Page 388 – Flat Hat News

Moulton-Levy’s singles victory breaks tie, lifts Tribe past Rams

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April 14, 2007

The Tribe earned their 10th victory over a ranked opponent Tuesday as the team held off an opportunistic Virginia Commonwealth University squad to capture a 4-3 win and move their record to 16-2 on the season. The Tribe, who entered the match ranked 16th in the nation, struggled to put away 23rd-ranked VCU as the Rams fought hard on their home court, forcing senior Megan Moulton-Levy to emerge victorious in the final singles match to secure the College’s triumph.

p. The College swept all three doubles matches to take an early 1-0 lead against their CAA foe. Freshmen Ragini Acharya and Magdalena Bresson were first to finish at the no. 3 doubles spot with an 8-5 win. Sophomores Klaudyna Kasztelaniec and Barbara Zidek won their eighth straight match, 8-6, at the no. 2 doubles position. The Tribe’s no. 1 nationally-ranked tandem of Moulton-Levy and the reigning CAA singles player of the week Katarina Zoricic capped off the doubles matches with a 9-7 victory.

p. The Rams jumped ahead early in the singles matches as both Bresson and Kasztelaniec suffered defeats in the no. 4 and no. 5 spots, respectively. Acharya, the 114th-ranked singles player in the nation, tied the match at 2-2 with a win at the no. 3 position. Zoricic, who earned her first CAA singles player of the week honor last week, fell to VCU’s Marianna Yuferova 6-4, 6-2 in the no. 2 position.

p. With the Tribe trailing 3-2 and on the brink of defeat, freshman Lauren Sabacinski came through with a 6-2, 6-4 victory at no. 6 singles. This tied the match for a second time and set the stage for Moulton-Levy, ranked sixth in the nation among singles players, to win the match. Moulton-Levy disposed of VCU’s Tatsiana Uvarova, ranked no. 32 nationally, by a score of 6-2, 7-6 to secure the victory for the College.

p. “The match versus VCU was a really good win for our team,” Zoricic said. “Some of our girls really fought hard and played great, and that was exciting to see. All of our girls have been working really hard, and have been putting in a great effort to improve each day.”

p. The Tribe, currently in their ninth consecutive week ranked in the national top-20, will return to action tomorrow as they host the University of Richmond at 4 p.m. on Busch Courts. Moulton-Levy and fellow senior Alexandra de Guzman will be honored as the match marks Senior Day, the Tribe’s last home contest of the season.

NHL playoffs: quest for the Stanley Cup

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April 14, 2007

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Thought post-season play ended after the NCAA basketball championships? Think again, sports fans. Beginning Wednesday, April 11, 16 teams will vie for the National Hockey League’s Stanley Cup. In a season that came down to the wire, the postseason promises to be very exciting.

p. In the Eastern Conference, the no. 8 New York Islanders earned a playoff spot in the last game of the regular season in dramatic fashion. The Isles open the post season against the top seed Buffalo Sabres. New York expects goalie Rick DiPietro to return from the injured list, but even his stellar play may not be enough to slow down the Sabres, as Buffalo boasts the most potent offense in the league.

p. The no. 2 New Jersey Devils host the no. 7 Tampa Bay Lightning. This is an intriguing matchup of contrasting styles as the Devils play a defense-first mentality while the Bolts attack with speedy superstars Vincent Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis. Tampa Bay has a big question mark in net, however, as rookie goalie Johan Holmqvist is expected to start. The Devils, on the other hand, rely on one of the best goalies in the league, Martin Brodeur. The first team to dictate the other’s style of play will win this series.

p. The no. 3 Atlanta Thrashers earned their first postseason appearance in franchise history. They open against the sixth-seeded New York Rangers, a team looking to shake off memories of last year, when New Jersey swept them out of the first round. The play of the goaltenders will determine this series. The Thrashers hope rookie Kari Lehtonen will continue posting all-star numbers. The Rangers’ net-minder is second-year Henrik Lundqvist, who has also had a solid season, posting career-best numbers.

p. The final series in the East presents the postseason debut of superstar Sidney Crosby, as his no. 5 Pittsburgh Penguins battle the no. 4 Ottawa Senators. Look for experience to be the deciding factor as the Penguins field a young team while the Senators roster is full of seasoned veterans. If the Pens’ young stars are not shaken by their first trip to the postseason, then the Senators could have their hands full.

p. In the Western Conference, the eighth-seeded Calgary Flames skate up against a perennial powerhouse in the top-seeded Detroit Red Wings. These teams are evenly matched, as evidenced by their splitting the regular season series 2-2, but the team that can win on the road will have an advantage in this series. The Red Wings certainly have the better road record but do not expect the Flames to fizzle easily.

p. Next up, the second-seeded Anaheim Ducks host the seventh-seeded Minnesota Wild in an incredibly even series. The Ducks are a physical team with Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermayer anchoring the defense, while the Wild sport a stout defensive style that will work to limit the Ducks’ offensive chances. This one should be a dandy.

p. The no. 3 Vancouver Canucks host the no. 6 Dallas Stars in a series sure to be dominated by defense as both teams rank among the top five defenses in the league.

p. The no. 4 Nashville Predators are looking to win their first playoff series against the no. 5 San Jose Sharks in a rematch from last year. The Sharks’ inexperienced defense will have their hands full against the West’s most potent offense but Nashville must play with discipline as the Sharks’ power play ranks second in the league.

p. Nhl.com provides the full schedule while NBC and Versus will supply television coverage. Let the quest begin.

p. __Timothy Huffstutter is a senior at the College. He will be glued to the TV rooting on the Nashville Predators.__

New FX series follows con artist family

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April 14, 2007

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There’s a curious, though not altogether unappealing incongruity that initially appears in FX’s new weekly series, “The Riches.” From the two lead British actors portraying Southern American parents to the sometimes disjointed juxtaposition of comic, tragic and comically tragic scenes, nothing quite matches up.

p. Of course, in a way, this is right in line with the show’s premise: a family of travelling thieves, through a series of bizarre and violent events, end up impersonating a dead couple and living in their recently bought home located in the aptly named Eden Falls gated community. They do not match up with the normal, law-abiding lifestyle of the citizenry. Thus, they “live off the grid,” as we’re told in the show’s opener, not having Social Security numbers, not paying taxes and, naturally, conning the hell out of nearly every “buffer” (non-thief) they come across. This premise provides plenty of fertile ground for drama, intrigue and comedy to grow, and the family in question seems ripe with enough character to allow for the blooming of these entertaining elements.

p. There’s Wayne Malloy, the silver-tongued father, played by Eddie Izzard (a British comedian probably best known Stateside for his cross-dressing stand-up comedy). There’s Dahilia Malloy, the explosive, recently paroled mother played by Minnie Driver (“Good Will Hunting”). And there’s their three equally criminally talented children, the smallest of which, a young boy, has a predilection towards wearing women’s clothing (hey, it helps to keep their identities secret during scams … and he just likes it).
This motley family is not alone in their lifestyle. There are plenty of other travellers, as they term themselves, who form a larger mafia-style family, complete with a loose — and as we soon find out, uncertain — hierarchy and arranged marriages for solidifying wealth and power.

p. The Malloys’ transformation into the Riches begins in the first episode at the traveller camp that assembles to celebrate Dahlia’s return from prison. While she is warmly welcomed by all, Wayne has a run-in with Dahlia’s cousin, a hostile, head-of-family hopeful named Dale Malloy, played by Todd Stashwick (“You, Me and Dupree”). Their violent encounter convinces Wayne that his family needs a change of lifestyle. So, after pilfering the traveller camp’s “family funds,” they slip away for a nearly foiled escape that ends in the accidental death of the Riches. This begins their biggest con yet: the stealing of the American dream by impersonating the dead couple in their home and living just like regular “buffers” (aside from the whole impersonating-a-dead-family bit).

p. The above sequence of events that serves as the story’s foundation perfectly illustrates the off-kilter and, at first, off-putting aspects of the show. Dahlia, fresh out of prison and appearing with half-tousled, half-cornrowed hair at the traveller camp, presents an arresting image, especially for those who know that the actress portraying her is anything but Southern. Her character stands in stark contrast to her (usually) easygoing, “half-breed” husband. Their pairing seems strange from both a purely physical perspective (Dahlia is way taller) to, more importantly, differences in personality. They soon display a definite chemistry, however, that overcomes the initial awkwardness of the first few episodes.

p. But what is really so rattling about the first show is its blitzkrieg transition from happy reunion to freak tragedy to fortuitous opportunity. The scene wherein the real Riches meet their untimely fate, and the Malloys their fortune, is a perplexing potpourri of horror, apparent frustration and solemn resolve to capitalize on the situation. It is an abrupt and puzzling situation — there’s an “aw, shucks” sentiment expressed by some of the characters that can’t quite reconcile with the obvious remorse displayed by the others. They all soon recover (immediately, in fact, in the next scene) and are on their way to investigate the Riches’ house — a flow of events that feels entirely forced.

p. In the next few episodes, however, these originally incongruent elements begin to form a more organic, but nonetheless off-beat drama. Particularly in the latest episode, something reminiscent of regularity develops in the show’s pacing. With the premise fully explained, an exploration on suburban living that seems at least part of the show’s underlying purpose begins to unfold. In an exchange between Wayne and his oldest son Cael, who is noticeably upset with their change of lifestyle, Wayne remarks, “Everything was simpler in the RV.” There are other hints of this rumination on suburban living and, along with the show’s gripping storyline, proves worthwhile social commentary.

p. At its roots, “The Riches” is a drama not without exciting derivations from the standard formula. Only as the season progresses will it become clear whether its rich potential will fully flourish. After the most recent developments, it seems to be heading toward the light. For those wishing to catch up on the series, FX is showing a marathon tonight beginning at 9 p.m.

‘Henry IV’ production’s simplicity succeeds

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April 14, 2007

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Drunken debauchery, plots for power and suspenseful swordfights filled the University Center Commonwealth Auditorium beginning last Sunday as Shakespeare in the Dark performed “Henry IV, Part 1.” While the performance started off somewhat slowly, the production soon captivated me with its unique style and staging. Shakespeare in the Dark did an excellent job of bringing the intrigue and drama of the 15th century to life.

p. Before the play started, the context of the plot was introduced in a short movie detailing the fall of Richard II and the rise of Henry IV. This introductory film had a little too much information compacted into a short amount of time, and much of what was said could also be found in the program. However, it did provide a nice introduction to the characters of the play, which was important due to the production’s minimalist approach to costumes and set. A brief speech by Director Zan Gillies, a sophomore, and Assistant Director Rachel Smith, a junior, introduced some of the more unusual set elements to the audience.

p. The set was disorienting at first, but quickly proved well-designed. To simulate a thrust stage, seats were placed in a square around the front of the auditorium, allowing the actors to perform directly to individual audience members if they so chose. Contrary to the group’s name, Shakespeare in the Dark performed with the lights on for the whole show, breaking the fourth wall and allowing the actors to watch the audience as the audience watched them. It was a nice touch that made the performance very entertaining and kept the audience on its toes. The thrust stage worked well, though there were times when the main action onstage was blocked by other actors’ bodies. The settings themselves were created with a simple series of boxes and a large cloth curtain draped across the back of the main stage, allowing the set to be dynamic yet simple. It was also interesting to watch the actors rearrange the stage to set it up for the next scene.

p. The costumes were also incredibly simple, yet effective. Most actors in the play portrayed multiple roles, and it would have been very easy to get hopelessly confused were it not for the subtle costumes each actor had in order to distinguish each role. While none of the costumes were complex (most consisted of normal clothes under a colored sash), they provided essential details about each character.

p. The actors themselves also did a superb job in their roles. All of them brought their characters to life and gave each a distinct personality that resonated throughout the play. While all the performances were great, certain actors stole the show, most notably senior Rob Forney as John Falstaff, the drunken comic relief of the play.

p. The actors also displayed surprising musical talent several times during the play, ranging from contemporary rock to medieval chanting. Toward the end, several actors revealed their proficiency with swords and golf clubs, leaping about the stage in well-choreographed duels. Junior Mike Curtain, playing Prince Hal, was particularly commendable for managing to perform great swordplay despite an injured leg. All of the actors did a superb job of making Shakespeare’s words jump off the page and onto the stage.

p. Shakespeare in the Dark’s ‘Henry IV’ was time well spent and proved highly entertaining. It brought intriguing design and excellent acting to one of Shakespeare’s most popular plays and did justice to the Bard.

Timbaland fails in move to the mic

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April 14, 2007

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Record producers take on many roles in the music industry, putting their individual stamp on songs that they create for musical artists as they stand behind the performance curtain. In the past few years, many producers have stepped forward as solo artists themselves, either completely bombing or carefully landing on their feet. A few well-known producers have failed at these attempts: Diddy, who has no rap skills whatsoever, dishes out a new CD every few years in order to keep Bad Boy Records afloat. Pharrell, another non-rapper who creates explosive beats, tries to sing back-up on Jay-Z records with disastrous vocal chops. And let’s not forget Kanye West, who I will admit, has great flowing skills; however, he rips timeless oldies and has a huge ego. The beat maestro, Timbaland, is just as unsuccessful on his new CD, “Timbaland Presents Shock Value.”

p. The Virginia native has been an accomplished producer since the late ’90s, but has really taken off this past year, swinging hit after hit for artists such as Justin Timberlake, The Pussycat Dolls and Omarion, making him one of the most sought-after producers. In his latest solo project, he invites all of his new (The Hives, 50 Cent) and old (Magoo, Missy Elliot) friends on this compilation CD, integrating a wide range of genres, such as hip hop, bhangra and rock. One would expect greatness from Timbaland, but what one will hear, past the infectious, booming beats, is ineffective rapping and singing tainted with sexual callings, unnecessary disses and arrogant assertions passed off as lyrics.

p. The opening track, “Oh, Timbaland,” is the only real solo track, filled with short piano riffs, church clapping and ragtime syncopation, as well as Nina Simone’s gritty voice from an old blues track, “Sinnerman.” The first single, “Give It to Me,” featuring Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake, is an addictive club hit that has nothing to do with partying. With the combination of singing, talking and a bit of stuttering, each artist expresses their growing beef with other singers and producers. It is rumored that Furtado aims her thrashings at Fergie, Timbaland aims his at California producer Scott Storch and Timberlake points to Prince and Janet Jackson.

p. A slim number of tracks off this album really show Timbaland’s virtuosity and ingenious creativity. “Way I Are,” another club track infusing house and trance together, features the singer-songwriter Keri Hilson, who wrote “Runaway Love” by Ludacris and The Pussycat Dolls’ “Wait A Minute,” and rapper D.O.E. Although Timbaland raps about his “scrub” tendencies with a serious lack of funds and transportation, “I ain’t got no money / I ain’t got no car to take you on a date / I can’t even buy you flowers / But together we’ll be the perfect soulmates,” the song is filled with futuristic beats that could become his next single.

p. Another track where he shines is a mesmeric rock ballad, “Apologize,” featuring alternative newcomers One Republic. One of Timbaland’s high points on the album is the soft strings, modest beats and a haunting piano that support lead singer Ryan Tedder’s melancholy voice on the track.

p. The quality of the rest of the album is questionable and in dire need of restructuring. Timbaland basically lets his featured artists do the work for him, as he grunts and growls, giving one-word responses to remind his listeners that it’s his CD. In trying to take on different music genres, specifically rock, he strikes out on a few songs. “Throw It On Me,” featuring The Hives, doesn’t even showcase the garage band sound for which the band is mostly known. Instead, Hives frontman Pelle Almqvist howls and yells like the Tazmanian Devil, while Timbaland’s spastic raps lead into random guitar licks and a shouting chorus.

p. When he transfers over to hip-hop, he collaborates with 50 Cent and Tony Yayo on “Come and Get Me,” a boring three-and-a-half-minute song that does nothing but illustrate how 50 Cent’s repetitious rhymes about shooting and killing another one of his enemies is no longer an impressive way to rise on the pop charts. “Bounce,” a self-proclaimed “panty anthem,” is laced with heavy beats and saturated with sexual exploitations, featuring Dr. Dre, Missy Elliot and Timberlake with ridiculous, laughable lyrics.

p. The album ends with another disappointing track called “2 Man Show,” which should really be called the “No Man Show.” As the featured artist, Elton John just plays the piano while a gospel choir sings the chorus, and Timbaland repeatedly affirms that John is, in fact, on the song.

p. Overall, Timbaland’s ‘Shock Value’ is just shockingly awful. The rest of the songs are watered-down imitations of his previous productions as he tries to cater to his musical buddies instead of challenging himself beyond what he normally does. Granted, Timbaland creates a diverse style of beats that make each song unpredictable; but one cannot go on beats alone. He needs to stick to territory with which he’s better acquainted and leave the rest for the real musical artists.

Letters to the Editor (April 13)

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April 13, 2007

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**Response to Tuesday’s editorial**

p. To the Editor:
I feel your article and editorial in Tuesday’s issue concerning the incidents at Theta Delta Chi insinuated a serious charge against my fraternity, Phi Kappa Tau. The two incidents, one dealing with fecal matter on TDX’s dance floor and the other a verbal dispute, are completely isolated incidents. No brother of Phi Kappa Tau was involved in the vulgar prank and yet the article states “the incident caused a verbal dispute.” This is simply untrue. The Flat Hat should recognize the power subscribed to it by being a widely read paper as well as the implications its reports have on the organizations involved. By implying that the unfortunate verbal dispute was related to the disrespectful prank paints an unfair perception of our fraternity. We are one of the few fraternities that have been able to maintain a good relationship with the College and our longevity in Unit D is a testament to that. Our fraternity consists of one of the most diverse groups of individuals on this campus and our members hold many prominent positions in Student Assembly as well as philanthropic activities. Implicating an entire fraternity with regard to the actions of one individual is unjust and the fact that it was the lead article only serves to brand our fraternity with negative connotations unrepresentative of our fraternity.

__— Bryce Snape, ’08__
Phi Kappa Tau vice president

Amnesty only goes so far

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April 13, 2007

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The alcohol amnesty policy should not and does not refer to exception from judicial sanctions for any alcohol violations — rather, it only focuses on the case of intoxication. Recently, a College freshman notified emergency services when his roommate, according to Andy Garden’s article in the April 6 issue of The Flat Hat, began “vomiting blood after consuming alcohol.” The reporting student had a “considerable quantity of alcohol in his room,” and was referred to the dean of students. In short, the reporting student ended up with a “two-semester probation [from the College], six months probation from Virginia and alcohol education from the school,” as well as from James City County.

p. While I commend the freshman for having the gall to call emergency services, the argument that he should have been protected under the alcohol amnesty policy is weak. The current alcohol amnesty policy focuses on the intoxication of the person(s) involved (whether self or the reporting individual), and not to all violations of the College’s Alcohol Beverage Policy. The entirety of the policy is prefaced by: “If an individual seeks medical attention due to his/her level of intoxication …” Thus, if you have three handles of Parrot Bay Spiced Rum in your room, and later have to call the paramedics for your drunk roommate, judicial sanctions may be overlooked for your being intoxicated (if you are).

p. However, there’s nothing in the amnesty policy that prevents the pursuit of judicial sanctions for the possession of alcohol (i.e. the three handles) in your room. Those are two completely separate incidents.

p. Consider the following: replace the “considerable quantity of alcohol” in the freshman’s room with a still used to produce alcohol. Should he get amnesty under the same conditions just because producing alcohol in one’s dorm would also be a violation of the College’s ABP and he requested assistance for intoxication (ignoring any legal ramifications)? Certainly not. He may receive amnesty for being intoxicated, but should not (and does not, under the current policy) receive amnesty for the alcohol violation related to the still.

p. I know there’s a large faction of students who downright don’t agree with Campus Police policies or enforcement. However, their job is straightforward: to ensure campus safety and to uphold and enforce the laws of all jurisdictional levels — i.e. of the College, the city and the commonwealth of Virginia. The job of Campus Police is to account for violations of laws, whether seemingly minor or much more serious. Notice that nowhere in the job description does it say, “rewrite existing laws that may seem impractical” or “selectively enforce those laws that are most pragmatic.”

p. The fact remains that, if you’re under 21, you don’t have the legal right to consume or possess alcohol. If you don’t agree with that, fine — but that’s the status quo. If you knowingly disobey that law, don’t whine when you’re not ready to accept the consequences. If your roommate has alcohol in the room and you don’t want to get in trouble, try to work it out with him and then report it if you can’t. If you want to side with loyalty to your roommate and don’t want to be a stool pigeon, then act maturely and accept the consequences should law enforcement ever have to enter your room.

p. __Devin DeBacker is a junior at the College.__

Confederate controversy

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April 13, 2007

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It appears the Politically Correct police are out and about again, this time down in the city of Suffolk. The Daily Press reported April 7 that Mayor Linda Johnson rejected the request of the Tom Smith Camp of the Sons of Confederate Veterans to proclaim April “Confederate History Month.”

p. Along with the rejection, Johnson issued a statement saying, “It is my goal to work towards unity of all Suffolkians … of all heritages, faiths and ethnicities. All soldiers of all wars that have fought or died for their cause are to be honored and remembered. We do this on Veterans Day, Memorial Day and, hopefully, throughout our daily lives.”

p. Mayor Johnson’s sentiment of tolerance and inclusion is to be applauded, but her statement itself both misses the point and escapes the real issue of contention. A Confederate History month would be little different from the five other officially recognized history months already in the books, except that the South endorsed slavery. But is this reason enough to dismiss the remembrance of a distinct heritage?

p. While valid, the mayor’s argument that Confederate veterans can be honored just like any others misses the point that the requested Confederate History Month is about more than soldiers fighting in a war, but an entire culture. The SCV’s website makes it clear that they’re not just a group to remember fallen soldiers, but that they “serve as a historical, patriotic and non-political organization dedicated to ensuring that a true history of the 1861-1865 period is preserved.”

p. By passing this off as no more than a request for an extended Southern Memorial Day, Mayor Johnson (wisely?) manages to avoid going anywhere near the issue of race, but there seems to be little reason for her allergic reaction to the SCV’s request. Two years ago, Suffolk’s former mayor had no trouble issuing such a proclamation, and current Vice Mayor Curtis Milteer, himself a descendant of slaves, was of a similar mind when he was in charge of the city in 2002. Indeed, former Virginia governor George Allen declared April Confederate History Month for the entire commonwealth during his tenure, and one assumes he had a bit more at stake in the decision than the mayor of a relatively minor city. Nor is Virginia alone in this practice — it has regularly been joined by several Southern states and Ohio.

p. So, it appears that making April Confederate History Month has precedent, but if that in and of itself doesn’t confer acceptability, what does? Virginia’s colorful history leaves it inextricably linked to the Confederacy, and the point is that we should be hesitant to simply brush it aside. Admittedly, I’m no Civil War buff, but I’m fairly certain Virginia was important during it, what with Richmond, Bull Run, Appomattox and a litany of generals all calling it home. Telling Virginians that they can’t name a month to celebrate this history seems a bit like divorcing Vermont from Ethan Allen and his Green Mountain Boys, or Pennsylvania from the Quakers.

p. Even now, more than 140 years after the war, most people associate Confederate heritage with slavery. Yes, it’s impossible to separate the two entirely, but to keep reasonable people from promoting other aspects of their heritage for this reason alone seems unfair in modern times. Moreover, a Confederate History Month affords groups like the SCV the perfect opportunity to focus on educating people about parts of Southern culture unrelated to slavery.

p. Recently, a number of states, including Virginia, have issued formal apologies for the practice of slave-owning, and it’s almost silly to think anyone today would seriously find it acceptable. In the same vein, I seriously doubt the SCV made this request because they’re out to see the South rise again. More likely, they’d agree that the Southern states still maintain a distinct character, the product of a unique history and one which they’d like to celebrate. Why not give them the chance?

p. __Andrew Peters, a sophomore at the College, is a staff columnist. His columns appear on Fridays.__

Naked time

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April 13, 2007

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My roommate went home last weekend, and I couldn’t have been happier. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy. But sometimes I need my space. His presence prevents me from doing the one thing I love most in this world: naked time.

p. When I say naked time, I do not mean anything carnal or sexual. I’m not up all night doing it. By naked time, I simply mean a portion of my day when I can be myself, and only myself.

p. There’s something incredibly freeing in shedding shirts, pants, socks and, finally, underwear. When I’m wearing clothing, I often forget that there’s anything under there. My clothing becomes my skin. The outfits I wear represent me as I want others to see me.

p. Yet no brand of clothing produced my naked body. It was just me, with a little help from my parents. When I’m naked, I feel less pretentious. And this makes everyday tasks infinitely more enjoyable.

p. Have you ever tried reading a book? I do it all the time for class and sometimes for fun. I love reading; you might even say I should marry it. But have you ever tried reading a book naked?

p. I have, in case you were wondering. The experience is exactly the same except more intimate. When I’m naked I feel less aware of myself. Therefore the act of reading engrosses me more. Forgetting my body, which is free of garments, I can focus on the misadventures of Clarissa Dalloway, Heathcliff and Dracula. When I’m naked, “I am Heathcliff.”

p. David Sedaris wrote an amusing essay on the subject of nudity in his book, “Naked.” I love his writing and his books have been a major influence on this periodically published column. Sedaris doesn’t completely relish his time in a nudist trailer park. In fact he’s uncomfortable being naked around other people.

p. Unlike Sedaris, I would love to be naked 24/7. Yet if I got naked I would make others uneasy. People don’t like the idea of nudity. To be honest, I don’t know exactly why this is. Perhaps the idea of baring all seems overly forward to some. Others might be too self-conscious of their bodies to “take it off.” Who knows?

p. Whatever the reason, your discomfort with nakedness is encroaching on my ability to be nude in public. If I were the only naked person in a room, no one would be able to converse with me. They’d be too aware of my nudity (and their lack thereof) to actually talk to me. Plus, everyday tasks are not naked-friendly.

p. Can you imagine riding a roller coaster without any pants? Or sitting on a nasty park bench without a layer of denim between your ass and the seat? The Western world is not a naked-friendly place. In order to function socially, I have to dress appropriately.

p. So, instead of running naked through fields of flowers or going to class in my birthday suit, I have to relegate my nasty self to these few precious moments when my roommate is away. But things don’t have to be this way. In fact, we, the youth of America, can change things for the better.

p. You can start by having your own naked time. Read a book without any clothing, call your ex-boyfriend bereft of undergarments or write a Flat Hat opinions column wearing nothing but your spectacles. Pretty soon you might be so comfortable with your own nudity that you’ll want to start getting naked with others.

p. When you do, give me a call to chill. I’ll bring a bag of Tostitos with a hint of lime and some copies of The Flat Hat to sit on. We’ll eat, laugh and talk. Maybe for a few moments you and I will forget that we are wearing nothing at all. It won’t be sexual or perverse in any way. Just completely and utterly peaceful. Like sleeping kitty cats and the nation of Switzerland.

p. __James Damon, a sophomore at the College, is a staff columnist. His columns normally appear on Tuesdays.__

Staff Editorial: Welcome to the College

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April 13, 2007

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To all prospective students visiting campus, welcome and we’re glad you made it here to visit. Whether you live two minutes away or two oceans away, we hope you’ll experience some of the interesting and fascinating things about our College, and we’re not just talking about the absurdly large squirrel population or the abundance of students in yellow T-shirts who seem all too cheerful for a Saturday morning.

p. Many of you are likely considering several schools. In fact, there’s a good chance that perhaps you and some of your fellow prospective students are apprehensive about the whole process. You may even be looking left and right, frantically trying to identify things that you do and don’t like about the College. Don’t worry: we’ve been there before, and we know you will make the right choice.

p. By now, you probably already know that our College is rich in tradition, history, culture, bricks and extremely attractive students. We can’t argue the importance of any of these characteristics of the College, but we encourage all of you to dig deeper and discover what really makes this place unique. Ask questions about social life, professor accessibility, weather, food and everything in between. Ask a student why President Gene Nichol is the best Santa Claus on the East Coast, or why the College is one of the only schools in the country that calls it government instead of political science — we have no idea, by the way.

p. Find out how you will get involved once you come to campus. Students here are known to be rigorously active in athletic, cultural and philanthropic pursuits outside of the classroom. Attend the activities fair and learn about campus groups, cultural organizations, student newspapers and everything in between. Learn about the athletic accomplishments of our teams and athletes, such as senior Megan Moulton-Levy and sophomore Katarina Zoricic, the no. 1 ranked women’s doubles tennis duo in the country. After all, it may not be long before you and your new friends will fill the stands at Zable Stadium, or scream through painted faces in Kaplan Arena.

p. While you’re on campus, take a stroll into Colonial Williamsburg — the most historic, interesting (though at times overpriced) area in the state of Virginia. With a deep-rooted connection to the College, CW leaves one with a sense of pride and excitement that few other places can boast. Don’t worry about all the ghosts either, as they are mostly harmless.

p. More than anything, take a few moments, perhaps away from your parents, to just relax and envision yourself as a member of the Class of 2011 at the College. With decision time rapidly approaching, you need a short time to reflect on what you see and learn about our campus.

p. While not the most selective or competitive class of admitted students in recent years, the Class of 2011 — you and your potential classmates — feature a record number of first-generation students, a sign of the College’s efforts to diversify its student body. You comprise a group of talented and unique individuals that, we hope, will become the newest chapter in a book that was opened over 300 years ago.

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