in circles around it until you start to feel the tingle. Your own instincts should kick in at that point; if you slow the movement down or let up pressure, you can keep building up your anticipation until you shake your way through your first orgasm. If you need more incentive to start masturbating than an orgasm, I’ve come up with my top five reasons why you should.

p. Independence. Men have women by the balls (so to speak) when they don’t masturbate. If you haven’t given yourself an orgasm, how do you even know if he’s doing the best job? You might think you’ve been given a mind-blowing night, but once you try it out for yourself, you may discover that your old Earth-shaking orgasm was nothing more than a feather-light tremble. Also, when you can bring yourself to orgasm, you’re less likely to put up with some jerk you’re only seeing because he gets you off.

p. Cramps or a headache? Masturbate! When you have cramps or just don’t feel well you may not think you’re in the mood to get it on with yourself. You should give it a chance and start fantasizing. Once you start turning yourself on, your body switches its concentration to what is more important. You’ll forget about whatever was ailing you, and you’ll go from feeling sickly to sexy in under five minutes.

p. Demonstrate. If he couldn’t get you off before, show him yourself. If you give a man the opportunity, nay the gift, of watching you please yourself, he’ll soon know exactly how to have you writhing with pleasure. If you’re comfortable with it, just put your hand over top of his and literally show him what to do either with a vibrator or while touching your clitoris. After the lesson, I’m pretty sure he’ll be turned on enough to give it a try himself.
Foreplay? Yes, please. No matter how women try to slow men down, many times they haven’t reached a peak of arousal when the sex starts. When you masturbate, you can make the process as complex and romantic as you want. If you want the dimmed lights and the music on and all that stuff, go for it. You can heat yourself up by exploring your body before getting to business, touching in exactly the way you’d want your partner to.

p. No better stress reliever. It provides a much needed respite during the day, just like a nap in between classes or exercising at the gym. You can’t think about school while doing it — unless that’s your thing — and the rush clears your head so you get a nice half-hour of dazed euphoria before realizing that test is still tomorrow.

p. Apart from the reasons that I listed above, there are also some very obvious ones. You can never contract an STI from touching yourself, there is no chance of pregnancy when you masturbate and you cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. All in all, I see masturbation as a win-win system, and hope many of the women on campus will pick up this amazing hobby. And of course, this way you know you’ll always respect yourself in the morning.
Emily Powell is The Flat Hat sex columnist. She wants her readers to find their full potential.

That Girl: Hayley Loblein

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August 31, 2007

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It’s hard to picture Hayley Loblein as the shy type she claims to have been during high school. She’s confident, entertaining and funny. Some claim that college changes students. It is a time to delve in and realize who you really are. This certainly holds true for Hayley. She has discovered her passions and finally knows what she wants to do with her life … and it’s something she never imagined.

p. **Why did you want to join 7th Grade sketchy comedy?**

p. In sixth grade, I anchored a TV broadcast twice for my elementary school. I got a video tape of it and recently reviewed the footage. It was pretty amazing. I wanted to act for a long time when I was little, but acting in high school conflicted with swimming. Even now, I don’t think of myself as a typical theater kid. I like 7th Grade because I can play a wide range of characters and make people laugh. I wasn’t a class clown or anything back in the day, but I was definitely one of the sarcastic kids. It’s funny because I did not even want to go to the 7th Grade audition, but I was dragged.

p. Two girls on my hall were supposed to go but one backed out and the other convinced me to go. I was so shy in high school, I don’t know how we made call backs. We wore those stupid WM trucker hats. Mine was pink. I still have it. It’s not very 7th Grade acceptable.

p. **You weren’t involved in theater in high school?**

p. No. When I was in high school, I didn’t think I would do anything on stage during my college years. I was always shy and reserved. I played tennis, swam and participated in any type of volunteer groups that were offered, mainly with the Red Cross Association. I was in chorus and did a few solos. My first ones were “Jolly, Oh St. Nicholas” and the theme song from “Titanic.” Apparently my parents cried. I think it’s because they wish their daughter was a better singer.

p. **Who was your favorite character you have played?**

p. My favorite character would have to be McKenzie Amber Megan who is a TV talk show host similar to Ricki Lake or Maury. The show starts off with a montage of pictures of her (I really mean me). She is obnoxious and just a pain in the ass … only wanting to be a talk show host solely for the limelight. My other favorite character, Ginny, was the one I got to play last year. Ginny is a really annoying college girl who just takes tons of photographs of herself. She thinks she is really cool and doesn’t seem to realize that no one likes her. Both of those characters were extremely narcissistic, which allowed that part of me to shine.

p. Along the lines of playing other characters, can you tell me about the “America’s Next Top Model” shoot you did last year?
Wow, is someone stalking me? Most of those pictures have been taken off Facebook, which is unfortunate for someone like yourself who might want to research me. Anyways, I really like the show “America’s Next Top Model.” My friend Katie Dixon enjoys taking photographs, so a group of us went to the Wren Building and Katie took photos of us in various settings trying to reenact the photo shoots from the show. I was one of the only ones actually willing to be in the photos and would try to express “smiling with my eyes” or “looking fierce.” I know I could never actually be on the show, but it’s a dream of mine. I just want to meet Tyra. My favorite photograph is one in which there are tears gliding down my face. That was a great moment … I’m totally going to do that again.

p. **Other than “America’s Next Top Model,” what do you think you might want to do after school?**

p. I am way too lazy to take the GREs … or the MCATs so my plan is to take a year off and audition for things in New York, especially soap operas. It will be perfect because I can be really dramatic. I also have a really good scream so I could audition for scary things. For example, at the 7th Grade table at the activities fair, freshmen would stick their hands into a box on our table. They would have to feel around and guess what it was. A lot of the kids were pretty nervous. When they looked scared, I would scream and they would jump back. They got pretty creeped out. There was this one boy who was incredibly apprehensive so I thought I would milk the situation. After I screamed, he backed up and proceeded to floor it away from us. He walked away without even a glance back. Poor kid. If you’re out there, I am truly sorry.

p. **What advice would you give underclassmen?**

p. I think everyone should add the LOL Cats Facebook application to their page. If you look on my profile, I put it right at the top. It shows a cat and a caption. Currently, I have a tiny Japanese cat next to a soda can and it has terrible sayings next to it … I have a couple other applications but they aren’t as good. I have the horoscope one but it’s annoying because it doesn’t change every day. I’ll read them even though I don’t believe in what they say. They’re great. I’m a Cancer by the way. I also have a Magic 8-Ball, but I never use that. Oh, at home I have an actual Magic 8-Ball that’s pink and the cube is glittery so you can never actually read what it says. I would have used it in high school but it never really helped.

p. **Tell me about the parts of campus like.**

p. I really thought if we sat on the Terrace for this interview I would have a good story to tell. I was semi-hoping a squirrel would fall out of a tree and onto my head. That would have made this the best article ever. Unfortunately, I had no such luck.
I probably spend the least time in Swem. I never go there. I’ll probably go two times a year and those are my two most productive days. I think it’s because I can’t go on Facebook or anything, because then I’ll be looking at someone’s profile and be like “oh wait you’re right behind me. Whoops.”

p. **Tell me about some of your summer experiences.**

p. I used to be a pool lifeguard so I would read a lot. And no, not when I was a duty. I was really good. One afternoon there weren’t many people at the pool, so I studied my flashcards of bartending drinks while on duty. I’m a master of mixology. I don’t apply it that often (even though I’m 21), but it is cool to know how to count out and make tasty drinks. My favorite is Sex on the Beach. For those of age, they should try it. The drink, that is.

p. **Describe your perfect date.**

p. Perfect date starts with sex on the beach of course … you can tell people I’m single and they should send me flowers. Or ask them to throw me a surprise party. I’ve always wanted one of those and never got one when I was little. I will be a soap opera start so they might want to work on that now.

Horoscopes (Aug. 31)

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August 31, 2007

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	Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21 You will realize this week that getting a $100 ticket from parking services is a bit steep. Too bad they don’t give a shit.		Taurus: April 20 – May 20 If you wake up this week dizzy, bound and gagged, don’t worry. It was most likely IT coming to collect your $2.22 printing bill.
	Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 Celebrity sighting alert: The stars predict that you will run into Falcons quarterback Michael Vick on DoG Street this week.		Gemini: May 21- June 21 Contrary to popular belief, the water at Jamestown Beach will not kill you, but the diseases you contract there might.
	Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 Don’t be too worried if you get into an argument about the existence of God with your roommate. Just put him or yourself in a glass box		Cancer: June 22 – July 22 Stay away from dormcest — at all costs. Unless the person’s really hot, then just get drunk and forget you read this.
	Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 The NFL season is getting underway, and while we can’t predict what will happen, we know one thing: the Redskins will suck.		Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22 You will have an epiphany this week: You want to apply for The Flat Hat and write these horoscopes so I don’t have to.
	Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20 Classes are starting, and we offer a special warning to you freshmen. If you think you can get away with not going, well, it depends.		Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22 Whew! You’re done with the grueling move-in process. Now you can look forward to sweating for the next two months because it’s so fucking hot.
	Aries: March 21 – April 19 Jet-lagged and tired, you will make the smart choice to go out, get hammered and puke the next day after taking a malaria pill.		Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 Speaking of heat, don’t be alarmed this week when a beer gremlin jumps out of your fridge and defenestrates your air conditioner.